& James Reid: Trying doesn’t matter when you always fail.
& Chudnofsky: ... You must sign over ownership of this establishment to me. For which time you become my employees.
Danny Crystal Cleer: What, we’re... we’re your employees?
Chudnofsky: Yeah, or close down permanently. The choice is yours.
& Crystal Cleer: Okay, uh, how do I pronounce your name? Ch... Tchaikovsky.
Chudnofsky: Chudnofsky.
Crystal Cleer: Char... chadost... chod... dosky.
Chudnofsky: Chud... nof... sky. Chudnofsky.
Crystal Cleer: All right, Chudnofsky. Kiss my ass. Put your lips to my ass, and kiss it. French kiss it. Tickle it with your grey whiskers*.
I got bitter sweet news for you. You’re washed up. You’re old, you’re boring, you’re not scary. You dress like shit. It’s over for you, okay. That’s the bitter news.
Now the sweet news is, you can retire. You can go play golf. Eat your dinners at 3 o’clock in the afternoon. Play with your grandkids, drink Metamucil. Old people shit.
Okay, look at me. I got a name people can say. My name’s Danny Clear. I deal crystal meth. People call me, Crystal-Clear. It’s easy. Check out my kick-ass hangout here. I got pillars of glass everywhere. I got a see-through piano. Look at my boys. They’re pimped out. We got Gucci, Armani, another Gucci. Tailor made. This is what you need to get to the top, today. Not hard work. Not dressing like disco-Santa-Claus. You need charisma. You look like my Uncle Gregg. Very nice guy, but, he’s a dentist.
Now consider this your retirement letter. Boom! It’s over. See your way out.
& Chudnofsky: You said I’m boring too. My gun has two barrels. That’s not boring. And it was was very difficult to make.
& Britt Reid: Sit with me, Kato. Tell me your tale.
Kato: I was born in Shanghai. You know, Shanghai?
Britt: Mmm, loved Japan.
& Britt: What are you doing man? Put that thing away, are you crazy?
Kato: Come on, don’t be a pussy.
& Britt: It’s, it’s totally unfair.
Kato: There’s no justice.
Britt: Well, Kato. What do you say we get ourselves some godamn justice, huh?
Kato: You serious?
Britt: Totally serious. Let’s do something crazy man. Let’s just do something nuts! ... Let’s roll, Kato.
& Britt: He tried to kill us. We’re the bad guys, shit.
& Britt: Okay, think about this, Kato. What is the one insanely stupid thing every super hero has in common?
Kato: Tights*?
Britt: No.
Kato: Cape?
Britt: No, Kato. It’s that every one knows that they’re the good guy. The hero, you know. All the bad guy has to do is start capping some innocent people. And he’s got the good guy by the nuts. He’s got to do whatever he says. It’s in every movie. It’s in every comic book. It’s in everything. It’s so stupid. But, if the bad guy thought the good guy, was also a bad guy... He wouldn’t be able to do that. That’s what we’ll do differently. We will pose as villains. But we’ll act like heroes.
Kato: But then the police, and the bad guys, will both try to kill us.
Britt: We’re dead already, Kato. I mean, seriously you wouldn’t... Look at us. We’ve both been completely wasting our potential. You a little bit more than me. I mean, what do you want your autobiography to be called? “Oil changes, and cappuccino’s?” Because I think, “Balls deep, in shit kicking dudes”. By Kato. Is a much cooler sounding book. I would read that book, and I don’t read shit. But when they’ve adapted it into a movie... I would see the shit out of it.
& Axford: Who’s this guy? Who’s your friend?
Britt: He’s my man.
Kato: I’m not your man!
Britt: He’s not my man, no. He’s uh... no he’s not my man. He’s like, uh... He’s like, “My man”. He’s... my... uh... Not your... it’s platonic... we’re just... We’re just platonic friends. We’re platonic male friends. He’s my... Executive associate.
& Britt: We need to think of a cool name for you. The little stinger. I’m the Green Hornet. You’re my little stinger.
Kato: No way!
Britt: The Honey Pot. Get it. Bee’s make honey. You’re my honey pot.
& Chudnofsky: Decapitated statues? I’ve decapitated real people.
& Lenore: I do not feel comfortable discussing this. And if this means I am not going to be your temp any longer? Then I’m sorry, it’s...
Britt: That’s exactly what it means. Yep.
Lenore: Okay, thank you.
Britt: ...’cause... you are now my permanent secretary! Here is what has gone down, Lenore. You’ve displayed two things. Balls. And there’s one thing I like on my women. It’s balls. Please me my permanent secretary.
Lenore: Are you kidding me?
Britt: I’m not kidding. This is how I do, this is how I roll. Every day, all day. I make it rain like this, okay.
& Britt: Let’s get to work, Kato. All right, we got a plan. Start small, work our way up to the top.
Kato: We’ll need a car.
Britt: Hell’s yes, we’ll need a car.
Kato: With internal weapons. And armor.
Britt: Cool rims*, spinning rims. Slurpee machine. A horn that plays La Cucaracha. It’ll be loaded up the ass with cool shit.
Kato: I can do that.
& Britt: Kato, I want you to take my hand. And I want you to come with me on this adventure.
Kato: I’ll go with you. But I don’t want to touch you.
Britt: Okay, you don’t have to take my hand. But will you come with me on this adventure?
& Popeye: He said that this is his town now.
Chudnofsky: A man comes in, in an ancient costume and you shit your pants?
Tupper: Look, trust me. A guy... grown man wearing a mask. Is a little bit scarier than a guy wearing a suit.
Chudnofsky: You’re not pleased with my suit? Does it fail to fill you with fear?
Tupper: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any disrespect.
Chudnofsky: Do you have any idea how many great people I’ve killed in a suit?
& Britt: Ho... ho... how long was I out? What time is it?
Kato: Two o’clock.
Britt: Oh, that’s not so bad, I guess.
Kato: On Thursday.
Britt: It’s Thursday, are you kid... it’s not Monday right now?
Kato: No, I’m sorry.
Britt: Did you put this diaper on me? Well what did I miss?
Kato: Nothing, really. I did some work on the Black Beauties.
Britt: Beau-"tie’s"? Holy crap. How the hell did you do this in four days?
Kato: It’s been eleven days.
& Britt: So, there’s this restaurant. That just opened in the San Fernando valley, and it’s called, La Maison de la Vuad. And the whole thing is, you eat your meal in total darkness. So with your deprived sight, each bite is like an orgasm in your mouth. And I was thinking maybe it would be...
--- Dict:
whiskers — бакенбарды
Tights — колготки; трико
rim — обод
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