Kit: Damn it, Hal! I’m the biggest black action star in the world! Where’s my «Hasta la vista, baby»?
Hal: What are you talking about?
Kit: My «Hasta la vista.» If Arnold Schwarnzencracker is gettin’ to say lines like that, you better make sure that Kit Ramsey has shit that’s equally well-written.
Hal: The script has that moment.
Kit: When?
Hal: You say, «I enjoyed meeting you, Cliff.» Then you push the guy right over the cliff.
Kit: That’s too much for the audience to think about. They have to know the guy’s name is Cliff, that he’s on a cliff, and that Cliff and cliff are the same. It’s too cerebral. We’re trying to make a movie, not a film.
Kit: You better find me a line as good as the time I told Tommy Lee Jones, «Fuck y’all,» and blew his brains out!
Kit: You know what’s happenin’ here? This is another example of the white man takin’ all the best catch phrases... and then givin’ them to Arnold or Stallone. And Jackie Chan and Van Damme. They can’t even speak English good. There’s covert stuff goin’ on. Some covert shit I just found out.
Kit: Look at this. Just for fun... I scanned in the computer the script to see how many times... the letter «K» appears in the script. The letter «K» appears in this script 1,456 times. That’s perfectly divisible by three...
Freddy: So what? So what you saying?
Kit: What am I sayin’? «K-K-K» appears in this script 486 times!
Stricter: Your paranoia... is definitely under control since you came to understand... Happy Premise Number One.
Kit: Happy Premise Number One: There are no aliens.
Stricter: Happy Premise Number Two.
Kit: Happy Premise Number Two: There is no giant foot trying to squash me.
Stricter: Happy Premise Number Three.
Happy Premise Number Three: ... Even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won’t.
Stricter: So what do we do?
Kit: Keep... it... together. Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together.
Dave: What’s he gonna say?
Bowfinger: What difference does it make what he says? It’s an action movie. All he’s gotta do is run. He runs away from the aliens, he runs toward the aliens.
Dave: Why don’t you wait till you get a star who wants to be in it?
Bowfinger: Dave, I’m 49 years old. Admittedly, I could get away with 44, 41, maybe 38. But when you hit 50, they don’t hire you anymore. It’s like they can smell 50.
Bowfinger: When I was ten years old, I knew I wanted to make movies, but I knew no one was going to give me that. So I started putting away one dollar every week of my life. If I missed a week, I made it up later, from age ten on. And now, you’re looking at enough to get us started. $2,184.00.
Dave: But movies cost millions of dollars to make!
Bowfinger: That’s after gross net deduction profit percentage... deferment ten percent of the nut! Cash? Every movie costs $2,184.00.
Bowfinger: She was good, but she didn’t have «it.»
Slater: What do you mean, «it»?
Bowfinger: «It» is a special quality. No matter what is going on, you cannot take your eyes off that person. Every word they say, every gesture you’re interested in...
Slater: Do I have «it»?
Bowfinger: I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening. What?
Bowfinger: I wish you could see what I see.
Afrim: What do you see, boss?
Bowfinger: The most promising group of young professionals I’ve ever worked with.
Kit: White boys get all the Oscars. It’s a fact... Did I get a nomination? No. You know why? ’Cause I ain’t played none of them slave roles or get my ass whipped. That’s when you get the nominations. Black dude play a slave role, get his ass whipped, he gets the nomination. White boy play an idiot, they get the Oscar. Find me a script as a retarded slave, then I get the Oscar.
Bowfinger: Okay. You’ll do this?
Daisy: If I have to. If it’s for the movie, and you really want me to. And if it’s not just about nudity, but it’s artistic and says something about reality, and if it’s in character and for the scene, and if it’s not just a body that...
Stricter: It seems the paranoid... are sometimes actually being followed.
Bowfinger: This film is only for Madagascar and Iran, neither of which accept American copyright or trademark law.
--
++ Quotes on the IMDb
Hal: What are you talking about?
Kit: My «Hasta la vista.» If Arnold Schwarnzencracker is gettin’ to say lines like that, you better make sure that Kit Ramsey has shit that’s equally well-written.
Hal: The script has that moment.
Kit: When?
Hal: You say, «I enjoyed meeting you, Cliff.» Then you push the guy right over the cliff.
Kit: That’s too much for the audience to think about. They have to know the guy’s name is Cliff, that he’s on a cliff, and that Cliff and cliff are the same. It’s too cerebral. We’re trying to make a movie, not a film.
Kit: You better find me a line as good as the time I told Tommy Lee Jones, «Fuck y’all,» and blew his brains out!
Kit: You know what’s happenin’ here? This is another example of the white man takin’ all the best catch phrases... and then givin’ them to Arnold or Stallone. And Jackie Chan and Van Damme. They can’t even speak English good. There’s covert stuff goin’ on. Some covert shit I just found out.
Kit: Look at this. Just for fun... I scanned in the computer the script to see how many times... the letter «K» appears in the script. The letter «K» appears in this script 1,456 times. That’s perfectly divisible by three...
Freddy: So what? So what you saying?
Kit: What am I sayin’? «K-K-K» appears in this script 486 times!
Stricter: Your paranoia... is definitely under control since you came to understand... Happy Premise Number One.
Kit: Happy Premise Number One: There are no aliens.
Stricter: Happy Premise Number Two.
Kit: Happy Premise Number Two: There is no giant foot trying to squash me.
Stricter: Happy Premise Number Three.
Happy Premise Number Three: ... Even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won’t.
Stricter: So what do we do?
Kit: Keep... it... together. Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together.
Dave: What’s he gonna say?
Bowfinger: What difference does it make what he says? It’s an action movie. All he’s gotta do is run. He runs away from the aliens, he runs toward the aliens.
Dave: Why don’t you wait till you get a star who wants to be in it?
Bowfinger: Dave, I’m 49 years old. Admittedly, I could get away with 44, 41, maybe 38. But when you hit 50, they don’t hire you anymore. It’s like they can smell 50.
Bowfinger: When I was ten years old, I knew I wanted to make movies, but I knew no one was going to give me that. So I started putting away one dollar every week of my life. If I missed a week, I made it up later, from age ten on. And now, you’re looking at enough to get us started. $2,184.00.
Dave: But movies cost millions of dollars to make!
Bowfinger: That’s after gross net deduction profit percentage... deferment ten percent of the nut! Cash? Every movie costs $2,184.00.
Bowfinger: She was good, but she didn’t have «it.»
Slater: What do you mean, «it»?
Bowfinger: «It» is a special quality. No matter what is going on, you cannot take your eyes off that person. Every word they say, every gesture you’re interested in...
Slater: Do I have «it»?
Bowfinger: I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening. What?
Bowfinger: I wish you could see what I see.
Afrim: What do you see, boss?
Bowfinger: The most promising group of young professionals I’ve ever worked with.
Kit: White boys get all the Oscars. It’s a fact... Did I get a nomination? No. You know why? ’Cause I ain’t played none of them slave roles or get my ass whipped. That’s when you get the nominations. Black dude play a slave role, get his ass whipped, he gets the nomination. White boy play an idiot, they get the Oscar. Find me a script as a retarded slave, then I get the Oscar.
Bowfinger: Okay. You’ll do this?
Daisy: If I have to. If it’s for the movie, and you really want me to. And if it’s not just about nudity, but it’s artistic and says something about reality, and if it’s in character and for the scene, and if it’s not just a body that...
Stricter: It seems the paranoid... are sometimes actually being followed.
Bowfinger: This film is only for Madagascar and Iran, neither of which accept American copyright or trademark law.
--
++ Quotes on the IMDb
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