Shrinkage

Atypical 3×7

Professor Judd: The moral quandary, a state of uncertainty requiring a choice between equally unfavorable options. But if that's too confusing for your soft, millennial brains, let's call it a pickle.
Sam: That's actually more confusing.

Professor Judd: Well, think of it as a dilemma, Sam. Say you're the engineer of a runaway train, right? You go left and you kill five people you know that are tied to the tracks, but you go right, you kill 20 people that you don't know. What do you do?
Sam: Kill the five because less death. It's not a quandary.
Professor Judd: Okay... All right, say a guy robs a bank and he gives the money to orphans. Right? So you now have a choice. You can either turn him in, the money goes back to the bank or you can let him go and the orphans keep the money. What do you do?
Sam: Turn him in. Sorry, orphans. It's not a quandary.
Professor Judd: Well, you live in quite the black and white world, Mr. Gardner.

Professor Judd: Oh, as you leave, a reminder, the midterm exam will be in three weeks, and it will be soul crushing. So study all night... you just might pass. Party all night and you will likely fail.
Sam: I rarely party and when I do, it's never all night. Again, not a quandary.

Zahid: All right, Sammy, it's time for Zahidarella to head to the ball. How do I look?
Sam: Like a UPS truck.
Zahid: Okay, I can see that. Boxy, brown, and I deliver a big package.

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Zahid: Sam, it's so fun being bossy. That's why Beyoncé couldn't ban that word. Also, who bans a word? That's bossy.

Zahid: Shrinkage.
Sam: What?
Zahid: Every company this size expects that customers will on occasion... remove items from the store without paying for them.
Sam: Stealing.
Zahid: It's called shrinkage, Sam. And it's built into the price of every single item. Honestly, it'd be more unusual if someone didn't take a Fitbit once in awhile.

Sam: Is Zahid the sort of person who makes morally questionable decisions?... 'You can kiss someone if they're married as long as they're not happily married. You're actually doing them a favor, and favors are nice.' 'Yo, Sam, my health insurance just went up. Would you mind dropping this on my foot so I can get some sweet workers comp?'

Elsa: There's only so far I can step back before I feel like I'm falling off a cliff...

Lauren: Is everything okay?
Sam: Why does everyone always ask that? Clearly the answer is no, and when is everything ever okay? The answer is never.

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