Tucker and Dale vs Evil

& Clerk: Read that list back to me.
    Tucker: OK, three-quarter-inch nails, hacksaw, baling hooks, brush-clearing Scythe, clamps... crosscutting handsaw... lubricated condoms... feminine napkins, stone bit, one-eighth hole saw...
    Chloe: Oh, my God!
    Allison: It’s just me.
    Chloe: Let’s get out of here. This place is so creepy.
    Tucker: Dale, we need anything else?
    Dale: Pickled eggs. Six-pounder.

& Sheriff: There ain’t nothing up there but pain and suffering on a scale you can’t even imagine.

& Dale: Oh, my God, Tucker, what happened to your face?
    Tucker: I sawed into a bees’ nest.
    Dale: Why?

& Mike: What is this place?
    Mitch: It’s just a cabin. It doesn’t mean they’re psycho killers.
    Chloe: Oh, yeah? Then why don’t you go in there and talk to them?
    Mitch: All right. Maybe I will. ... I said maybe!

& Mitch: Come on, four out of seven.
    Todd: No way, dude. You lost.
    Chad: Just shut up and walk, bitch.

& Allison: God, you are right again. You are killing me.
    Dale: I know. I’m sorry about that. I just... I got this weird brain where I’m dumb as a stump, but I remember everything I ever heard.
    Allison: That sounds pretty smart to me.
    Dale: No, trust me, I’m stupid. I barely even made it past the third grade.
    Allison: Oh, that doesn’t mean anything. There’s a difference between education and intellect.

& Tucker: Please, hurry up! My face is as hot as a hemorrhoid.

& Allison: What are you doing?
    Dale: Oh, I’m digging a shitter hole. I’m digging a crap... crapper hole. It’s a... It’s a hole. It’s for the shithouse. Craphouse... Outhouse hole. An outhouse hole.

& Dale: OK, so what... what do we... We go to the police? Call the police?
    Tucker: Yeah. And tell ’em what?
    Dale: Uh... we’ll tell ’em what happened.
    Tucker: That’s a good idea, Dale. “Oh, hidey-ho, Officer. We’ve had a doozy of a day. There we were, minding our own business, doing some chores around the house, when kids started killing themselves all over my property.”
    Dale: Well, that’s what happened, Tucker!
    Tucker: You would have to be a moron to believe that, Dale. It doesn’t matter what happened. What matters is what looks like what happened.

---

& Tucker: I don’t know how much experience you’ve had with this, but... we were scared shitless.
    Dale: Scared shitless.
    Sheriff: You must think that I’m some kind of moron to believe a story like that.
    Dale: No...
    Tucker: Oh, no.
    Dale: No, sir. Not a moron, just... open-minded.

& Tucker: Officer, do we look like a couple of psycho killers to you?
    Sheriff: Well, it’s... it’s hard to say. Looks can be... deceiving.

& Tucker: It is a beautiful day for a run, isn’t it?

& Allison: Where are they?
    Dale: They’re out there somewhere right now tryin’ to kill my best friend... and my dog.

& Dale: Oh, my God! They cut off his bowlin’ fingers!

& Dale: I was nervous. I don’t know how to talk to girls, and I...
    Allison: Dale, I know that now, but we didn’t then.
    Dale: You thought I looked like some kind of freak.
    Allison: We misjudged you, Dale. I... I’m really sorry.
    Dale: Don’t be sorry. It’s my fault. I should have known that if a guy like me talked to a girl like you, somebody’d end up dead.

& Tucker: This vacation sucks.

& Chloe: No, I’m not going in there!
    Jason: Hey, hey, hey. Now, Chad said if they were gone longer than 15 minutes, we come in, guns blazing.
    Chloe: But you don’t even have a gun!
    Jason: Damn it, woman! Don’t argue with me!

& Chloe: Are they drinking tea? Oh! I would totally love a cup of tea right now.
    Jason: No! No way. They’re fucking trapped.
    Chloe: Oh... yeah.

& Chloe: Help me!
    Chad: Get off of me, you nasty bitch!

& Tucker: I think we should go to the pickup truck right now.
    Allison: Wait. Maybe we should help him.
    Chad: Argh!
    Allison: Never mind. Let’s just go.

& Tucker: I tell you something, Dale... It’s gonna be a long time before I take a vacation again.

& Dale: You want a killer hillbilly? I’ll show you a killer hillbilly!

& Chad: It’s time for you to feel my pain.
    Dale: Bring it, frat bitch.

& Dale: Wait, Chad! Wait! You’re a hillbilly, too! Look!

& Allison: What did you do?
    Dale: Anthemis nobilis.
    Allison: What?!
    Dale: It’s the ingredient in camomile tea that causes an anaphylactic reaction in rare cases where people are allergic to it. Like I said, I remember weird stuff.

& Allison: Oh, my God, should we go help her?
    Dale: Hell, no.
    Allison: Whatever.

--
+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ Completely misunderstanding. Don't prejudge ever!