Do-Over
Season 3, Episode 1
& Liz: Well, you know what they say about rumors, Jack. They make a “ru” out of “mor” and “s.”
& Jack: You owe me a job, Banks. You know her father wanted me to takeover before he slipped into that coma.
Banks: If there’s one thing I learned from you, Jack, it’s keep your friends close... And your enemies so close that you’re almost kissing. So... ahem... that’s why I’m gonna offer you a job. In the mailroom.
Jack: I’ll take it.
& Jenna: Great news, guys. I just got a residual check from that Japanese commercial I did. I still don’t know how that advertised Tokyo University. But I’m gonna use this $300 to buy us all some new boots for me.
& Tracy: It’s official! I’m a genius. My video game is selling through the rizz-noof.
Jenna: Well, how far through the "rizz-noof"?
Dot Com: Whoa, that’s not slang. He has a speech impediment.
& Liz: Jack?
Jack: I’m back, Lemon. Devin thought he could humiliate me, but he doesn’t understand that I worked my way up from the bottom before, and I can do it again. The last time took me 22 years, but I know so much more now this time. I think I can do it in nine.
Liz: So you’re gonna be a mailroom guy.
Jack: I’m the head mailroom guy. I’ve already been promoted once since this morning.
Liz: That’s pretty fast.
Jack: With a little hard work, I think I’ll be back to VP status before I’m 60.
& Liz: Can I hide this box of penis pasta in your dressing room?
& Jack: Lemon. She touched me.
Liz: Who?
Jack: Kathy Geiss. She touched me in my swimsuit area.
Liz: No! Kathy?
Jack: It made me very uncomfortable. It’s not all erotic and fun, like when men do it to women. Have you ever been sexually harassed? ... I mean, how far would I have to let her go to get my old job back? ... Or would I really have to give her my gift? Oh, what am I talking about? I can’t go through this. If I pleasure Kathy to get my old job, I’m no better than Devin. The only path is the virtuous* path. Even if it takes five years.
Liz: I thought you said nine years.
Jack: I was promoted again this morning. I’m now director of mail systems.
& Jack: Banks, you’ve gotta get a hold of yourself. You’ve got a company to run.
Banks: Oh, I’m running it. I have a plan to quadruple profits by the year 2015.
Jack: How are you possibly going to do that?
Banks: The old-fashioned way, Jack. I’m gonna shut it down. I’m gonna shut the whole thing down for two years. I mean, imagine how badly people’ll want light bulbs then.
Jack: Are you insane? Think about the jobs, the economy. This is GE!
Banks: It’s just G now, Jack. I sold the E to Samsung. They’re Samesung now.
& Ken: May I help you.
Bev: Ah, I’m Bev. I’m here to do Liz’s adoption evaluation.
Ken: Oh, of course. I think adoption is a wonderful thing. Three of my nine siblings were adopted. And someday I’m gonna find them.
& Pete: Actually, I lived with Liz while I was separated from my wife. In a platonic way. Um, but I haven’t lived there for a couple months now. Because I’ve been in an anger management treatment center ’cause I shot one of my coworkers with an arrow.
& Tracy: Attention, everyone! I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone involved in making my video game the most profitable thing since the War on Terror.
& Liz: Are you sure she wants sex? Maybe she’s just looking for attention. I mean, her whole world is stuffed unicorns and soap operas.
Jack: Aren’t soap operas all about sex?
Liz: No, no way. No, the best part of a soap opera is when someone’s twin interrupts a wedding. Or somebody pulls a gun at the fitness center.
& Jack: It’s time, Lemon. Kathy’s texting me that Devin’s gone. I have to go upstairs.
Liz: What are you gonna do?
Jack: I’m gonna give Kathy the full soap opera while you try to trick a lady with a head injury. We might not be the best people...
Liz: ...but we’re not the worst.
Liz & Jack: Graduate students are the worst.
-- Dict:
virtuous — добродетельный; целомудренный
+ on Imdb.
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