You've Changed, Man

The Good Place 4×10

Chapter 49

Judge: Look, I'm the freaking Judge, and I made a freaking ruling, and it's gonna freaking happen, soon as I find the freaking clicker thing.

Judge: Any last words?
Janet: These are my last words. End of words.

Eleanor: You seem oddly sure, which is unlike you, but... it's kind of doing it for me...
Chidi: Well, when you have a thousand different versions of yourself over multiple timelines fused and instantly placed into your consciousness, it gives you a real sense of clarity.

Chidi: Okay, let's save humanity, shall we?

Chidi: If we going out, I'm going out with a belly full of warm pretzels. Yummy, yum, yum. Yummy!

Chidi: So, in this essay, "Putting Cruelty First," Judith Shklar contends that we should consider cruelty as society's primary flaw...

Chidi: This is the problem with the current system. Live anything less than the most exemplary life, and you are brutally tortured forever with no recourse. The cruelty of the punishment does not match the cruelty of the life that one has lived.

Jason: This is a classic trolley problem. One of your boys sets off a stink bomb on the trolley, causing a commotion so the rest of the group can pickpocket people as they run off the train.
Chidi: That's very wrong, but... in a roundabout way, you kind of got where you needed to be.

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Shawn: How about this? Everyone who dies go to the Bad Place... and I get to torture all of you.
Nina: Sounds good to us!
Eleanor: No, dummies. That's already how it works, except we're also tortured.
Shawn: Look, I put forward a proposal. Are you not even going to negotiate?
Chuck: He's got a point. The fair thing for us to do is just keep on giving up more and more stuff we want unilaterally until this demon's finally happy.

Michael: Fork this!

Judge: You made me an Olyphant?!

Janet: When I started in Michael's first Neighborhood, I was nothing more than a PalmPilot in a cool vest. But look at me now...

Janet: Getting rebooted over and over made me a better not-a-person than I've ever been. Humans should get the same opportunity.

Shawn: Okay, fine. Gonna make me admit it. Fighting you is the most fun I've ever had.

Shawn: I mean, you know. You corkscrew your first eyeball, and you're like, man, I can't believe they're paying me to do this. By the trillionth, it's like... I should've just been a teacher.

Judge: Are you kidding me?! Can't a gal just end all of humanity one time without everyone getting all up on her junk? What is it, man?!

Judge: Okay, well, assuming we are redesigning the entire afterlife according to this plan... what do we do first?....
Chidi: Oh, don't look at me. I'm... I'm just the idea guy.

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