The Weekend Vortex
Sheldon: Movies or video games? No, board game? Or trading card games? Or Lego’s? Or dress up? Or comic books?! Or dramatic readings of novelizations?! Yes to all!
& Amy: My Aunt Flora’s 93rd birthday party. {...} She’ll be disappointed if we don’t show up.
Sheldon: She’s 93. She won’t be disappointed for very long.
Amy: No, hang on. I followed all the protocols set forth by you in the relationship agreement. I made a written record request 72 hours in advance. I checked the tire pressure on the car. I even contacted the Centers For Disease Control to find out what shots they recommend for travel to Orange County... FYI, it’s none.
& Sheldon: Amy, the relationship agreement was not designed for either one of us to get our way.
Amy: You use it to get your way.
Sheldon: I use it to get the right way. The fact that the right way is also my way is a happy coincidence.
& Leonard: I’d make fun of Sheldon for having girl problems if I wasn’t in shock that Sheldon has girl problems.
Sheldon: No, Leonard, go ahead and mock. Like my daddy always said, “Shelly, women aren’t anything but flippin’ pains in the bottom.”
& Penny: Sorry, Stallion. Your weird friend Giraffe is here.
& Sheldon: Hello, Penny! I just stopped by to bring you this gift.
Penny: Gummy bears? Thank you.
Sheldon: Now that you’re in my debt... please manipulate Amy into releasing me from my commitment to attend her aunt’s tedious birthday party.
& Sheldon: I thought the candy might not be enough so let me up the ante. These are Cooper Coupons. These are for various things I can do for you. Um, oh, this one is for one free grammar check. Uh... You could use it for emails, letters, tattoos, what have you.
& Leonard: Keep an eye on those expiration dates, I’ve been burned more than once.
& Sheldon: Oh, come on. It’s just a simple favor. Now, when’s the last time I asked you to do something for me?
Penny: Yesterday. You made me look in your ear to see if there was a ladybug in it.
Sheldon: When is the last time I asked you to do something that wasn’t a medical emergency?
Penny: Yesterday. You made me look in your ear to see if there was a ladybug in it.
& Sheldon: All right, then, I have no choice but to go on to plan B.
Penny: What’s that?
Sheldon: I’m going to run around outside with a wet head and try to catch a cold.
& Sheldon: Is the whip sound app contextually appropriate here?
Leonard: Uh, it is, but I think you might’ve waited too long for it to be funny. ..... I was wrong; it’s still funny.
& Penny: Amy, what’s wrong?
Amy: My boyfriend’s a jerk.
Penny: Well, I know he didn’t cheat on you, so what happened?
& Penny: I get that. I mean, he’s your first boyfriend and all...
Amy: Not just my first boyfriend, he’s the best boyfriend! I mean, think about it. I’m dating Sheldon Cooper!
Penny: ..... Yes... On purpose.
& Leonard: Raj, Imperial Troopers on your tail!
Raj: Got him. When Gandhi advocated his philosophy of non-violence, I bet he didn’t know how much fun it was killing stuff.
& Amy: That’d be my boyfriend happier playing his dopey Star Trek game with his friends than hanging out with me.
Penny: Wars.
Amy: What?
Penny: Star Wars. They get all cranky when you mix the two up.
Amy: What’s the difference?
Penny: There’s absolutely no difference!!
& Amy: How do I get him to treat me better?
Penny: All right. Let me give you a little girlfriend 101. Usually the first move out of the gate is you withhold sex, but that will work better after Sheldon hits puberty. So, I’d say... give him the silent treatment.
Amy: No, he loves that. Our record for sitting in a room together and not speaking to each other is six-and-a half hours. He said it was a magical evening.
& Raj: Do you have any idea what it’s like to be the only one without a girlfriend? Even if I get one someday, I’ll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper!
& Amy: What about the Science Center?
Penny: I’ll let you hold my hair while I throw up.
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On the Imdb.
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