The Internet Is Coming

The IT Crowd 5×1

& Roy: Moss, have you seen the video of the baby speaking French?
    Moss: It went viral at 10:30, Roy, of course I’ve seen it!
    Roy: Oh. I must have been in the toilet.

& Moss: Thank you for the virgin gin and tonic.
    Reynholm: I suppose you could just call it tonic.

& Reynholm: So, Ross, how goes it in the world of computers? Or PC world, if you will?
    Moss: We’re all very happy, thank you, Mr Reynholm. Very happy indeed.

& Reynholm: Look, I’m not your boss. We’re just a couple of guys, a couple of guys, shooting this shit, now tell me the truth.

& Reynholm: Now, Ross, I’m going to tell you something... Confidence is a confidence trick. Look at me, what do you see?
    Moss: A man who inherited his father’s successful business.
    Reynholm: Wasn’t that successful.
    Moss: It was pretty successful. A lot more successful than it is now, that’s for sure.
    Reynholm: All right, all right, just say the right thing. Say the thing I want you to say. Say, “A confident man”, say “A confident man”!
    Moss: A confident man.

& Reynholm: And, Ross, I’m going to tell you what that secret is but you must keep it to yourself.
    Moss: I will take my ears to the grave.
    Reynholm: Two words..... Women’s slacks.
    Moss: I’m sorry?
    Reynholm: Women’s slacks.

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& Reynholm: That’s nothing like what I thought you were going to say. Is it not?
    Moss: It is not. I thought you were going to give me a book recommendation, or something...
    Reynholm: Book recommendation? I can’t read. No, I don’t know what it is, but women’s slacks give me the confidence I need to survive in a tough business world. They’re lighter, airier and less constricted than men’s trousers and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t make me a transvestite.

& TV: The woman who’s been dubbed by various online commentators as Coffee Tramp Toss Bitch has not been identified, while the man known as Small Person Racist was also...
    Roy: Small people are not a race! This isn’t Game Of Thrones!
    Jen: They’re actually calling me a bitch on the news...

& Reynholm: All right, spare me. I was young once, but if this gets out, this could deeply damage Renholm Industry’s ability to make that product that we make.
    Jen: What do you want us to do, Mr Renholm?
    Reynholm: Don’t do anything. Stay out of trouble and remain there. There are places lower than the basement...

& Roy: And now Anonymous are after us! Well, that’s just ideal...
    Jen: Oh, a bunch of nerds sitting at their computer, what can they do?
    Roy: We pissed off the Internet, Jen. The Internet is coming to get us!
    Jen: Well, let’s get IT before IT gets us.

& Jen: Oh, I don’t want Anonymous after me. I am inanonymous... I think... Let’s hide it.
    Roy: What?
    Jen: The Internet.
    Roy: Oh... Because we told you that was the Internet?
    Jen: Yes.
    Roy: We never told you it wasn’t the Internet?
    Jen: No.
    Roy: Well, the thing is, Jen... that’s not the Internet.
    Moss: What’s Jen doing with the Internet?
    Roy: We’re not doing that.
    Moss: Oh...

& Roy: Does it ever seem to you that the things that happen to us are sort of... strange?

& Roy: I’m probably going to die alone in front of computer pornography.
    Moss: I’ll just draw a sad face.

& Moss: OK, so what do women and small people both like? What do they both like?
    Roy: Chairs?
    Jen: Films?
    Roy: I really don’t know.

& Roy: Oooh, what’s a more romantic word for “knockers”?
    Moss: A MORE romantic word?

& Reynholm: I bought the tramp uniform and I’ve had to make myself scarce.
    Jen: So, you need somewhere to hide out?
    Reynholm: Yeah, somewhere off-piste.
    Jen: Somewhere where no-one will find you...
    Reynholm: Bottom of the world.
    Jen: You can use our office if you’d like.

& Reynholm: I’ll need someone to take care of business upstairs.
    Jen: We’re not doing anything.
    Reynholm: Well, this is perfect. My wonderful assistant, Joan, and her two friends... Ross-es. I’m going to go and piss around on the internet but actually I’ll need some food. I’ve already eaten one of the toys in here.
    Roy: Did he just say what I think he said?
    Moss: I wasn’t really listening.
    Roy: Is this... Is what’s happening good now? Is this good?
    Jen: Yes, it’s a very good outcome. Oh, my God! I think we’ve come out on top, I can’t believe it. We’ve come out on top!

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On the IMDb

Σ All is well that ends well. Finally.