The Conjugal Configuration

The Big Bang Theory 12×1

Sheldon: Good morning, wife.
Amy: Good morning, husband.

Sheldon: When you think about it, Lego is the perfect metaphor for marital congress. Two pieces that interlock with a satisfying snap.
Amy: Oh, that's the sound you were making.

Raj: I should probably make a list of all the scientific inaccuracies in Mamma Mia 2.
Penny: You're gonna go on live TV and admit you've seen that movie?
Raj: Hey, your husband's the one who took me!
Leonard: Meryl Streep and Cher? Yeah, I saw it.

Penny: Hey, did you even see Mamma Mia 1?
Leonard: Didn't need to. The sequel stands on its own.

Sheldon: ...And tomorrow, a tour of the sites where Nikola Tesla lived, worked and slowly went crazy... And, of course, coitus.

Amy: Really, Sheldon? You want to do it again?
Sheldon: Don't act surprised. It's clearly marked on the schedule.

Sheldon: Now, shall we steam the wrinkles out of our wizard robes, or make vigorous, socially sanctioned love? Either way, I can check something off my to-do list.

Penny: I can't believe they canceled Vampire Diaries but they'll show this.
Leonard: This is the news.
Penny: And that was a woman torn between two hunky vampires. What is your point?

Mrs. Fowler: You are so naive. Blondie here is gonna chew you up and spit you out.

Howard: Nice try. You're gonna have to find some other way to not have sex with me tonight.

Bernadette: I want to look away, but I can't.

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Sheldon: Do you know what I love about Broadway theater? It's so interactive!

Sheldon: Should we shower? I mean before, not during. That's how you fall and break a hip.

Amy: Sheldon, do we really have to do this on a schedule?
Sheldon: Are you suggesting spontaneity?

Amy: Where are you going?
Sheldon: Uh, to take a shower. Now that sex can happen at any time, I always have to be ready. Should probably live under a waterfall...

Sheldon: If you had adhered to my coital schedule, your brain would be floating on a sea of oxytocin right now.

Sheldon: I'm only recently married. Do I stay here? Do I follow? Say something useful!

Leonard: Yes, I flinch when you make sudden moves, but... that says more about my childhood than you.

Sheldon: When I was little, and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd always say, "A brain in a jar."

Sheldon: I wouldn't want to fight a man who's brave enough to touch a fish.

Sheldon: I'll create an algorithm that'll generate a pseudo-random schedule. Yeah, and do you know why it won't be a true random schedule?
Amy: Because the generation of true random numbers remains an unsolved problem in computer science.
Sheldon: Come with me.
Amy: Where are we going?
Sheldon: To the hotel room.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: The next time you pick up your phone, remember, I'm the guy who kicked Pluto out of the solar system.

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On the IMDb