One Crew Over the Crewcoo's Morty

Rick and Morty 4x3

Morty: Goddammit, an alien spider just bit my finger!
Rick: It's an alien cliff. You can just say spider.

Rick: Total waste of snakes.

Rick: Don't get drawn into the culture, Morty. Stealing stuff is about the stuff, not the stealing.

Rick: Guests are fans, Morty, which we are not. We'd like professional badges.
Entrance Lady: Do you have a crew?
Rick: Yes. He's a getaway driver with Asperger's, and my butthole is a demolitions expert. How much is it to get in?

Rick: It's showtime, Morty, and I don't mean a bad impression of HBO. I mean, "Time for a show."

Rick: Your boos mean nothing! I've seen what makes you cheer!

Miles Knightley: Another heist question from a fan?
Rick: Uh, how about a rhetorical one from someone that had to be reminded that you exist?... My question is, "Seriously?"

Miles Knightley: I challenge you to a heist of the crystal skull of Horowitz. In a heist off!
Rick: That doesn't make things interesting. It makes them "Ocean's Twelve," by far the worst one.

Rick: Every breath I take without your permission raises my self-esteem!

Rick: Heistotron, state your prime directive?
Heistotron: To heist.
Rick: Calculate Miles Knightley's current heist plan and add one double-cross with a switcheroo.

Rick: If we don't stop them, all sentient life will be absorbed by the never-ending assembly of a meaningless crew. That's my hell, Morty. I hate heists so much, and the crew assemblies are the worst part!
Morty: Oh! How are we gonna stop it?
Rick: With a little help from some old friends.

Mr. Poopybutthole: You sons of bitches. What's the job?

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Hephaestus: I work in a volcano. What jobs do you think I've ever turned down?

Rick: Instead of two heist movies I slept through, Randotron's algorithm is derived from the plots of three David Lynch movies I pretended to like to make my friends shut up.

Rick: It's important our non-plan starts randomly, so we have to wait until we're not ready.
Morty: W-Well, how long will that take?
Rick: Obviously, we can't know that.

Rick: I'm immune to your nanobots.
Heistotron: You're immune to the ones you designed, not mine.
Rick: I programmed you to build nanobots that were ineffective on me.
Heistotron: A belief that needed to be placed in your head by my nanobots.
Rick: You believe that because I programmed you to.
Heistotron: That's what I'm saying to you, though. You believe what I programmed you to believe.
Rick: Yes, because I programmed you to believe that.
Heistotron: I programmed you to believe that.
Rick: I programmed you to believe that.
Heistotron: I programmed you to believe that.
Rick: I programmed you to believe that.
Morty: What's happening, Professor Poopybutthole?
He's learning!

Rick: .....And I programmed you to believe that.
Heistotron: A most curious algorithm. It appears the only perfect heist is one that was never written. Goodbye.

Elon Tusk: Rick, I think this was a powerful lesson in the dangers of AI, which, by the way, means "love" in Chinese.

Rick: Morty, you know, pal, you, uh... you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

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