Strangers: Part Two

This Is Us 4×18

Toby: We really need a full-on three-layer birthday cake for this guy, huh? I'm pretty sure Jack would be happy mainlining sugar right off the counter.
Kate: Yeah, it's tradition, Toby.
Rebecca: Yeah. Okay? It's the Big Three. There's three layers.

Nicky: Oh, you know, there are billboards of you all over town. I think it's an ad for your nipple?
Kevin: Uh, it's a cologne ad, okay? And people love it.
Nicky: Hmm. Well, it always makes me laugh. I think 'cause I know you.

Kevin: Tomorrow is my, uh, one-year sober. My one-year is also Jack's birthday.

Beth: Sorry, sorry. You know black don't pack.
Randall: Is that a thing?
Beth: I don't know, I just came up with it.

Jack Damon: "Abigail" for a girl?
Lucy: Hmm. They call her Abby, rhymes with "scabby", and she has a terrible life.

Lucy: We should have just learned the sex. It would have eliminated half the awful options.

Kevin: ...And I also know that you wouldn't have asked her to do that trial if you hadn't done an insane amount of research. I mean, like, Claire Danes in Homeland insane research. I get that, but...

Kate: Question for you.
Randall: Yeah.
Kate: Do you get progressively weirder as you get older? Is that what happened? ... So then when does it end? Is it like you're gonna wake up one day and, like, you're Steve Buscemi?
Kevin: He's... That's... Steve Buscemi is, like... That's his baseline.

Toby: You hear that, Jack? That's the sound of the Big Three just teasing and laughing. It's pretty much the most beautiful sound in all the land.

---

Rebecca: I've just been thinking a lot about their first year, Jack. Kate's first tooth and... Randall's first words. Kevin's first steps.

Toby: He is here. Okay? And I'm here. And we're gonna get through this together. All right? The three of us.

Dr. Katowski: That song. Ah. It made us happy, it made us sad, it made us happy again. The whole human experience just wrapped up in that one... song. Hospitals are kind of like that, you know. These bizarre buildings where people experience some of their greatest joys and... some of their most awful tragedies. All under one roof. I think the trick is... not trying to keep... the joys and the tragedies apart. But you kind of got to let 'em cozy up to one another. You know, let 'em coexist.
     And I think that if you can do that, if you can manage to forge ahead with all that joy and heartache mixed up together inside of you, never knowing which one's gonna get the upper hand...
     And, well, life does have a way of shaking out to be more beautiful than tragic... Not as good as the lemon thing, but it's the best I can do at short notice.

Madison: Actually, the only thing I definitively know about him is that he... comes from a long line of great love stories. And this... This would not be what he wants.

Kevin: The love of my life will be my child.
Madison: Children... It's twins, Kevin.

--
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After the Fire

This Is Us 4×17

Randall: Don't you ever wonder what it would've been like if Dad hadn't died?
Kevin: No. I don't, Randall. Do you?
Randall: ... Every single day.

Dr. Leigh: What do you think would've been different?

Rebecca: Thank God you didn't go back in the house.

Jack: Hey, guys, listen to me. We're all gonna be fine. Right? We're here, together. That's all that matters. This family is the only thing that matters.

Rebecca: It's not about the house. I mean, we, we could have died. And it just... it-it puts things in perspective, you know?
Jack: Like what?
Rebecca: Like... Things you know you should share, but you don't because it's hard. And... time goes by. And then more time goes by, and eventually you're... I have to tell you something.

Randall: Are you William Hill?... My name is Randall Pearson. I think I'm your son.

Beth: Life is short, Randall. It's too damn short.

---

Dr. Leigh: I'm sorry to interrupt you, Randall, but I suspect that you and your father are about to band together to save your mother?

Dr. Leigh: So ... in the version of your life where your father lives, you immediately find your birth father, get him clean, your parents' marriage survives, you have the same wife and kids, cure stomach cancer, and you get your mother into this clinical trial?
Randall: Yeah, that's what I think would've happened.
Dr. Leigh: Gotcha..... Hey, there's, um, Scrabble and Connect Four in the cabinet behind you. You're in that chair for another half an hour. We could either play games or you could be honest. Your choice.

Dr. Leigh: Let's try this again. This time tell me what scares you the most about what could have happened if your father survived that night?

Dr. Leigh: You're aware that you don't control the outcomes of every situation in your life?

Dr. Leigh: I'm a therapist. I don't give advice. I offer observations and I pose questions. Observation. ..... Question. .....

Beth: It took six episodes, but it finally makes sense.

Beth: Well, hell, I could've told you that. How much we paying this lady?

--
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New York, New York, New York

This Is Us 4×16

Randall: You know I'm always here for some Jack-rassic Park.

Toby: Ptero-Jack-tyl. Sorry, it was right there.

Randall: This is what's best for her. I need you to trust me on this one.

Jack: We have exactly one day in New York City... So, have each of you picked the one activity you would like to do?
Kevin: Everything Kevin McCallister does in Home Alone 2. ...
Jack: I said you could pick one thing, not an entire movie's worth.
Kevin: Fine. A huge toy store. Like the one Kevin McCallister goes to, obviously. ...
Randall: The natural history museum, for dioramas. ...
Kate: I want to go to a fancy hotel and drink tea like Eloise.

Rebecca: My dad used to take my mom and I into the city every year. He just, he had this thing about him. He made everything in the city feel magical...

Kevin: Seriously? Two museums in one day?
Randall: Bad luck for you.
Kevin: This is supposed to be a vacation!

Kevin: I see the Entire State Building!

Kevin: Well, only the best for you. You're like Cinderella, you know, and I'm one of those, uh, those mice that helps you. I'm, like, the-the... the handsomest mouse, whatever that mouse is, that's me... I really want this weekend to be special for you, Mom.

---

Kevin: It's, um, all my acting teacher. Seriously, he's incredible. He's teaching me to be present. It's the Meisner Technique. It's awesome.

Kevin: Wow. Watch out, Helen Mirren.
Rebecca: Ah, stop it! You know she's my spirit animal.
Kevin: She's everybody's spirit animal.

Kevin: I can't believe we're actually lost in New York. I just need to meet a weird pigeon lady and I'll practically be Macaulay Culkin.

Jack: It's getting late. I want to get over to Mom's museum.
Randall: No, I am tired.
Kate: But my feet hurt.
Kevin: I've learned too much today already.

Randall: Screw you, Kevin.

Rebecca: ... We were always in a rush. And I would think to myself, "Next time. Next time I'm gonna go to the Met. Next time". My life has been full of "next times". Things I always assumed I would get to eventually. But now I realize that I am... running out of time to do them.

Rebecca: Let's face it, guys. I'm-I'm losing my memory. ... And I... I want to spend however many good years I have left, I want to spend it with my family. I want to try new things, like... walking on red carpets. I want to make up for all of my "next times".

Randall: Don't you ever wonder what it would've been like if Dad hadn't died? If he hadn't gone back in for that dog? If our lives would've turned out differently?
Kevin: No. I don't, Randall, do you?
Randall: Yeah, man. Every single day.

--
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Pancakes

You're the Worst 5×13

Lindsay: I can't believe this day is finally here!.. I mean, think about all the men it took to get here... So, so many men.

Gretchen: I don't even pity you anymore. I just hate you now.

Jimmy: Well... I-I don't think that I want to marry you.

Gretchen: You mad?
Jimmy: Only murderously.

Jimmy: We should probably go in. Watch Paul and Lindsay make the same mistake twice.

Jimmy: I had to pretend to be someone who wants to take care of someone in sickness and health. False concepts like "forever," "eternity," "until death..." Who wants to lie in front of everyone they know that they're gonna love someone forever? How can you know that?!

Jimmy: You've been saying all along that we might change. Well, can you really promise that your feelings won't change 40 years from now? 20 years from now? Five years from now? This ceremony... is a fiction. It's a false guarantee that protects us from exactly nothing. It's novocaine. It's an opiate. It's a lie!

Gretchen: So, instead of making these giant, fake, impossible-to-live-up-to pledges, what the fuck are we gonna do? What do you want, Jimmy?
Jimmy: .... Pancakes.

---

Gretchen: So we're not getting married.
Jimmy: No.
Gretchen: But we're not breaking up.
Jimmy: No.
Gretchen: So what are we going to do?

Jimmy: Every day... we choose. I don't want to be with you because I made a promise to be with you. I want to be with you because I want to be with you. So every day... we wake up, we look at each other and say, "Today, again... I choose you." Until maybe one day we don't.

Jimmy: We don't declare anything. Except this... Gretchen, every day I will make the choice to love you. And love you I will. Wholeheartedly. That one day. Because I choose to.

Gretchen: Hey, you know that there's always a possibility that some day I might leave my phone and keys at home and step in front of a train. You know that, right?
Jimmy: Yeah. But I'll move on really quickly. Like, record-setting.
Gretchen: Okay.

--
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An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell

Young Sheldon 3×17

Dr. Sturgis: Whoops. Time flies when you're having fun.
Sheldon: What could be more fun than giving a physics lecture?
Dr. Sturgis: Finishing a physics paper.

Sheldon: Interesting! That sounds like a step towards a unified field theory.
Dr. Sturgis: Fingers crossed. Although I can't cross my fingers... arthritis.

Sheldon: Here we go... "A Reconsideration of the Role of Time Operators in Quantum Mechanics." Grabby title.
Meemaw: Mm. I'll wait for the movie.

Jana: This is nice.
Georgie: I like to think of Chi-Chi's as a more romantic Taco Bell.

Georgie: Water sounds great. Refreshing.

Sheldon: I'm glad Dr. Sturgis let me read his paper before he published.
George: Why is that?
Sheldon: He's getting numbers for the massive neutrinos that are in excess of a hundred giga-electron volts.
George: Well, good for him.
Sheldon: No, it's embarrassing.
George: Had a 50-50 shot...

---

Dr. Sturgis: What did you think?
Sheldon: I thought your typing was very tidy. Your sentence structure was impressive. And your theory was... not without succeeding in avoiding success.
Dr. Sturgis: Well, Sheldon, uh, you don't need to beat around the bush. We're men of science. Uh, just give it to me straight.
Sheldon: The masses for your neutrinos are impossible.

Dr. Sturgis: I don't know how I missed that. I'm such an idiot.
Sheldon: You're not an idiot. You're just a bonehead.

Georgie: Hold on a second. Is this one of those fights where we end up making out in the back seat?

Mary: Can you believe this?! Boy trophy, boy trophy... boy trophy.
George: Hmm, all I see is my trophy wife... Nope? Okay.
Mary: Look, the only girl trophies are for cheerleading, soccer and golf.
George: So buy Missy a golf trophy and tell her it's a skinny bat.

Connie: I knew all that God talk was covering something really evil...

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, Sheldon Cooper. I need your help reporting an academic crime.

--
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The Guy for This

Better Call Saul 5×3

Jimmy: Can I talk?... I-I-I'll talk.

Lalo: You know, Tuco told me about you. You're the guy with the mouth.

Jimmy: A le... A legal problem? Alright, fantastic. I'm so... Just, for a minute there, I thought I was gonna be swallowing condoms filled with heroin.
Lalo: No. Maybe later.

Jimmy: That's just... That's... terrific. That's the only word for it.

Jimmy: Um. Oh, gee, well, it's a full day of my time. And prep work, transportation, rush fees... Uh, do the math. It's like seven thousand... eight... nine hundred... and twenty five dollars. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Jimmy: Well... I met... some interesting people and had a few... ups and downs. But you know what? Financially speaking, Saul Goodman just had his best day yet. Ka-ching!
Kim: Huh... Good for Saul.

Hank: Okay. Wow me. Make my tiny eyes grow wide with delight.

Hank: And you are... ?
Jimmy: Saul Goodman.
Hank: Saul... Saul. Good. Man.

Kim: Do you... do you think you're special? A contract means something. It's the law, and it's enforceable! Deal with it!

Lalo: And what do you care?
Jimmy: Well, all due respect, you're paying me, but he's my client. I'd like to keep him alive.

Nacho: It's not about what you want. When you're in, you're in.

Mr. Acker: You'll say anything to get what you want, won't you?

--
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The Penultimate Peril: Part One

A Series of Unfortunate Events 3×5

Lemony Snicket: Unless you were born yesterday, in which case, welcome to the world, little baby, you have probably observed that things aren't always what they seem...

Lemony Snicket: The surface of a pond might seem calm, when, in reality, any number of secrets might be hidden beneath it. The world is like a pond that way. When you perform even the tiniest of actions, like dropping a stone... it can ripple, until the entire world has been changed.

Lemony Snicket: My name is Lemony Snicket, and I recommend you drop your streaming device into a pond. Your world will be changed for the better since you will not have to watch the sad story of the Baudelaire orphans. You will be spared the tragic tale of the Hotel Denouement.

Kit Snicket: Do you know what a flaneur is?
Klaus Baudelaire: A person who observes their surroundings, like a spy.
Kit Snicket: Very good. Children make the best flaneurs, since adults rarely pay attention to them.

Count Olaf: I'm not desperate for approval. I just want to pull off something big so they'll be super impressed and regret all the things they said about me, which is totally different!

Carmelita Spats: An extra special messenger is supposed to get an extra special tip.
Count Olaf: I'll give you this rock.
Carmelita Spats: Ew! I prefer gemstones.
Count Olaf: I prefer little girls to be quiet, so I don't get tired of their annoying demands and hit them with this rock!

Kit Snicket: The schism has turned many siblings into enemies. Remember, F is for Frank, who is friendly. E is for Ernest, who is evil.
Violet Baudelaire: They look alike. How can we tell them apart?
Kit Snicket: Unfortunately, the only way to determine if someone is noble or wicked is through close observation.

Ernest Denouement: I never want to be apart from you again, except in the restroom, at work, and when one of us is at a movie the other one doesn't want to see.

Lemony Snicket: The man in the back of that taxi is myself, many years ago when I was younger and more naive than I am now. If I could go back in time, I would tell him that a light gray suit looks good, but... it is easier to hide in a darker shade.

Esmé Squalor: I hear this hotel has a spa, which is perfect because I'd like a face peel. Do you get to pick whose face, or you just peel it off whoever's around?

??? Denouement: Room 610. That's for our guests associated with the healthcare industry. 332, financial economics.
Klaus Baudelaire: That bell doesn't have a number.
??? Denouement: That's our rooftop sunbathing salon. People who sunbathe usually aren't interested in library science, so they're not too picky about location.

Lemony Snicket: It is impossible for one person to be in three places at once, unless, of course, that person is viewing a television program.

---

??? Denouement: Sometimes what seems wrong is really part of a larger plan. Can I trust you, concierge?
Violet Baudelaire: If I can trust you.

Lemony Snicket: The clock in the lobby of the Hotel Denouement was the stuff of legend, a phrase which here means "very famous for being very loud."

??? Denouement: Sometimes what seems wrong is really part of a larger plan. Can I trust you, concierge?

Jerome Squalor: We just have to wait till Thursday. That's when all these unfortunate events will be over and I go back to the real love of my life.

??? Denouement: Sometimes what seems strange is really part of a larger plan. Can I trust you, concierge?

Mr. Poe: Oh, you're most certainly right we've never met. I may forget a name, but I never remember a face.

Count Olaf: As an upstanding, book-reading, still-living citizen, I sure love children. I love 'em so darn much. It's frankly kind of disturbing how much I love children.

Dewey Denouement: Sometimes what seems mysterious is really part of a larger plan.

Lemony Snicket: .... The moral of the poem is that observing a part of something is not the same as observing the whole. But if you share your observations, you may find that what seems confusing is really part of a larger plan. Or an elephant.

Violet Baudelaire: We'd love to live with you!
Justice Strauss: Do you really mean it?
Klaus Baudelaire: Of course!
Justice Strauss: Then this night is different from all other nights because this story is finally over.

Kit Snicket: The world's troubles aren't the fault of any one person, but it is your fault if you do nothing.

Lemony Snicket: What can I do?
Kit Snicket: You're not dead yet. Do something.

Dewey Denouement: Never underestimate the way that a good meal can change the world.

Dewey Denouement: You're a capable woman, Esmé. You could be doing so much more than playing second fiddle in the last chair in the back row of a thirdrate orchestra for Count Olaf.

Count Olaf: I may have a handsome and youthful glow, but I wasn't born yesterday.

Lemony Snicket: There is an opera called La Forza del Destino written by a composer named Giuseppe Verdi. "La forza del destino" is an Italian phrase meaning "the force of destiny," and destiny is a word which tends to cause arguments among the people who use it. Some people think that destiny is something that you cannot escape, like death or curdled cheesecake. Other people think that destiny is an invisible force that guides people through their lives, as if they are simply characters in an opera.

Lemony Snicket: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire. My name is Lemony Snicket.

--
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A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019)

Fred Rogers: Do you know what that means? To forgive? It's a decision we make... to release a person... from the feelings of anger we have at them. It's strange, but sometimes... it's hardest of all to forgive someone we love.

Lloyd Vogel: Seriously, why have a baby if you can't use him to get out of social obligations?

Lloyd Vogel: The tent. Why didn't you let them set it up for you?
Fred Rogers: Well, children need to know that even when adults make plans, sometimes they don't turn out the way we'd hoped.

Lloyd Vogel: You don't consider yourself famous?
Fred Rogers: "Fame" is a four-letter word, like "tape" or "zoom" or "face." What ultimately matters is what we do with it.

Oprah: What do you think is the biggest mistakes parents make in raising their children?
Fred Rogers: Um, not to remember their own childhood.

Fred Rogers: I think that the best thing that we can do is to... think about what it was like for us and know what our children are going through. It's so hard once you get to be a parent. You always say, "I will never do this," when your mother or father is doing it to you. You say, "I will never do this to my child." And then you get to our age and you forget what it was like to be this size. You really do forget. Well, but those children can help re-evoke what it was like. That's why, when you're a parent, you have a new chance to grow. You do.

Fred Rogers: There is no normal life that is free from pain.
Lloyd Vogel: How do you deal with it?
Fred Rogers: Oh, well, there are many ways you can deal with your feelings without hurting yourself or anybody else.
Lloyd Vogel: Yeah, like...? Like what?
Fred Rogers: Well, you can pound a lump of clay... or swim as fast as you can swim or play the lowest keys on a piano all at the same time...

---

Lloyd Vogel: Are you a vegetarian?
Fred Rogers: I just can't imagine eating... anything with a mother.

Fred Rogers: I know you are a man of conviction. A person who knows the difference between what is wrong and what is right. Try to remember that your relationship with your father... also helped to shape those parts. He helped you become what you are.

Fred Rogers: Would you do something with me, Lloyd? It's an exercise I like to do sometimes. We'll just take a minute and think about all the people who loved us into being.
Lloyd Vogel: I... I can't do that.
Fred Rogers: They will come to you. Just one minute of silence.....

Jerry Vogel: It's not fair, you know? I think... I'm just now starting to figure out how to live my life.

Fred Rogers: You know, death is something many of us are uncomfortable speaking about. But to die is to be human. And anything human is mentionable. Anything mentionable is manageable. Anything mentionable is manageable.

Fred Rogers: I hope you know that you made today a very special day by just your being you. There's no one in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are.

--
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Thinking Out Loud

Inside No. 9 5×5

Bill: Hello, my name's Bill Ryland. I'm 65 years young and I'm looking to meet someone special for long walks, nice chats, cosy nights in, and sexual intercourse— I can say that, can't I? Er, you have to be a woman, just to make that clear.

Bill: I don't have too many requirements, although I did write a few things down, just to... narrow the search. Um... No big girls, no Eastern Europeans, no pensioners, no loonies, no lefties, no Liverpudlians and no lady-boys. Anyone else, feel free to contact me via the website thingy.

Galen: ... Then she starts striking me about the head, madder than a mule chewin' on a bumblebee - what you folks might nowadays call "domestic abuse".

Angel: .... I have got the mother, the mama, the madre of all Storytimes for you. Here goes. So, last Tuesday, I'd done a three-hour social media blackout as a fundraiser for... charity. So I hadn't looked at my phone, Insta, Twitter, nothing at all, since 10am. I know, right?! When I put my phone back on, all hell breaks loose.

Angel: So I'm reading this and feeling all these different emojis, and somewhere, from my sub-sub-conscience, I get a voice telling me...

Galen: She promised to give me a piece of her mind... and I'm here to collect.

--
On the IMDb

Raw (2016)

Adrien: Hey, it's just a game. What do you think could happen?

L'Infirmière: She probably wanted to be average. How do you see yourself?
Justine: Average.
L'Infirmière: Find yourself a quiet corner. Wait it out. The year always starts out rough.

Alexia: Beauty is pain.

Le père: Quicky'll be put down, if not already.
Justine: Why? He didn't attack her. That's cruel!
Le père: They have to. An animal that has tasted human flesh isn't safe. If he likes it, he'll bite again.

Le père: I'm sure you'll find a solution, honey...

--
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Tigers and Bears

The Outsider 1x9

Howard: That photo, that was... "the thing"?

Andy: Does anybody know if it can even be killed?
Ralph: Well, we... we have to assume it can be.
Andy: Why?
Ralph: It walks, it talks, it clearly needs food to sustain itself, so... it can be killed.

Seale: Me, I'd go with a couple of strings of garlic and a big wooden stake, maybe a big ol' cross.

Howard: I'll drive.
Claude: It's an hour there, hour back. That's with no traffic and all.
Howard: If I did not love to drive, I would not have purchased that fine piece of machinery outside, right?

George: There are no bears.
John: There were in the olden days...

Claude: A thing that can become other people?... You don't have any issue believing that?
Howard: I'm a criminal defense lawyer. I can believe anything.

Claude: Cold, flu, virus, cancer. It want in? There's not a fucking thing you can do about it. Same with this thing. It wanted in. It got in.

---

Holly: They died of influenza... They called it the Spanish flu epidemic of 1918, except it started at an army base in Kansas, went out from there and killed 50 million people around the world...

Sam: When he asked me at the map what I was looking for, I said I was trying to find the cave that had the saber-toothed tiger footprints...

Holly: We found him. He's in there.

Seale: Y'all are thinkin', "Yeah, we got this thing now." It's in the cave, waitin'. Well, maybe it's waiting for you... You think of that?

Yunis: I noticed you drop the conditional when you talk about it. ....
Ralph: Yep. Guess my sense of what's rational just got tired and left town.

Ralph: It's just the reality of this thing, it upends everything. It means everything we ever believed in, everything we've come to an understanding...
Alec: Hey, Ralph. Ralph.
Ralph: What? What? What?
Alec: You take small bites. You accept what you can to keep your shit together and nothing more, until you're ready for another bite. That's it.

Yunis: What if it can't be killed?.. Yeah, we're back to that again. Small bites, my ass.

--
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The Bad Hearer

Grace and Frankie 6×6

Joan-Margaret: Unfortunately, the words "privy," "loo," "commode," and "shitter" all tested better than the word "toilet."
Grace: Shitter beat toilet?!
Joan-Margaret: Not the way you say it. "Shitta" beat toilet.

Joan-Margaret: I'm afraid, ladies, we're sunk.
Grace: No, we're not. It's hard to market. It's a toilet. You know, if it was easy, every joker would be making one.

Grace: You had her test your date outfit?!
Frankie: Look, I've been texting and flirting with Jack for weeks. I've set the stage. But now I've got to go out and be Lady Gaga, because this guy is cool.
Grace: What do you mean? You're always the cool one in a relationship. You told me yourself.
Frankie: I tell you lots of things, Grace.

Nwabudike: Stop! Are tomatoes bad now? Let me check... "Are tomatoes bad now?" Oh, yes! They are. Wait. No, that's from 2014, hold on... Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, ad, scrolling. Okay, tomatoes are good to go.

Frankie: I'm not everybody.
Jack: No, you're not. I've never been on a date with someone who fills up on mints from the host stand.
Frankie: Why would they have them up at the entrance if they didn't want you to start with them?
Grace: Well, you know, the entrance is also the exit.
Frankie: You're blowing my mind right now.

Sol: Robert... the first rule of cancer club is, uh... well, have cancer.

Grace: So, I was up all night...
Frankie: Ooh, lucky Nick.
Grace: Huh? Oh. Oh, he's fine. No, I was working.

Grace: What if Jack's secret is something bad?
Frankie: Oh. How bad could it be?
Grace: What if he's a flat-earther? What if he's a dog kicker?
Frankie: No, I asked him point-blank if he kicked dogs.
Grace: What if he doesn't believe in aliens?
Frankie: Oh, you shut your mouth.

Frankie: There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women.

--
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Chalk One Up

Homeland 8×4

Tasneem Qureshi: They've reached an agreement, haven't they... the Americans? Without input from you or me, but they expect us to stand here and applaud the result.

Tasneem Qureshi: My prime minister got a call last night from the president of the United States, no less, threatening economic and travel sanctions if Pakistan doesn't get on board.
Abdul Qadir G'ulom: On board with what, exactly?

Carrie: I don't know what to say.
President Warner: You don't have to say anything. I'm just glad you're here to witness this thing that you helped set in motion, this ending of a war, the longest in our history. Kind of amazing.

President Warner: Before I left Washington, I had a phone call, a long phone call with Taliban leader Haissam Haqqani, and we spoke about how we can bring peace to this beautiful country. We have our differences still, but we agreed on two fundamental things: no terrorist group will ever find refuge in this country again, and the people of Afghanistan will be free to live the lives they all wanna live... man, woman, and child.

VP Ben Hayes: Jesus, I'm weeping all over my shoes. Look at him, grandpa in a flak jacket. It's all about winning a second term, isn't it?
David Wellington: It's about ending the war.

Abdul Qadir G'ulom: Our allies the Americans have treated us with their usual courtesy...

Abdul Qadir G'ulom: I thought you controlled Haqqani...
Tasneem Qureshi: I thought you controlled Kabul.

Saul: Holy fuck. Two presidents...

Samira Noori: What's that mean, "RTB"?
Carrie: Return to base immediately.
Samira Noori: Because of me?

--
On the IMDb

Sex Education #2.3

Eric: I can't believe you finally get a girlfriend and she's basically your sister. LOLs. LOLs.

Maeve: I hate birthdays.
Otis: No one hates birthdays, Maeve.
Maeve: Why celebrate the day I got pushed out of some random vagina against my will?

Aimee: It's basically like he sneezed on me or something.
Maeve: He came on you, Aimee!
Aimee: Cum is kind of like a penis having a sneeze.
Maeve: Ugh!
Aimee: That means when you swallow someone's cum, it's like eating their snot.

Maeve: Men are so weird...
Aimee: I think he's cute.
Maeve: Why do people always think old men are cute? How do you know he hasn't jizzed on someone on a bus before?
Aimee: I meant the lizard.

Otis: That's normal to feel observed and vulnerable when you're having sex. And he probably feels just as silly sometimes, too. We... we might think we look stupid or unappealing, but sex isn't always perfect and it should be about feeling good, not looking pretty. It's a privilege to see your partner like that.

Jackson: All right. "It is my lady, oh, it is my love, oh, that she knew she wor..."
Odesanya: Why are you reading it like it's a shopping list?
Jackson: Because it makes no sense.
Odesanya: It's poetry. Once you've got the rhythm, the words take on meaning. So, each line has ten syllables, made up of five heartbeats. Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom. You try.
Jackson: "Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief."
Odesanya: So you've got the rhythm and the words. Now you need the emotion... This speech is about love. So, try thinking of someone who makes you feel a lot when you say it.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtrack!

Are You a Spider, Matt?

Avenue 5 1×7

Matt Spencer: Space and luxury... a somewhat awkward marriage. But then, isn't every marriage? I know mine was!

Frank Kelly: I can see a face there, kind of. It's maybe... John Paul!
Spike Martin: Beatles or Getty?

Matt Spencer: Judd Very Light Beer. It hurts less on the way in than it does on the way out. It feels like you're peeing actual fire.

Ryan Clark: I treat handshakes the way I treat my job. I like pressure.
Harrison Ames: Yes. Well, pressure... creates diamonds.
Ryan Clark: Then consider this a 25-carat shake.

Harrison Ames: I think that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. And I've heard whalesong.

Rav Mulcair: This should all be on Judd! He's in charge. I was just following... Yes, yes, I know, but sometimes that is what people should do.

Rav Mulcair: Alan, could you possibly find me some coordinates as far away from Earth as possible? Fuck off there!

Matt Spencer: Are you into spiritual epiphany and poop? Then come down to deck five. It's like Woodstock down there. But Catholic!

Karen Kelly: I am not belittling it, honey. It just is little!

Ryan Clark: Are... What are you? Are you a spider, Matt?
Matt Spencer: Well, I admire their industry, and the fact that they play the long game. Hey, look at my abdominal ganglion!

Ryan Clark: Oh, god.
Iris Kimura: Problem?
Ryan Clark: No, just, just... relishing the cold embrace of an empty inbox.

---

Jordan Hatwal: So... How long exactly is it until everyone starts eating each other?
Billie McEvoy: No, we've got enough food for years, it's just we're out of flavorings.
Jordan Hatwal: So... we're gonna not eat each other, but use each other as seasoning.
Billie McEvoy: That was... quantifiably funny.

Billie McEvoy: I gotta go. But this has been...
Jordan Hatwal: Fun.
Billie McEvoy: Not fun, but... you know... It happened. Let's do it again.

Matt Spencer: Five hundred non-essential passengers are not going to be jettisoned out of the airlock. But, if they were, why are you essential?

Billie McEvoy: ...there are some extremely gifted candidates that can do it in four.
Ryan Clark: And these extremely gifted candidates, are they guys in their late 50s who can barely steer piss into a toilet bowl?

Ryan Clark: It's at the top of my agenda. It's actually above the word "agenda."

Ryan Clark: Harrison. How are your tomatoes?
Harrison Ames: Well, they're tomatoes. What can you say about tomatoes?

Iris Kimura: I think Ryan is boring him to death.
Herman Judd: Boring is bad. But to death... To death is good.

Ryan Clark: I could hug you, but neither one of us wants that.

Billie McEvoy: Well, let's just hope that you are really, really good with deadlines.
Ryan Clark: The only thing I hear there is "dead!"

--
On the IMDb

To the Bone (2017)

Ellen: There's no point in blaming everybody. Live with it.

Penny: You know that I love you like a full sister, but you look like absolute crap. And every time I ask you why you do this, I always get some stupid non-answer from you.

Ellen: I've got it under control. Nothing bad's gonna happen.
Penny: How many people do you think are down there? Like, two million? I bet a bunch of them who are about to die just said the exact same thing.

Dr. Beckham: If I'm going to help you, you have to agree to a few things... No talk about food. I'm not interested. It's boring and not very helpful.

Ellen: Bet you didn't expect this much "gynergy" today.
Dr. Beckham: I do think this is a record number of mothers for one patient.

Ellen: I'm sorry... that I'm not a person anymore. I'm a problem. And it's all my fault.
Dr. Beckham: Fuck fault! Fault and blame have no place here. Only how you wanna live, moving forward. Who you wanna be.

Penny: If you die... I will kill you.

Ellen: I... I can't.
Luke: You can. Chew, swallow. The world will not implode, I swear.

Megan: Tell me it's not the Holocaust Museum. My mother took me there to make me feel shitty, you know, about starving... It's okay. We're Jewish.

Lobo: Damn, Dr. Beck. Are you trying to turn me straight?
Dr. Beckham: That's a different program.

Megan: I don't like this. I'm definitely getting a Holocaust vibe, doc.

Dr. Beckham: Somebody tell me why we're here!
Luke: .... Because we're alive.

---

Eli: I know what you're trying to do. Life's beautiful and all that... shit.
Dr. Beckham: And that upsets you because...?
Eli: Because it is. I mean, I... I know it can be, but I... I can't stop. And I don't even know why. I just... I just can't.

Eli: People say they love you... but what they mean is, they love how loving you makes them feel about themselves. Or... Or they love what they can take from you.

Dr. Beckham: Listen. Bad things are going to happen. That's not negotiable. What is, is how you deal with it.

Dr. Beckham: There is no point. Or at least, big picture, we don't get to know what it is. Why we live, ... why that girl killed herself.
Eli: You're not reassuring me, doctor.
Dr. Beckham: I can't reassure you. This idea you have that there's a way to be safe... it's childish and cowardly. It stops you from experiencing anything, including anything good.
Eli: You don't think I feel bad enough already? I know I'm messed up... but you're supposed to teach me how not to be.
Dr. Beckham: You know how. Stop waiting for life to be easy. Stop hoping for somebody to save you. You don't need another person lying to you. Things don't all add up. But you're resilient. Face some hard facts and you could have an incredible life.
Eli: That's your pearl of wisdom? Grow a pair?
Dr. Beckham: That's a more concise way of putting it. Yeah.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Stalker

The Walking Dead 10×10

Rosita: You're gonna work very hard in this room. You're gonna have to convince us that you're different from the ones who lie and walk with the dead and eat worms.
Mary: And what if I can't?
Rosita: Then you die. No torture. No games. No second chances.

Mary: Ask God if I'm lying.
Gabriel: I've spoken to God. He told me to hang you.

Gabriel: They're cowards. We broke her. Completely. And if we can break her, we can break others. If you come across one of them, keep them alive, start pulling teeth and taking fingers. Get information, because we now know the more pain and fear you pour over them, the sooner they drop the act, which is what it is!

Mary: ... and then we met Alpha.
Judith: You met the wrong person first. If you'd met my mom or my dad, you wouldn't be in that cell.

Beta: You will fall. You will rise. You will walk with your sister again.

Alpha: Can you see beyond the darkness into the light?
Daryl: No.

Daryl: Did you kill her?
Lydia: If it was your father, could you have?

Alpha: We are free. We love no one. We are free. We fear nothing. We are free. This is the end of the world. Now is the end of the world. We are the end of the world.

--
+ Quotes on the Quotes on the IMDb

We Were Having Such a Nice Day

You're the Worst 5×12

Gretchen: Holy shit! All of it?
Jimmy: And with 24 hours to go.

Gretchen: You have given me a gift no one has before... Acceptance. Unconditional acceptance.

Gretchen: Before you put on your pants, where's your favorite place to go?
Lindsay: Nowhere.
Gretchen: That's where we're going.

Edgar: This first stop represents a dream from your past. Something you used to talk about but never got to do... Sochi 2014. You wouldn't stop talking about curling. Jimmy: No sport more misunderstood. No players more understandably hair-trigger defensive than those of curling.

Gretchen: Mommy, I'm marrying Jimmy, not Boone.

Mrs. Cutler: I know you're marrying Jimmy. I'm not a complete idiot.
Gretchen: Oh. Then why are you here?
Mrs. Cutler: Our daughter is getting married. We've had front row seats to all your mistakes, so why stop now?

Edgar: Okay, for our second stop, Jimmy, .... it's your past again, but this one is bad. It's all the anger and stress and anxiety you've held onto, and it is time to let it out... It's a smash room!

Jimmy: Dial-ins! Sheila! Studio system! Signature cocktails! Vendors! Caterers! Depression! AAAAA!!!

Becca: I'm not ruining his baby. I can't help it if the baby craves unpasteurized cheese.
Paul: And sushi?
Becca: I didn't eat sushi. It was sashimi. Rice goes straight to my hips.
Vernon: Chillax, dorkus. It's good to challenge babies' immune systems. That's how you make an X-Men.

Paul: Please. Just tell me how much.
Becca: Paul, you can't put a price on a mother's love.
Vernon: But if you want to put a price on a mother's love, - low mid-to-mid six figs all in.

---

Vernon: Babies are the real trip. All kinds of new experiences. The nonstop screaming, clipping them tiny fingie nails, not being able to run out right quick to see the new Minions movie 'cause some little dummy might roll over onto her face and die.

Mrs. Cutler: Everyone's fine. Life is good, Gretchen. I don't know why you have to make it so difficult for yourself.
Gretchen: I don't make it difficult. It is difficult. To be honest, it feels like...
Mrs. Cutler: No one wants to hear these things. If you insist on sharing them, you'll just push everyone away.

Edgar: Last stop on the train..... That's the point of this day. You still think of yourself as lowly, poor, undeserving on the outside, but, Jimmy... you belong now.

Becca: Carve out sauvignon blanc in the third trimester, and you can do whatever you want with my placenta.

Mrs. Cutler: You know, I see young people, daughters of my friends struggling with the question of having children, and I just want to tell them, "Don't. It's not worth it..." I'm serious. What pleasure is it?

Mrs. Cutler: You don't like me. Your brother's a child. You wanted real. Whatever you think of me, it's my job to want more for you than you want for yourself. But if you need someone who doesn't push you and embraces your flaws, I'm glad you found Jimmy.

Jimmy: You know, it is both infuriating and humbling how thoughtful of a friend you are. You've seen me at my worst, and yet... you've always seen my worth.

Edgar: You love each other, but that's not the same thing as being good for each other.

Edgar: You'll destroy each other.
Jimmy: There is no way I'd rather go.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtrack

Clouds

This Is Us 4×15

Kevin: Two As, baby!
Rebecca: What?
Randall: Yeah, in P.E. and art. The rest are Cs and two Ds.
Jack: "Disruptive in class". "Arrives late". "Needs to be center of attention"? Kevin.
Kevin: Two As are two As. Mom said I'd get five dollars for every "A".
Randall: Bet you five bucks you don't know what that adds up to.
Kevin: I'm gonna buy an entire box of baseball cards with my winnings!
Randall: Yeah, well, I'm gonna contest my grade. That'll be an "A" by next week.

Randall: We agreed: no iPhones until junior high.
Beth: I know. But, you know, she's so cute when she begs...

Toby: I'm sorry, I know that we're kind of in the middle of a thing right now, but permission to react?
Kate: Yeah.
Toby: What?!

Rebecca: I'm good. I'm a little anxious about today, I'm not gonna lie, but it's funny, somehow all of this bad news has sort of... freed me up. Carpe diem and all that.

Dr. Leigh: So, what brings you here today?
Randall: It's kind of a long story. You got an hour?

Madison: Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking. Other than I have never seen anyone so hot and so vulnerable at the same time. My brain just shorted. I mean, I know he's your brother, but... my God! I am so sorry.

Madison: Is it that CrossFit bitch? I'll kill her. Is it Toby? I'll kill him. You just say the word, I will "Kill Bill" all of them and help you raise that child myself.

Rebecca: Isn't that rude to just show up unannounced?
Kevin: It's not fair, but being a celebrity is like having a Fast Pass to pretty much everything you want to do in life.

Jack: It's not about grades, Randall. Exercise is about getting blood moving through your whole body. Okay? Now, I want you to run until that worried feeling in the pit of your stomach goes away.
Randall: I really don't like running.
Jack: Yeah. How about racing? Huh? Come on. You and me, once around the track.

Jack: Hey, just do me a favor? Try and make it interesting.

---

Kate: And now I don't even know if he's being sincere or if he's just telling me what I want to hear.
Madison: Could it be both? I mean... trust me, I will take whatever position you take right now. But is it possible he just took what you said to heart?

Madison: What you and Toby have, what I dream of finding, is that intimacy. It's letting people see the worst part of you without... being scared. And I am just gonna say this and duck. But shouldn't Toby be able to express his deepest fears without punishment? Isn't that what marriage is?

Madison: Can I just tell you one thing your brother did to me?
Kate: No!
Madison: I was literally upside-down at one point—
Kate: Madison!!
Madison: Just use your imagination.

Kevin: Are you scared?
Rebecca: A little. But I'm not even thinking about any of that right now 'cause I am... I'm right here with you.

Dr. Leigh: Do you want to talk about why that's bothering you?

Jack: Hey, do you know how, some Saturdays, when I make waffles, you guys see me toss the first one out? That's because the waffle iron is too hot, or maybe it's not hot enough, or, you know, I made the batter too thick. First boyfriends are kind of like first waffles. Okay? You-you got to... get through a few before you get it right.

Rebecca: I don't... I don't want to go. 'Cause I don't want today to end.
Kevin: Today's gonna end no matter what. But there's tomorrow. There's tomorrow, and I will be here, and we will do something else. I promise.

Randall: If you think I'm having some kind of revelation right now, I'm not. Which is why this is a waste of time! I know my faults. I know what triggers me. But I think my faults are good faults, and I would rather have them than to not have them. And I know you think I'm spiraling right now. I've seen the shows. I know the drill. But, hey, if it wasn't for me, this whole family would have fallen apart.
Dr. Leigh: Would they?

Randall: And, uh, due respect, how am I supposed to take mental health advice from someone who doesn't throw out magazines from 2017? From someone who doesn't refill cups at the water cooler? From someone who put... It's not that hard, Doc. Just turn it off when you're done.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtrack

50% Off

Better Call Saul 5×2

Jimmy: Nonviolent felonies, 50% off.

Saul Goodman: How about, uh, special discounts? Um, for the next, uh, two weeks, um, non-violent felonies 50% off...

Narc-1: 50% off...
Narc-2: Dude, that's almost half!

— 50% off!

Nacho: I get it. Just tell me what you want me to do.

Jimmy: Saul Goodman, speedy justice for you.

Jimmy: Hey, you're doin' great. I'm gonna be doin' great. I got 45 clients—
Kim: 45? How are you gonna handle all that?
Jimmy: I got a system.

---

Jimmy: And don't worry. I know these people. They're not gonna do anything 'cause of some stupid discount...

Jimmy: Into every life a little rain must fall.

Jimmy: Life's rich pageant. Who are we to judge?

Howard: So... Saul Goodman?
Jimmy: Yeah. That's me.

Jimmy: My clients need answers... Look, hey, you've got a problem with me? That's fine. Don't take it out on my clients.

Jimmy: Uh, uh, Suzanne, I'm outraged.

Jimmy: Mm. 20 minutes... Pleasure doing business with ya.

--
On the IMDb
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Magic Man

Better Call Saul 5×1

Jeff: Hey! It is you. I thought it was you. I wasn't all the way sure, but now that I'm seeing you up close... Sure. It's you.

Jeff: I just want to say hi. I'm a big fan. Y'know, back in the day, when I lived in Albuquerque with my ex, I used to see you everywhere. You were on the billboards, on the TV. I used to have one of your matchbooks...

Jeff: Come on, man. That's not cool. I know who you are. You know who you are. Let's just get past that.

Jeff: Come on. Come on, man. Say. It.
Jimmy: .... "Better Call Saul".

Ed: Best Quality Vacuum. How may I help you?
Jimmy: Yeah. I need an adapter for a Hoover MaxExtract Pressure-Pro, model 60.
Ed: Aha. We've delivered to you before, haven't we?

Jimmy: I've changed my mind... I'm gonna fix it myself.

Kim: You're gonna call yourself "Saul Goodman"?

Jimmy: Jimmy... "Saul Goodman" McGill. Thank you, honey.

Lalo: Werner Ziegler. Werner Ziegler. Ziegler... You know how many Werner Zieglers there are in Germany? 27. 26 now, according to Mrs. Ziegler.

Kim: You deserve it. But, uh... "JMM". Sorry about that. I didn't know. I got it for Jimmy McGill.
Jimmy: Yeah, well, Jimmy loves it. And don't worry. I'm using it. If, uh, anybody says anything, I'll just say JMM is my motto.
Kim: Your motto?
Jimmy: Yeah. "Justice... Matters Most".

Jimmy: I've still got almost a full pallet of cellphones left, so why not run a promotion? I-I'll make a real event out of it. I'll... I'll give 'em away, okay? And, uh, for added sweetener... limited time only... um, non-violent felonies, 50% off. You know, it's like, uh, commit four felonies, you get the fifth one free. And there'll be friends and family, too, so you can share 'em around. ....
Kim: Doesn't that sound like you're encouraging these people to commit crimes?
Jimmy: They don't need encouragement. Believe me...

Jimmy: Kim, you don't know these assholes like I do. Rain or shine, these morons will be out there doing stupid shit and getting arrested for it. Little discount won't make a bit of difference.

Kim: Don't you think you're selling yourself short? ... Why... Why this?
Jimmy: It's perfect. They already know me. I know them. What's not to love?

---

Jimmy: I can't go back to being Jimmy McGill. Jimmy McGill the lawyer is always gonna be Chuck McGill's loser brother. I'm done with that. That name is burned. This is a fresh start. This is how I move forward.

Saul Goodman: See right there, circled in red? It's preprogrammed, ready to go. Number 1 on the speed dial goes directly to me. You press that, and... poof!... I'm there.

Saul Goodman: Go ask Huell about me. He was facing three years... He was facing six years... Eight years down in Guadalupe... He was facing... 25 years. Didn't do a single day. That's why he calls me the "magic man". I asked him not to call me that, but he insists.

Saul Goodman: Number 1 on the speed dial... that's your lifeline.

Saul Goodman: Cops pick you up. They threaten you. They look at you sideways. You press that button, and I'm there.

Saul Goodman: Press number 1. Zip your lip and press the button. And keep your mouth shut. Press number 1.

Saul Goodman: Keep it charged. Poof!

Saul Goodman: Press the button... Speedy justice... and, boom, your friend Saul is there. I got your back 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Press number 1.

Saul Goodman: Press number 1. And... poof!... Saul Goodman is there.

Saul Goodman: You know what? At least take a card. You meet the law, you want the law to meet me.

Huell: Well-done, magic man.
Jimmy: We're just getting started.

Saul Goodman: I'm Saul Goodman, and Carl Gravenhorst is 100% innocent...

--
On the IMDb
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Judy (2019)

Louis B. Mayer: I make movies, Judy, but it's your job to give those people dreams.

Louis B. Mayer: In every one of those towns, believe me, there's a girl who's prettier than you. Maybe their nose is a little thinner at the bridge. They have better teeth than you. Or they're taller or they're slimmer. Only, you have something none of those pretty girls can ever have. You know what that is?... You have that voice. It'll maybe take you to Oz, someplace none of those pretty girls can ever go.

Louis B. Mayer: The thing is, those other girls will grow up to be cashiers and farmers' wives and elementary school teachers. And they'll see their skins roughed up through housework. Is that what you want, Judy? To be just a housewife? To be just a mother? Out there, you'd have to put away that voice of yours. Forget it exists. But here, with us... with your family... that voice will make you a million dollars before you're 20.

Louis B. Mayer: Those average kids, they're all loved, in their way. I can see how you may be drawn to it, from time to time... Their small lives, not too dangerous, not too exciting. They're where they belong. And maybe you feel like you're like them. But really, you're not. You live in another world entirely. They just look like you. But if you truly wanna go join them, it's your decision. We'll shake hands and you can walk through our gates. I guarantee it's all there, the rest of America, just waiting to swallow you up and forget all about you. Like a raindrop falling into the Pacific. Who cares? Who even notices?

Mickey Deans: It's fun. People drink more 'cause they wanna be part of the next new thing, you know.
Judy Garland: I don't know.
Mickey Deans: You have to have ambitions, right?
Judy Garland: Well, I used to have them. I found they gave me the most terrible headache.

Judy Garland: Are you a nurse or what?
Vivian: Yeah, if you like.

Judy Garland: You know, the first time I sang on a stage, I was all of two years old. They say my papa had to come and drag me off after I started singing the same song for the fifth time.

---

Mickey Deans: So let's go shopping, baby.
Judy Garland: Hmm?
Mickey Deans: Get you dolled up.
Judy Garland: I don't know...
Mickey Deans: Oh, come on. A woman's gotta wear something. Or not, right?

Judy Garland: If I'm this terrible mother they like to write about, well, you tell me how I end up with such incredible kids.
But I wasn't suggesting...
Judy Garland: Well, no, everybody suggests things, like, like I'm not a real person, but I am, you understand? I'm only Judy Garland for an hour a night. The rest of the time, I'm part of a family. I just want what everybody wants. I seem to have a harder time getting it.

Young Judy: I had a swim.
Louis B. Mayer: How was the water?
Young Judy: Cold.

Young Judy: I did 18 hours yesterday! I mean, I couldn't hardly remember my own name.
Louis B. Mayer: Your name is Frances Gumm. You're a fat-ankled, snag-toothed rube from Grand Rapids. Your father was a faggot and your mother only cares about what I think of you. Now do you remember who you are, Judy?

Dr. Hargreaves: Look, do you take anything for depression?
Judy Garland: Four husbands. Didn't work.

Mickey Deans: Sweetheart, I already said I love you nine times today.
Judy Garland: Well, maybe I need 10 or 12 once an hour, like a cuckoo clock. Cuckoo! I love you!

Judy Garland: What is that you do, anyway, Mickey?... You're just like all the other ones. You sit on the sidelines and you watch the show, and you think that's making things happen. You think that's working. What have you ever done that would make anybody wanna listen to you?

Judy Garland: Oh, no, no. Maybe one of you should do it. Every time I cut a cake, I find I've married some jerk.

Bernard Delfont: What on earth is she doing?
I don't think she can help it.

Judy Garland: This next one, it isn't a song about getting anywhere. It's about walking toward somewhere that you've dreamed of. And maybe... Maybe the walk... is every day of your life... And the walking has to be enough. It's about hope. And we all need that.

Judy Garland: I love you all. You won't forget me, will you? Promise you won't.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Misdirection

Inside No. 9 5×4

Neville: This is Vegas level! It's a game-changer!
Willy: Look, Neville...is it? I'm very flattered you took an interest in my little trick. You're clearly a passionate student of the magic arts, but I'm happy doing my balloon animals and making my grandson smile at his birthday party.

Willy: Cheers.

Neville: Houdini didn't have Twitter.

Gabriel: And nobody else knows how it's done?
Neville: Not another living soul.

Neville: In this community, the theft of an idea is worse than murder.

Neville: ... When he recovered, the old man had disappeared, leaving only this box, which contained these cards and an inscription, "Sie konnen den Tod nicht betrugen."
Gabriel: What does that mean?
Neville: You can't cheat death.

Neville: You can't patent a magic trick. Well, you can, but then it becomes a matter of public record, and no magician is ever going to want that. Exposure, that's...worse than stealing.

--
On the IMDb

Sex Education #2.2

Eric: Why is Angel Man staring at me like he's plotting my death?
Otis: I don't know.
Eric: French people are intense.

Jean: My name is Dr. Milburn, and I'm here to start an open conversation about S-E-X.
Mr. Hendricks: Uh, sex.
Jean: We adults know that some of you are having sex because when we were your age, some of us were having sex. In fact, many of us still have sex... I'm sure even Headmaster Groff sometimes has sex.

Lily: Just tell him what you want.
Ola: I think it'll freak him out.
Lily: Human boys are so fragile.

Ola: It was really, really bad. He was moving his fingers like he was dialing a 1920s telephone, but really fast, with no rhythm. And then he was kind of, like, jabbing at the same time. And then he kept looking at the clock on his wall like he was timing himself or something.

Otis: It's about making an effort to take little steps to meet her halfway.

Rahim: Only boring people get bored.

Ruthie: Look... there's no magic technique that works with all women. Every orange is different, but you shouldn't be asking me, you should be asking your girlfriend.

Adam: They wanted to get me expelled because they're... poofs. Sir.
Sergeant Morris: Yes. Quite a lot of us are poofs in this institution. But some things are better left unacknowledged...

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
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Foxhead

The Outsider 1x8

Yunis Sablo: ...in Tennessee, town called Cecil, near Chattanooga.
Alec Pelley: Yeah, I've been there. It's a diner, two bars, and a bunch of caves, not much else.

Seale: Peach Crease... Damn, I could never quit a job like that.
Claude: Well, as the saying goes, if God truly hates your guts, then he grants your deepest wish.

Jeannie: Don't go.
Ralph: Why not? Wh... What?
Jeannie: Because you're blind. You don't really believe in this thing, which means you're not capable of seeing it for what it really is. Could you imagine going into a battle with your eyes shut?
Ralph: J, there's not gonna be a battle.
Jeannie: There will be.

Holly: Please don't tell me.
Ralph: Yeah. Became a warehouse clerk in the Aleutian Islands. You know, up there in the ass-end of Alaska. "Could've swam to Russia in an hour and back," is what he used to say.

Ralph: Let's just say that you sold me on this El Cuco thing of yours, right? What does it want?
Holly: It wants what every organism wants. It wants to perpetuate its own existence, it wants to survive. At all costs.

Holly: It's not a criminal. It's not even human.
Ralph: ... I knew you were gonna say that.

Yunis Sablo: I'm assuming you're aware of some of her... gifts.
Andy Katcavage: Yeah, she put on a show or two.
Yunis Sablo: Did you know that she can walk into a room full of people... and pick out the ones that are gonna die soon?... I'm serious, man. I've seen her do it. When she's reading you and she senses your time is nigh, at first, she can't take her eyes off you, then she can't bear to look at you... Same thing with her hands, at first, she's reaching out for you, and then, she pulls away immediately as if you were radioactive. She hasn't behaved like that with you, has she?....

'Claude': I need to eat.

---

Sam: Do you know where the Sabertooth Cave is?
Volunteer: Well, I'll tell you, there's over a hundred caves around here, so the best I can say is "somewhere." Have fun.

Holly: Um... I know what I just told you might sound a little insane.
Claude: Insane don't even come close.

Holly: If you can't get yourself to really believe in this thing, then you're not only an obstacle, but you're a danger to everyone else.
Ralph: I don't respond to ultimatums... You need to step off. Let me come at it at my own pace. Which is what I've been trying to do. ....
Holly: Try harder. Come to it faster. Please.

Holly: Ehh.
Seale: You don't like puzzles?
Holly: I don't like elephants.

Seale: Shit, man, it's just weed. Practically in the damn Bible.
Ralph: Oh, yeah?
Seale: Oh, hell yeah! When they discovered King Solomon's burial chambers, guess what they found on his night table.

Howard: Jesus Christ. Hey. What? You too cheap to spring for a room?.. I swear to God, I never met a cop who didn't hate a nickel because it wasn't a dime. That's amazing... Fuckin' cops.

Seale: Whatever you're here for, I didn't do shit.

Holly: He's here.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

The Ottoman Lieutenant (2017)

Lillie: I thought I was going to change the world. But, of course, it was the world that changed me...

Lillie: It's like being inside God's thoughts...

Ismail: Actually, Miss Rowe, it's I who should be thanking you. This is a great opportunity to put aside my military career and help you drag your boxes and your ridiculous truck to the edge of nowhere.

Woodruff: I don't know your approach... to medicine, Miss Rowe. Possibly you overflow with the nobility of relieving human suffering. You know my approach?... It's a game. A bloody game. In which we pit our puny brains and skills against the forces of destruction and disease and lose. We are drowning in death. I don't expect you to understand... But you will.

Ismail: I'm a Muslim and you're a Christian. We share so little.
Lillie: Were Adam and Eve Muslim? Or were they Christian?
Ismail: They were neither.
Lillie: But they shared the same God.

Lillie: How do you say "kiss" in Turkish?
Ismail: ... Buse.
Lillie: Buse, then.

Colonel Khalil: You Americans and Europeans, whether you come here to help or to fight or to make a profit, you'll never be anything but insignificant. We don't pretend to be anything else. When your countries were still swamp and forests, culture had already lit up our lands for thousands of years. And when you're nothing but history, collapsed into darkness like Rome, like Greece, we'll still be here.

Ismail: Please, just be with me.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Was It Your Ears?

Avenue 5 1×6

Karen Kelly: Two options. One, murder. And two, and I know I keep looping back to this... murder.

Herman Judd: Vacuum extraction! My idea! We're gonna suck a person out of this person!

Ryan Clark: Presumably, it's a warning of some kind.
Billie McEvoy: Well, yes, you don't usually have a recurring beep to tell you everything's going just fine.

Herman Judd: Man, they really love that baby, huh?
Matt Spencer: Yeah, babies are like New Zealanders. Everyone loves them and the funny way they talk.

Ryan Clark: The running out of air, is it as bad as they say? Or not as bad?
Billie McEvoy: Yeah, it's bad. I mean, like, first you get, like, a grittiness in your eyes, then your tongue is literally gonna boil in your mouth before you just pass out and you just never wake up again.
Spike Martin: Don't forget the organ failure.
Ryan Clark: Oh, I almost forgot the organ failure.

Ryan Clark: Iris, you should prepare to enjoy your last moments of happiness, because we think we may have an oxygen leak.

Ryan Clark: Do we have enough to get home?
Spike Martin: It depends. Vigorous activity would drain this turkey in no time. I'm talking exercise, singing, lovemaking, if you're doing it right...

Matt Spencer: I think it's about what your inner voice is telling you about yourself.
Herman Judd: What is it saying? The one I'm using now?
Matt Spencer: No, the voice inside your head.
Herman Judd: Oh, no, my thoughts connect instantaneously with my mouth. It's extremely efficient. Clinically, it's probably very unique.

Herman Judd: Good morning and so forth. Mm-hmm.
Iris Kimura: Oh, Mr. Judd...
Herman Judd: Great. Shall we begin this meeting forthwith heretofore, please?

Herman Judd: Mm-mm. I never say sorry. Like my hero, Gandhi.

Herman Judd: So, I have figured out a way to re-perceive the turd sleeve around this ship. Three words: theatrical lighting rig.
Ryan Clark: And here's five: what, what, and why? Uh... No, that's four. Fuck, I'm so tired. Jesus.

Karen Kelly: ...bearing in mind the scarcity of resources, can we try to keep lang' at an abs' min'?
Iris Kimura: Wh... What are you saying?
Karen Kelly: I am trying to conserve oxygen by... 'bridging my w'rds.
Iris Kimura: Well, it's highly, highly confusing.
Karen Kelly: You see, you did not need the second "highly," one would've s'ff'c'd. Would... Sufficed.
Ryan Clark: Jesus frazzling Christ! Can we skip the missing letters round?
Herman Judd: I've just reconsidered your earlier point, re: an apology. S'ry.

Mia: Question: are we really running out of air? Supplemental: what the fuck?
Herman Judd: Yes! To your first question. I don't know how to answer your second question.

Ryan Clark: Well, we could double the dose? He might have a stroke, then you'll only be physically wiping his ass.

Karen Kelly: Now, honey, I have an update for you, and I don't want you to go all flappy on me... The ship is leaking oxygen. From what I understand, it will be like drowning with dirt in your mouth and a tractor on your chest.

Karen Kelly: So don't talk. Because then you will last marginally longer. Attaboy.

---

Ryan Clark: I actually want lots and lots and lots of sedatives.
Matt Spencer: Look, my area of expertise is pretty limited. It's basically recreational barbiturates, Eastern sex practices, Christmas music.

Matt Spencer: I do know suffering, and you're suffering. So I just need a little bit more information to make sure I'm not causing more harm than I'm fixing.
Ryan Clark: I was bullied at school.
Matt Spencer: Was it your ears?
Ryan Clark: What? No! What do you mean? What's wrong with my ears?
Matt Spencer: Nothing. But that is what I would go in on, if I was bullying you. I'd make you self-conscious about something that isn't even a thing because it makes you question your sanity. Ain't that right, you jar-eared Dumbo fuck?!

Ryan Clark: Take two of these, it's like you've died and gone to the opera.
Billie McEvoy: All right, so give me one because I'm so tired that my hair hurts me.

Herman Judd: We will plug this leak. But until we do, you must remain breathing steadily to minimize all oxygen usage. And cut out all unnecessary conversation. No sighing, no gasping, no unnecessary sneezing, no flouncing. If you have to be passive aggressive, do it only with your eyes. Relax... But do remain breathing calmly. That is now a legal requirement. Thanks, gang.

Spike Martin: No, no, no, wait. This is recorded. That's... that's not the actual beep. That's the actual beep.

Jordan Hatwal: Okay, I'm gonna tell a joke now. The setup is that there are three men of three different nationalities. I won't tell you which nationalities, 'cause otherwise you might find it amusing. The punchline is that one of the men in the joke is considerably more parsimonious than the other two men in the joke. Thus concludes the joke.

Ryan Clark: You have to think before you speak. And then, think again. And then think, "I shouldn't speak." And then, don't speak.

Herman Judd: And... light 'em up!

Billie McEvoy: It is beautiful... Until you really think about it.
Ryan Clark: Who knew shit could be so enchanting?...
Herman Judd: Me. I did. I knew.
Matt Spencer: He's transformed the most disgusting thing imaginable into a kaleidoscope of butt truffles!
Ryan Clark: Well, you gotta say, he knows his audience.

Ryan Clark: Okay, it's over. The nightmare is over. This... this part of the nightmare is over.

Matt Spencer: Congratulations. Why don't you give yourself a little pat on the back, or the ass? Give your ass a little squeeze, and then... go make love to yourself in a sleazy motel. You earned it.
Herman Judd: You're really fucking weird, dude.

Matt Spencer: Your ears are beautiful. To me.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Four Goddamn More Days

You're the Worst 5×11

Jimmy: Mi-might I remind you that your first wedding is but five days away, and we still need to choose the font for the name cards and pick a punny name for our signature cocktail.
Gretchen: And we're totally gonna do all that bullshit, but again, supes swamped at wiz-erk.

Gretchen: I'll tell him after. Divorce is so much paperwork. He'll never get around to that shit.

Jimmy: I've done it. I bested my depression. Gretchen, I gazed into the eye of the great void and I said, "Nay, you shan't take me today, void."

Jimmy: I can't believe we're getting married in four days!
Gretchen: Same!

Lindsay: Okay, you're right, maybe I am trying hard but that's because I love you so quit the bullshit and tell me you love me back or I'll stab you, you fucking cunt!

Gretchen: Four days, Lindsay! You couldn't hold on for four goddamn more days?

Gretchen: I was really trying at work. And I still blew it. Even when I try, I fail. I always fail.

Jimmy: Our wedding is gonna be amazing...

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtrack