Mr. Mercedes 1x1

Pilot

Janice: Be honest with me... I’m standing out here in the cold all night with a baby. Are would-be employers gonna just take one look and think, «Irresponsible»?
Augie: Well, they might say, «Dedicated.»

Augie: God, showing up to a jobs fair in a Mercedes-Benz. Sign of the times, I guess, right?

Pete: It’s worse than it looks.

Pete: I’ll have the, uh, grilled perch and a side of broccoli.
Bill: Yeah, I’ll have the open-faced roast beef and mashed potato and gravy. And a beer.

Sheila: Something wrong, hon?... With the spoon? Something wrong with it?
Bill: Ever notice everything is upside down on a spoon?
Sheila: Maybe that’s how life is, hon. That spoon has just got it figured out.

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Robi: I’ve got it on video, Lou. ....
Lou: My problem with smart phones is they don’t capture context.

Ida: This is the problem with standardized testing. Lawns don’t get mowed.

Ida: How long have you had trouble peeing?... Don’t give me the look.

Ida: When was the last time you had sex? Seriously.

Ida: This physical and emotional inertia... It’s what killed Larry, y’know. One day he’s a college professor. Then he retires. Little-by-little, minute-by-minute, he just retreated from the living. The depression slithered up like a constrictor. A slow, choking death. It was awful.

Robi: You have another job? What is this other vocation, Brady? Inventing space ships with Elon Muskrat, whatever the fuck his name is?

Robi: This is your job right here, Brady. This is your career. You sticker DVDs, you help old fackakas with dementia get Polident out of their laptops. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a role in society. A lot of people don’t got roles. You do. But you will never be happy unless you both appreciate what you have and accept what you are.

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