House of Lies 1x8

Veritas

& Clyde: Marty, what are you even doing here?
    Jeannie: Yeah, I thought you said you’d rather get jerked off by Edward Scissorhands than come to this thing.

& Marty: See? That’s why I hate these stupid things.
    Jeannie: Yeah, I’d rather get fingered by Edward Scissorhands.

& Skip: Marty. Like you to meet...
    Marty: James, my brother.
    Skip: Oh, you two know eother?
    Marty: Uh, yeah. From the meetings.
    Skip: The... the meetings?
    Marty: Black people meetings.

& Rainmaker: Hello, fellow HBS-ers.
    Marty: HBS— that’s Harvard Business School. ’Cause fuck if they’re going to waste their valuable time saying that whole thing.

& Clyde: She’s heinous, but seeing as you haven’t gotten ass in so long, I figure heinous* vagina is better than no vagina at all.

& James: I want you to, you know, fill in the gaps— the stuff they don’t teach us in B-school.
    Marty: Um... okay. You meet a prospective client— what do you do?
    James: Okay. Um, you establish a personal, respectful connection based on a common interest.
    Marty: Well, you know, that’s a perfect answer, James, and it is exactly what you would do if you’re in the 99% of consultants who are white.
    James: Okay. Okay, so what do I do?
    Marty: You gauge his reaction to the fact that you’re black, and then you use that to leverage.

& James: Okay, so what about if it’s the... the opposite?
    Marty: If you got David Duke?
    James: Exactly.
    Marty: Well, then, you just smile and let the other guy do the talking. We are here to open wallets, not minds.

---

& Jeannie: That was such a good story, about your boobs. Um, I have a real question though.
    Beth: Sure.
    Jeannie: Imagine you... tied a rope around the circumference of the earth. And then you add three feet to that rope. How far off the surface of the earth is it?
    Beth: ... You want me to do a case right now?
    Jeannie: I just want to see how you think.
    Beth: ...........
    Jeannie: Take your time. I’ll be back.

& Marty: What is this event about?
    Jeannie: Fucking the prom queen.
    Marty: Well, for you, it’s about getting some face time at the grown-up table. Now, do you want that?
    Jeannie: Yes.
    Marty: Yes. Want to make partner someday?
    Jeannie: Yes.
    Marty: Yes. Then you need to start kissing the ring. Or whatever else you want to put your mouth on.

& Marty: So how is the wine business?
    Rainmaker: Oh, it’s not a business, Marty. It’s a passion... Passion that pulls in seven figures a year.

& Clyde: What about tonight? I’ll take you out to all the L.A. hotspots. What do you think?
    Beth: Oh, my God. You are seriously the cutest.
    Clyde: I know.
    Beth: Thanks again.
    Clyde: What... the fuck just happened?

& Will: What’s your last name, Doug?
    Doug: You’d be wasting your time.
    Grant: Guggenheim.
    Will: Great.
    Grant: Guggenheim him.
    Doug: Guggenheim me?
    Grant: People, he’s Guggenheiming!
    Doug: My name is a verb now?
    Will: Guggenheiming it.

& Jeannie: What are you doing?
    Marty: I’m just waiting for the fireworks to start. In T minus five... four, three, two... Light the candle.

& James: You... I... You set me up? You fu... you fucking crab-barrelled me?
    Marty: James, you asked for my advice, right? I mean, you... you fucking begged for it. Well, I just taught you the most important thing that I know. You never, ever trust anyone... until you know their angle.

Yeled by Violet Vision

--
heinous — отвратительный; гнусный; ужасный

On the Imdb.