This Is Not Gonna End Well

Two and a Half Men 7×22

& Jake: Man, I love German cars...
    Charlie: If you keep your nose clean and work hard... someday you’ll be able to park them for a living.

& Alan: You know I was just trying to show concern for my son.
    Charlie: I do. And you know I was just trying to cause... severe nerve damage to your shoulder.
    Alan: I do. You know, we should maybe come up with some safe word... like “pumpernickel.”
    Charlie: Sure, whatever.

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& Charlie: Alan?
    Alan: Yeah?
    Charlie: You need teeth to say “pumpernickel.”

& Alan: You ever think about your dad and Ed having sex?..

& Jake: “Happy birthday, thinking of you.”
    Charlie: What’s wrong with it?
    Jake: It’s, what do you call it? Redumbnent.
    Charlie: “Redumbnent”?
    Jake: Yeah. You got her a present and you got her a birthday card. You’re obviously thinking of her. Saying you’re thinking of her is redumbnent.
    Charlie: So if you act like a moron, saying you’re a moron would be redumbnent.
    Jake: Now you’re getting it.

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On the IMDb