A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

Two and a Half Men 8×2

& Charlie: Damn it. How do you get a guy to leave your house who doesn’t wanna go?
    Berta: Tell him you missed your period and you’re out of pot. Always worked for me.

& Charlie: You’re giving those two morons a vote?
    Alan: It’s too traumatic. Turning their lives upside down.
    Charlie: So? Let them be traumatized. That’s the trouble with kids these days: Not enough trauma.

---

& Alan: I know you were looking forward to having the house back to yourself... but it’s just not gonna happen.
    Charlie: Oh, it’s gonna happen. As God is my witness, and by all that’s holy, it’s gonna happen.     Amen. Keep packing.

& Alan: Okay, we’re leaving.
    Charlie: What you say?
    Alan: I said we’re all packed and we’re leaving!
    Charlie: I know. I know. I heard you. I just never get tired of hearing it.

& Alan: But you gotta remember when...
    Charlie: Let me save you some trouble. My past is divided... between things I can’t remember and things I don’t wanna remember. You’re both.

--
On the IMDb