Two and a Half Men 3x12

That Special Tug

& Alan: Did you see how happy Jake was to be spending the weekend away from me?
    Charlie: Why would you think that? Just because he jumped out of the car while it was still moving?

& Alan: It’s natural for him to want to spend more time with his peers than his parents. But... all the same... it’s sad.
    Charlie: Yeah. Sunrise, sunset.

& Alan: ... I haven’t read the book! And, oh, oh... poetry, poetry! Byron, and Keats, and Shelley! And biographies! Oh! Julius Caesar, and Abraham Lincoln, and, oh, Groucho Marx! I mean, look at them all! Look at them! They’re mocking me! I haven’t read any of them!
    Charlie: Okay, well, just pick one for now.
    Alan: Why bother?! There’s not enough time! There’s too many books and not enough time!

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& Dr. Linda Freeman: All right, let’s stop here for a minute and talk in general about your feelings towards women.
    Charlie: No, thanks.
    Dr. Linda: Rather discuss your childhood?
    Charlie: Nope.
    Dr. Linda: Father?
    Charlie: Dead.
    Dr. Linda: Mother?
    Charlie: Killed him.
    Dr. Linda: Would you like to discuss that?
    Charlie: We just did.

& Dr. Linda: Charlie, I’m not sure we’re on the same page here. Have you ever been in therapy before?
    Charlie: Does massage therapy count?
    Dr. Linda: No.
    Charlie: It’s almost the same thing. One on one with a strange woman who charges you for an hour then only gives you 50 minutes.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.