The One with the Cheap Wedding Dress

Friends 7×17

Chandler: You want me to call?
Monica: No. I'll do it. You stick to your job.
Phoebe: What is your job?
Chandler: Staying out of the way.

Ross: Well, obviously, only one of us can keep dating her.
Joey: Obviously. So how do we decide?
Ross: Well now, let's look at this objectively... I think I should date her.
Joey: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Or I'm the one who dates her.
Ross: That's interesting. But check this out. I date her.
Joey: Yeah, I like that. But just to go in another direction...
Ross: Okay. This can go on for a while.
Joey: We should order some food then.

Kristen: Is your back feeling better?
Ross: Yeah, it's fine. I guess, ahem, the more muscles you have... the more they can spasm out of control.

Ross: Hey, Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date... that when the girl goes to the bathroom, you eat some of her food?
Kristen: You said the waiter ate my crab cake!
Joey: So, Ross, now why did that first marriage break up? Hm? Was it because the woman was straight or because she was a lesbian?
Kristen: Do you two know each other?
— No!
Joey: But he seems like a guy who'd marry a woman... on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
Ross: Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea?
Joey: Have you ever slept in the same bed with a monkey?
Ross: Hey, you leave Marcel out of this!
Joey: Fine! You ever gotten stuck in a pair of your own leather pants?
Ross: Hey, hey! Have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet, VD-boy?
Joey: Monkey-lover!... Where do you think we lost her?
Ross: Probably around "gonorrhea."

Chandler: You got a wedding dress? That's great.
Monica: Yeah, but I'm not keeping it.
Chandler: Then why can't I see it?
Monica: Oh. I guess you can. But I have to return it, so you can't like it.
Chandler: Okay, I promise. I'll hate it... Wow. You look... hideous.
Monica: Really?
Chandler: Yeah. That's like the most ugliest dress I've ever seen.

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