A Pudding-Filled Cactus

Two and a Half Men 8×3

& Mia: Can we do this again?
    Alan: Again? Well, maybe you can do it again, but men are different.

& Alan: You know, you have to admit, this is a very curious turn of events. I mean, seven years ago... I arrived on this very doorstep, heartbroken and alone... and you had chicks coming out the kazoo. Now look at us. The student has become the master. Arigato, sensei. Ow!
    Charlie: You’re welcome, grasshopper.

& Berta: End of an era, huh, Charlie?
    Charlie: Yep. From now on, no brother, no nephew... just the sounds of the ocean... punctuated by the soft voices of prostitutes... lying about the enormity of my sexual organ.
    Berta: You do know how to paint a picture.
    Charlie: What can I say? I have the heart of a poet.
    Berta: Unfortunately, the rest of you is a drunken scumbag.

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& Alan: Hello?
    Berta: Don’t move, don’t breathe.

& Jake: You’re a great cook, Mrs. MacElroy.
    Lyndsey: Jake, I told you. Call me Lyndsey.
    Jake: Yes, ma’am.
    Lyndsey: You are such a sweetie. You could learn something from him.
    Eldridge: Suck up.
    Jake: Suck up with a drumstick.

& Alan: You will never guess what happened...

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On the IMDb