Strike Up the Band

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 3×1

Susie: Three hours for a person to do her hair...

Susie: And... managed.

Susie: So, rule number one for this performance?
Midge: Don't say "fuck."
Susie: Rule number two for this performance?
Midge: Do not say "fuck."
Susie: And no dick jokes. Army guys are sensitive about dick jokes. That's why they're in the Army.

Fred: You need a weird ask.
Susie: What do you mean I need a weird ass?
Fred: A weird ask. Something in your contract that's specifically weird only to you. Like, uh, all the pillows in your room have to have a cat design on them.
Susie: I'm not gonna do that.
Fred: You have to. They'll never take you seriously if you don't.
Susie: Well, how weird does it have to be?

Susie: Hey, would you mind blowing my brains out?

Susie: 450 bucks, plus I'll be subletting my apartment to Jackie. This means I'm gonna be making the most money I made since... ever. Since ever.

Susie: Oh, and we have to come up with something weird. Like, you need baby goats in your dressing room, or all your hand towels have to be from Windsor Castle.
Midge: Oh, can we get that? I would love that.

Midge: My goodness, that is a lot of khaki...

Midge: I just want you to know how much I admire you guys. I could never be brave enough to wear the same outfit every day.

Midge: Maybe you fellas could run some jargon by me? Make sure I understand it...
— Direct support.
Midge: Too easy. That's what I'm wearing under my dress right now.
— Zone of action.
Midge: Everything not covered by the direct support I'm wearing. ...

Midge: Frontal fire and shock action? Isn't frontal fire what you contract when you have shock action with the wrong girl overseas?

— Withdrawal.
Midge: Congratulations, you're a daddy.

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Shirley: We're gonna live in Queens!

Susie: Susie Myerson of Susie Myerson and Associates. I promise she will never do that again.

Midge: Shall I leave you two alone?
Susie: I just love money. You know? Smells great. Feels great. It looks great.
Midge: Just be careful. It can break your heart.

Joel: Hey. You said one night. And I heard you.
Midge: I just thought you'd follow up. Something happens, you follow up. A guy comes to fix your dishwasher, he calls later to follow up.
Joel: No, he doesn't.
Midge: Yes, he does.

Joel: Chinatown. You think people will come to a club in Chinatown?
Mrs. Moskowitz: If the drinks are strong and the music's hot.

Rose: The vacations, the dinners, the cocktail parties... you think all that exists because you taught eight hyper-intelligent, emotionally-retarded eunuchs to draw symbols on a chalkboard.
Abe: I think you're oversimplifying my classes...

Rose: Do you know one other professor who lives the way we do?
Abe: Milk is 49 cents a gallon?
Rose: Not one. They all have drab clothes and gray skin and they die young.

Abe: I was never a materialistic man, Rose. I cared about science and thought and bettering mankind. Now look at me. I'm wearing two sweaters. Rose, tell me, when did I become a man who needs five bedrooms? When did I become a man who-who needs a linen closet? When did I become a man who has a maid? When did I change? When did I become this selfish, materialistic man? Th-the kind of man I used to despise.
Rose: When you married me.
Abe: I didn't say that!

Midge: I am not a prostitute. I'm a comic.
Rose: Is there a difference?
Midge: Yes, prostitutes get paid more.
Abe: Hilarious. You should go into comedy.
Midge: I did.

Abe: ...And you quit your piano lessons!
Midge: When I was eight!
Abe: You just quit. You're a quitter.
Midge: I hated piano.
Abe: Of course you hated piano... didn't come with a costume.
Midge: I was a terrible player. The neighbors complained. My teacher used earplugs.
Abe: But you should not have quit. That sets the tone for an entire life.

Abe: A-Are they arresting him? Wait, are you arresting him?... B... b... but you... you can't do that. He... he's just talking... Look, I understand you don't like it. I don't either, really. It was obscene, repulsive, that girl was clearly very cold. Who wants to see that? But that's not really for you to decide, is it?
Lenny Bruce: Listen to the man, he's wearing two sweaters.
Cop: I'm telling you for the last time, sir, sit down.
Abe: I won't sit down. I don't have to sit down. I have the right to stand, don't I? Wh... what, i... is standing and talking illegal now? Or just standing?
Cop: Okay, you want to come, too?
Abe: Right. How about leaning? Where do you land on leaning?

Abe: Gandhi went to jail. Galileo died under house arrest. Emma Goldman was deported.
Lenny Bruce: I just tell jokes, man, that's all.

Midge: I'm not mad. I am too angry to be mad.

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