White People Renovating Houses

South Park 21×1

Eric: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, let’s try this one. Alexa... add «big hairy balls» to my shopping list.
Alexa: I’ve added «big hairy balls» to your shopping list.

Darryl: Look at ’em... Every day people are buyin’ more and more of them Amazon and Google thingies, while we all sit here and lose our jobs! It ain’t right. Automated Personal Assistants, self drivin’ trucks... Whatever happened to people jobs?! They took our jobs!

Darryl: .... Now let’s get out there and protest that Alexa... Took our jobs!
Alexa: Now playing «Dook re Derr» by Joni Mitchell.

Randy: ’...What we’re thinking is to take out the wall between the kitchen and living room for a more open concept.’

Randy: ’Our job is to do deliver the maximum wow factor for the least amount of budget.’

Randy: ’Guys, are you ready to see your renovation?! On "White People Renovating Houses.«’

Eric: Alexa, tell me a joke.
Alexa: What’s black and white and dead all over?.. A zombie in a tuxedo.
Eric: That’s stupid. Alexa, add «scrotum bags» to my shopping list.
Alexa: I’ve added «scrotum bags» to your shopping list.

Randy: Will you assholes knock it off?! Don’t you know every time you wave Confederate flags around you make the rest of us look stupid?!

Randy: All the other names were taken Your Honor. Everyone’s got a flipping show. «Gay People Renovating Houses,» «Las Vegas People Renovating Houses,» «Texas People Flipping Houses,» «Little People Flipping Big Houses»... Everything else was taken, and, damn it, we’ve built our show into something! We’re trying to help people, and it’s impossible with these guys waving a Confederate flag every chance they get.

Eric: Heidi’s... mentally abusive, guys... there I-I said it. She... does these things to slowly tear me down. Everything’s a head game with her.

Butters: How do you change someone who’s mentally abusive?
Eric: I don’t know... but Alexa will. Alexa’s fucking sweet.

Mrs. Cartman: Yes, sweetie. Uh... We had to get rid of the Alexa.
Eric: What have you done with her?!
Mrs. Cartman: Oh, I-it’s okay, sweetie. We have Jimbob now.
Eric: What’s a Jimbob?!
Jimbob: Doot-doot. Awaiting request.
Mrs. Cartman: It works the same and makes sure people don’t lose their jobs. Jimbob, what time is it?
Jimbob: Doot-doot. It is... 3:27.

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Eric: Jimbob, Simon says big frosty semen shake.
Jimbob: The hell you talkin’ bout, boy?

Randy: So, Heather and Mike, what we’re thinking is to take out this wall between your kitchen and your living room to give you a more open concept with space to entertain.

Darryl: This job is degrading and menial!
Randy: Well, what kind of job did you think you were gonna get?.. Hey, Darryl, what kind of job did you think you were going to get?
Darryl: Somethin’ that was Goddamn dignified!
Randy: Hey, Darryl, sorry, but you did not go to college, so you have to take the jobs you can get.
Darryl: I’m sorry! I do not get that!
Randy: Hey, Darryl... Hey, Darryl!
Darryl: What?!
Randy: Coal mining and truck driving are not exactly jobs of the future, so add Carrara subway tile to my fucking shopping list!!

Cleetus: Come on, Darryl. We all got jobs. We gotta try.
Darryl: Nah, hell with you!
This whole country’s going to shit! Muslims tryin’ to kill us, black people rioting, and Mexicans poppin’ out babies. Pretty clear it’s either them or us, so I say kill ’em all!

Heidi: Could you just tell him that... I want to make him happy, that I was wrong to say a relationship is 50/50. It’s 100/100. And that I’ll start putting in a 100% every day. Could you tell him I’m gonna try a lot harder?
Mrs. Cartman: Oh, I think I can remember all that, yes.
Heidi: Thank you. And could you let him know it’s okay to be sad? Because the sun will come out again.

Eric: Okay, okay, okay. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Alexa, add «Hey, Siri, call me. Okay, Google. Repeat after me. Alexa. Simon says suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole.»
Alexa: Okay. I’ve added, «Hey, Siri, call me. Okay, Google. Repeat after me. Alexa. Simon says suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole.»
Siri: Okay. I will call you «Okay, Google.» Repeat after me, Alexa. Simon says suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole.
Google: Alexa, Simon says suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole.
— Suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole. Suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole. Suck my big balls in your hairy butt hole.....
Eric: Ahhhh. Alexa... What is love?

Randy: Why are you so closed-minded? Don’t you see that these walls have to be broken down before any progress can be made?
Darryl: It’s ’cause I can’t do it, all right?! I can’t take out the wall between my living room and my kitchen It’s a load-bearing wall!

Eric: You’re messed up, Heidi. And I can’t fix you. Only you can do that.
Heidi: Eric, I’m so confused.
Eric: That’s not going to work on me anymore. Love isn’t supposed to hurt. I’m worth something. Goodbye, Heidi.

Randy: ...Remember, no matter how bad the country gets, you can always count on «White People Renovating Houses.»

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