Going Postal (4/6)

Three

& Mr. Gryle: You know what they say?.. Hear the cry of a banshee... and die!
    Lipwig: Actually... it’s banshee cries, somebody dies.
    Mr. Gryle: Today, it’s you!


& Mr. Gryle: Missed both my hearts!


& Mr. Gryle: I do love postmasters. Killing them is so lucrative*.


& Lipwig: Where are the fire brigade?
    Groat: We have no insurance.
    Lipwig: What?!
    Groat: I’m sorry, sir, it was fire insurance or food.


& Reacher: No matter how hard I scrape my shoe, Lipwig remains stuck to it.


& Horsefry: People... seem to have a fondness* for the post.
    Reacher: My latest innovation will change all that.
    Horsefry: Innovation? We closed down research and development years ago.
    Reacher: This isn’t about research, Horsefry. This is about dazzling the masses with a bauble*. I believe the respectable term is... marketing.


& Reacher: We are proud to usher in a new era. The mobile era. A network of towers like this will move around Discworld as demand requires. {...} In future, if you can’t get to a clacks tower, the clacks tower will be brought to you. Full coverage for the entire Disc.


& Miss Cripslock: Mr. Gilt, today’s increase in the price of clacks messages is the fifth this year. Surely that is extortion*.
    Reacher: This is the future of long-distance communication, and new technology is not cheap.

---

& Lipwig: That’s it, Mr Groat. Rain. Rainy days. The problem with people who put money away for a rainy day is they never know when it’s raining. Well, I think it’s about to pour...
    Groat: Stress. It does funny things to a man.


& Lipwig: Tell me, how do you actually get the sausages up there?
    Priest of Offler: Frying. The gift of sausages ascends onto Offler, the sacred crocodile, by means of smell.
    Lipwig: And then you... eat the sausage?
    Priest: A common misconception. But the true sausagidity goes to Offler. He eats the... essence of the sausages. While we priests eat the earthly shell.
    Lipwig: That would explain why the smell of sausages is always better than the actual taste, perhaps.
    Priest: You should have been a theologian.


& Priest: So, what is your prayer to accompany Mrs. Leakall’s finest?
    Lipwig: Just the usual. Pennies from heaven. $150,000... to be precise.
    Priest: Might take more than a few sausages to get something that... specific.
    Lipwig: But... let’s give it a shot.


& Mr. Pump: I think it’s best you stay away from Miss Adora.
    Lipwig: Stay away? I can’t do that, she loves me.
    Mr. Pump: But she just tried to kill you.
    Lipwig: Well, the human heart is a complex thing, Mr. Pump. Love, hate, they’re just a breath apart. She doesn’t know it yet, but she loves me.


& Mr. Pump: Many letters survived the fire. We are working round the clock to deliver them.
    Adora: Round the clock?
    Mr. Pump: Without a break. That is how much we believe in Postmaster Lipwig.
    Adora: But that’s exploitation. The Golem Trust can’t allow it.
    Mr. Pump: You misunderstand. We volunteered.
    Adora: Volunteered? That is the worst form of exploitation.


& Reacher: Do you know what I really like about you, Horsefry?.. Your naivety.
    Horsefry: Sorry, don’t quite get you.
    Reacher: We put up the clacks charges to finance a fleet of towers, right? But we don’t actually build any. So the extra revenue becomes pure profit.
    Horsefry: But won’t people want to see some towers?
    Reacher: Well, we’ll wheel out that fancy model every now and then, give the idiots some eye candy to gawp* at. Meanwhile, the mobile clacks project is officially in development.


& Reacher: Horsefry, Horsefry... The aim of business is?
    Horsefry: Erm...
    Reacher: Not to provide a good service, but to provide the...
    Horsefry: Only.
    Reacher: ...only service.


& Adora: Mr Lipwig is in breach of contract.
    Mr. Pump: But we, golems, are satisfied with him.
    Adora: You’ve been manipulated by him.
    Mr. Pump: Not manipulated. Persuaded.


& Vetinari: You’ve had a most strenuous* day, have you not?
    Lipwig: Can’t be as strenuous as signing death warrants. ... Joke.
    Vetinari: Oh, I’m sorry, I hadn’t realized. Do tell me if you feel obliged to make another.



-- Dict:
lucrative — прибыльный; выгодный; доходный
fondness — любовь; нежность
bauble — безделушка; игрушка; пустяк
extortion — вымогательство; назначение грабительских цен
gawp — глазеть
strenuous — напряженный

Five