The Pin in My Grenade

You're the Worst 5×2

Gretchen: I think I follow too many porn sites...

Jimmy: You see, I didn't try to fix your problem, I just empathized, like you taught me, like a girl.
Gretchen: I appreciate that. I feel very heard.

Lindsay: August 7... think about it: midpoint of summer, clear of any holidays. 9/11 is just around the corner.
Gretchen: Isn't August 7 your birthday?
Lindsay: I know it's Charlize Theron's... Huh! Weird, it's mine, too.

Jimmy: Look, we're getting married, we're just not having a wedding.

Gretchen: I have had my eye on this office for years, so I took advantage of the current cultural climate and enacted some personal reparations on behalf of women everywhere.
Lindsay: You "Me Too-ed" a dude for his office?

Lindsay: A bathroom in an office? It's like Inception for pooping.

Lindsay: I just wanted to tell you marriage is hard. Your wedding day is the one day it's fun. Seriously, it's all downhill after the wedding. That's just gravity. You're gonna go against gravity?

Gretchen: Eloping is fine because the point is being hitched, not getting hitched...

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Lindsay: Oh, buddy. Oh, sweet, sweet buddy. Oh, sweet, sweet, sweet...
Edgar: What?!
Lindsay: Edgar, Jimmy is smart. And you're, well, Edgar.

Lindsay: The reason you think someone else is the dumb one of the group is because that's what the dumb one's supposed to think to protect them,

Edgar: I'm not the dumb one, you're the dumb one.

Gretchen: Yeah, I got 15 minutes. Let's do this, toilet...

Jimmy: If you truly knew us, you would understand the heterodox iconoclastic nature of a spontaneous elopement perfectly captures the renegade tale of our amorous union.

Gretchen: Omakase?

Jimmy: ..... And then a tasteful fireworks display over the ocean, scored to Mahler's Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen, would bring to a close the greatest wedding in the history of matrimony. Resetting the very bar to which all couples aspire. As espoused by Will Smith as Alex "Hitch" Hitchens in Hitch, "Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away."

Gretchen: How do I look?
Lindsay: Like Mickey Rourke was stung by bees.

Gretchen: I just can't sit down right now. I missed the wedding 'cause I was banging my new toilet... It's a long story. Actually, it's not. I just said the whole thing.

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