Deadpool: Don't worry. You're not going to die. Although these will kill you.
Deadpool: I'm merely a vessel for the Lord... Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals!
Deadpool: Let's see Captain America do that!
Deadpool: I know what you're thinking. "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." But that's where you'd be wrong. That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. True story. And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7...
Dopinder: Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
Deadpool: I'll never not picture that. But I can't wait to never speak of this, as soon as possible.
Wade Wilson: Oh, my God! I want a boy! Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other!... Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name. Like Cher or Todd.
Vanessa: Hey. Look at me. You are not your father. .....
Wade Wilson: But here's the thing, isn't that how it always works? Like in Star Wars, men are destined to become their father... and then have consensual sex with their sister?
Vanessa: I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie.
Wade Wilson: No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.
Vanessa: Baby, that's Empire.
Deadpool: Is it just me, or does Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... sound suspiciously like Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl?... And nobody fucking realizes it.
Deadpool: George Michael was right. I'm never gonna dance again... Fuck! He's dead, too. At least we still have Bowie...
Dopinder: Oh, Mr. Pool. David Bowie is...
Weasel: Uh, uh, uh...
Dopinder: ...still with us.
Weasel: We do. We'll always have Bowie.
Deadpool: Okay, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Buck: You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional. According to the...
Weasel: Kubler-Ross.
Buck: Yeah. According to the Kubler-Ross model... denial is just one of the five stages of grief.
Deadpool: Jesus Christ, Buck! No more speaking lines for you.
Althea: Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living.
Wade Wilson: Thank you... Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure.
Althea: Listen to the pain. It's both history teacher and fortune teller. Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we?... Wade? Wade?!
Wade Wilson: I'm right here, Althea. And that is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.
Wade Wilson: There's gotta be some way to die. I just need to die harder. Trademark Fox.
Colossus: Now, some ground rules while under our roof. "Rule number one. No killing... anyone ever, no matter how bad. Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator..."
Colossus: I'm proud. You're everything I knew you can be.
Wade Wilson: Thank you, Colossus. Just trying to be the world's best X-Man. Sorry, X-Person.
Deadpool: Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... We're the X-Men! A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s.
Deadpool: Put your hands behind your knees and get down on your head! Now!
Colossus: Wade! What was first rule?
Deadpool: Label everything in the refrigerator!
Colossus: Do not escalate!
Deadpool: Rules are meant to be broken!
Colossus: That's the exact opposite of what they're meant for!
Deadpool: Fuck! Fine! I'll start from the beginning. My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man.
Russel: I wanted to be a superhero. Always wanted a real super suit.
Wade Wilson: What happened?
Russel: When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero?
Wade Wilson: Never.
Russel: The industry discriminates.
Wade Wilson: Fuck superheroes.
Deadpool: I can't protect you. With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. Now, if you'll excuse me... I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits.
Deadpool: What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker with a Winter Soldier arm?
Cable: Who are you?
Deadpool: I'm Batman.
Deadpool: So, you're from the future. I have three questions then. One, is dubstep still a thing? Two, do people still homebrew? And three, does Dopinder ever find love?
Cable: ... Dubstep's for pussies.
Deadpool: You're so dark! Are you sure you're not from the DC universe?
Deadpool: You know what we need to do? We need to build a fucking team. We need 'em tough, morally flexible, and young enough so they can carry this franchise 10-12 years.
Weasel: A team of highly-skilled motherfuckers. I'm talking about some Ocean's 14-shit. Rogue Two. John Wick 3, but with the original director.
Deadpool: Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people that are worse than me at everything. A whole bunch of functional idiots. I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman.
Weasel: Isn't that Canada?
Deadpool: You shut your goddamn trash mouth!
Peter: I'd like to go home.
Deadpool: And I'd like... the McRib to be available year round, but sometimes dreams don't come true.
Deadpool: Seriously, I don't get it! What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? It's just it's hard to picture. And certainly not very cinematic. I mean, luck? What coked out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist... came up with that little chestnut? Probably a guy who can't draw feet!
Deadpool: Hands off that kid, John Connor!
Deadpool: I guess family really is an F-word...
Cable: Ugh. Is that really necessary?
Weasel: No. It's his "Basic Instinct."
Deadpool: No offense, but if you know so much... why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? Or better yet, head back a little further, kill baby Hitler.
Cable: I use a device to slide through time. The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. I got two charges: one to get me here, one to get me home.
Deadpool: Well. That's just lazy writing.
Deadpool: Yeah, he's got anger issues... maybe a small learning disability... splash of diabetes... but nothing that can't be fixed.
Deadpool: I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies.
Cable: 50 years from now, you're very dead. Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma.
Deadpool: Boom! Spoiler alert. Planets...
Cable: Here's a spoiler alert. You're not a fucking hero. You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.
Russell: What do you say we go fuck some shit up?
Juggernaut: "Let's fuck some shit up" is my legal middle name.
Juggernaut: I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass!
Deadpool: Go get him, tiger! Big CGI fight coming up!
Colossus: That's how we do it in Mother Russia.
Deadpool: Please, just don't leave me. I don't wanna die without an audience... Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching.
Wade Wilson: Is this heaven?
Vanessa: It is now.
Vanessa: It's pretty fucking awesome over here. I can have anything I want.
Wade Wilson: Can every day be International Women's Day?
Vanessa: It is heaven.
Cable: I'm gonna stick around for a while... and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion.
Deadpool: I don't know how to thank you. But I do know how to hug you.
Deadpool: No, no! No! No more!... No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! We'll let karma take care of him.
Deadpool: What do you get when you take eight feet of chrome... one pinch of courage... a cup of good luck... a dab of racism... a splash of diabetes... and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? Answer: a family.
Deadpool: If there's anything you take away today... other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"... it's that we all need to belong to someone.
Deadpool: Walk away! Just walk away!
Peter: But we're X-Force!
Deadpool: Nope! We're not. X-Force is just a marketing tool designed by Fox executives... to keep Josh Brolin employed. It doesn't exist.
Deadpool: All right. Maximum effort.
--
+++ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!
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