Two and a Half Men 3x8

That Voodoo That I Do Do

& Alan: Charlie? Charlie?! Oh! Of course. Man’s got a heat-seeking missile in his pants. Is it too much to ask that when we go out for a cup of coffee you at least stay within earshot so I’m not talking to myself like a crazy person?.. And again, I’m talking to myself like a crazy person.

& Charlie: That attitude is why you sleep alone with a copy of Monster Boobs magazine under your pillow.
    Alan: Stay out of my room!

& Charlie: I can’t stop thinking about that girl I met. I have to find her.
    Alan: Hmm, it’s a shame you can’t let your penis sniff a piece of her clothing.

& Charlie: Did you see her butt? It was like a ripe little peach.
    Alan: That’s your answer? Her ass reminded you a fruit?
    Charlie: Berta, explain to him.
    Berta: Well, a lot of the times a peach will have a subtle cleft in it that is visually reminiscent of a woman’s...
    Alan: Thanks, thanks. I got the visual.

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& Alan: And you, why do you enable this behavior?
    Berta: Why? I’ll tell you why. Because your brother is the embodiment of the can-do, roll-up-your-sleeves spirit that made this country great! He never gets discouraged; he goes after what he wants; and he doesn’t know the meaning of the word quit. And if the day should come when any man, no matter how humble, can’t go out there and soil the loins of some hot little dancer, well, I don’t want to live in that America.
        # O, beautiful, for spacious skies #
        # For amber waves of grain... #

& Alan: You know what? It really doesn’t matter what I say. You will never convince him to take ballet.
    Charlie: But if I can, will you stay out of it?
    Alan: I guess...
    Charlie: Great! Hey, Jake...

& Alan: How about that?
    Charlie: He’s got a crush. It’s like watching a dog chase a car. He’ll never catch it, and even if he did, he couldn’t drive it. He’s still doing better than you.

& Charlie: I’m sorry, Mia, I can’t... I can’t do this to him. {...} You know what? I’ve got to take you home.
    Mia: I understand... You love Jake. You’d rather give up spending the night with me than risk hurting his feelings.
    Charlie: Right. Although, when you spell it out like that it sounds incredibly stupid.

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moot — обсуждать; спорный

+ quotes on the Imdb.