Two and a Half Men 3x10

Something Salted and Twisted

& Charlie: Pretty fancy prices here.
    Alan: Yeah, well, just so we’re clear, I am picking up the tab tonight.
    Charlie: Okay.
    Alan: This is my celebration. I invited you.
    Charlie: Fine.
    Alan: So don’t go grabbin’ the check.
    Charlie: I won’t touch the check.
    Alan: I mean, if you wanna leave the tip that would be alright.
    Charlie: I could do that.
    Alan: I-I usually leave 15%, but if you wanna give 20, that’s your call.
    Charlie: Thank you.
    Alan: Unless you think it’s easier if we just split the check.
    Charlie: Whatever.
    Alan: Of course in, uh, in many families if someone is celebrating some good news his brother would insist on buying dinner.
    Charlie: Then why don’t I do that.
    Alan: But, uh, but I’ll leave the tip.
    Charlie: One question...
    Alan: What?
    Charlie: Do you have any money?
    Alan: No. I, uh, I left my wallet at home.
    Charlie: You mean... this wallet?
    Alan: Oh good, you found it! I-I was looking all over.

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& Evelyn: Well, anyway, I’m here so what’s your big announcement Alan? Jake! Get that spoon off your nose! You don’t know where it’s been.
    Jake: It’s been on my nose!
    Evelyn: You really must start looking at trade schools for the boy.

& Charlie: Mornin’ everybody!
    Jake: Ssshh. He’s hungovered.
    Charlie: Oh yeah. Well, isn’t this an ironic turn of events? Me, waking up feeling all bright and chipper, and you... looking like a stool sample. ... Not a big irony fan, huh?
    Alan: Charlie...
    Charlie: Yeah?
    Alan: Either stop talking, or at least have the decency to kill me.

& A girl: Is he ok?
    Charlie: I don’t know. Sir, are you ok?!
    Alan: I thought we came here to talk...
    Charlie: Not to each other!

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On the Imdb.