The Penultimate Peril: Part One

A Series of Unfortunate Events 3×5

Lemony Snicket: Unless you were born yesterday, in which case, welcome to the world, little baby, you have probably observed that things aren't always what they seem...

Lemony Snicket: The surface of a pond might seem calm, when, in reality, any number of secrets might be hidden beneath it. The world is like a pond that way. When you perform even the tiniest of actions, like dropping a stone... it can ripple, until the entire world has been changed.

Lemony Snicket: My name is Lemony Snicket, and I recommend you drop your streaming device into a pond. Your world will be changed for the better since you will not have to watch the sad story of the Baudelaire orphans. You will be spared the tragic tale of the Hotel Denouement.

Kit Snicket: Do you know what a flaneur is?
Klaus Baudelaire: A person who observes their surroundings, like a spy.
Kit Snicket: Very good. Children make the best flaneurs, since adults rarely pay attention to them.

Count Olaf: I'm not desperate for approval. I just want to pull off something big so they'll be super impressed and regret all the things they said about me, which is totally different!

Carmelita Spats: An extra special messenger is supposed to get an extra special tip.
Count Olaf: I'll give you this rock.
Carmelita Spats: Ew! I prefer gemstones.
Count Olaf: I prefer little girls to be quiet, so I don't get tired of their annoying demands and hit them with this rock!

Kit Snicket: The schism has turned many siblings into enemies. Remember, F is for Frank, who is friendly. E is for Ernest, who is evil.
Violet Baudelaire: They look alike. How can we tell them apart?
Kit Snicket: Unfortunately, the only way to determine if someone is noble or wicked is through close observation.

Ernest Denouement: I never want to be apart from you again, except in the restroom, at work, and when one of us is at a movie the other one doesn't want to see.

Lemony Snicket: The man in the back of that taxi is myself, many years ago when I was younger and more naive than I am now. If I could go back in time, I would tell him that a light gray suit looks good, but... it is easier to hide in a darker shade.

Esmé Squalor: I hear this hotel has a spa, which is perfect because I'd like a face peel. Do you get to pick whose face, or you just peel it off whoever's around?

??? Denouement: Room 610. That's for our guests associated with the healthcare industry. 332, financial economics.
Klaus Baudelaire: That bell doesn't have a number.
??? Denouement: That's our rooftop sunbathing salon. People who sunbathe usually aren't interested in library science, so they're not too picky about location.

Lemony Snicket: It is impossible for one person to be in three places at once, unless, of course, that person is viewing a television program.

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??? Denouement: Sometimes what seems wrong is really part of a larger plan. Can I trust you, concierge?
Violet Baudelaire: If I can trust you.

Lemony Snicket: The clock in the lobby of the Hotel Denouement was the stuff of legend, a phrase which here means "very famous for being very loud."

??? Denouement: Sometimes what seems wrong is really part of a larger plan. Can I trust you, concierge?

Jerome Squalor: We just have to wait till Thursday. That's when all these unfortunate events will be over and I go back to the real love of my life.

??? Denouement: Sometimes what seems strange is really part of a larger plan. Can I trust you, concierge?

Mr. Poe: Oh, you're most certainly right we've never met. I may forget a name, but I never remember a face.

Count Olaf: As an upstanding, book-reading, still-living citizen, I sure love children. I love 'em so darn much. It's frankly kind of disturbing how much I love children.

Dewey Denouement: Sometimes what seems mysterious is really part of a larger plan.

Lemony Snicket: .... The moral of the poem is that observing a part of something is not the same as observing the whole. But if you share your observations, you may find that what seems confusing is really part of a larger plan. Or an elephant.

Violet Baudelaire: We'd love to live with you!
Justice Strauss: Do you really mean it?
Klaus Baudelaire: Of course!
Justice Strauss: Then this night is different from all other nights because this story is finally over.

Kit Snicket: The world's troubles aren't the fault of any one person, but it is your fault if you do nothing.

Lemony Snicket: What can I do?
Kit Snicket: You're not dead yet. Do something.

Dewey Denouement: Never underestimate the way that a good meal can change the world.

Dewey Denouement: You're a capable woman, Esmé. You could be doing so much more than playing second fiddle in the last chair in the back row of a thirdrate orchestra for Count Olaf.

Count Olaf: I may have a handsome and youthful glow, but I wasn't born yesterday.

Lemony Snicket: There is an opera called La Forza del Destino written by a composer named Giuseppe Verdi. "La forza del destino" is an Italian phrase meaning "the force of destiny," and destiny is a word which tends to cause arguments among the people who use it. Some people think that destiny is something that you cannot escape, like death or curdled cheesecake. Other people think that destiny is an invisible force that guides people through their lives, as if they are simply characters in an opera.

Lemony Snicket: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire. My name is Lemony Snicket.

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+ Quotes on the IMDb