The Wide Window: Part Two

A Series of Unfortunate Events 1×6

Lemony Snicket: Can't be. When you lose someone important to you, "it can't be" are often the words that run through your saddened head. It that I've lost someone so important. It can't be that I will never see them again. It can't be, it can't be... it can't be.

Lemony Snicket: My name is Lemony Snicket, and it is my job to report the history of the Baudelaire orphans, but it can't be that you have nothing better to do.

Klaus: There's something funny about this note.
Violet: There's nothing funny about a woman throwing herself out a window.
Klaus: Not funny as in a funny joke. Funny as in a funny... smell.

Mr. Poe: You are very intelligent children, but even the most intelligent people sometimes need the help of a banker.

Mr. Poe: ...And look where she writes "I think shopping is terribly dangerous" and how it matches "think of me kindly, even though I'd done this terrible thing."
Klaus: It should be "I've done this terrible thing."
Mr. Poe: Yes, it is a terrible thing, and I'm sure it's very upsetting to read.

Mr. Poe: It's like I said, Baudelaires. You're letting your imagination get the best of you. Imagination's all well and good for children's books or digital entertainment, but this is real life.

Count Olaf: We should drink a toast. After all, it's not every day that a man becomes a father of three children.

White Faced Woman #1: Yeah, no funny business, clown!
Larry: It's Larry. I told you my name is Larry.
White Faced Woman #2: We don't care what your name is.
Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender: Or what gender you are.
Bald Man: Or whether that hair is real.

Larry: You'll never defeat us. You can surround us. You can throw us out of windows. You can threaten us and make us cook for you--
Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender: Sorry to interrupt, but what's the soup of the day?

Mr. Poe: ...And the grammatical mistakes are merely the nervousness of any woman who was about to throw herself out a window.

Mr. Poe: Uh, Sham, I need to have a few words with you about the children's education...
Count Olaf: Oh, I've always been a big supporter of the school voucher system.

Lemony Snicket: Everyone is allergic to something... Whether it is gluten, injustice, dark chocolate, corruption, pollen... or common decency.

Lemony Snicket: Of course, if you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.

Taxi driver: Does anybody need a ride someplace for a reasonable fee?

Taxi driver: ...Believe me, I've had this conversation a million times. If you look at the white whale in terms of postcolonialism...
Violet: Thank you, sir.
Taxi driver: Call me Ishmael.

Count Olaf: So the tuition fund cannot be spent, for example, on a pair of diamond cufflinks?... Just asking.

Klaus: ....Now all we have to do is sail across Lake Lachrymose in the middle of a hurricane.

Lemony Snicket: Sailing across Lake Lachrymose in a hurricane offers a plethora of challenges. "Plethora" is a word which here means "too many to list," but I will try...

Aunt Josephine: Whatever word that was, Sunny, it was grammatically incorrect.

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Violet: Why did you leave us all alone by ourselves?...
Aunt Josephine: Oh, Violet... it is not grammatically correct to say "leave us all alone by ourselves." You can say "leave us all alone," or "leave us by ourselves," but not both. Do you understand?

Aunt Josephine: That's right, darling. Close your eyes. That's what I do when I'm afraid. It always makes me feel better to block out the fear. Let's all close our eyes, as if we're watching some on-screen entertainment that's too scary for people our age.

Violet: I don't have time to argue with you. I'm trying to save each of our lives!
Aunt Josephine: The expression is "saving all of our lives" not "saving each of our..."

Violet: Just try your best.
Klaus: It doesn't matter if I try my best. What matters is what happens.

Mother: This might be a bit of a rough landing. Brace yourself.
Father: I always do.

Aunt Josephine: Listen to me, Olaf, you villain, you wretch, you vastly untalented actor!

Aunt Josephine: I'm going to tell you something I should've told you a long time ago.
Count Olaf: And what might that be?
Aunt Josephine: It's... "have"!
Count Olaf: What?
Aunt Josephine: You said, "After all the secrets we had shared." You should have said, "After all the secrets we have shared." You made a serious grammatical error!

Count Olaf: Let me make sure I understand... You would not say, "Josephine Anwhistle had been thrown overboard to the leeches," because that would be incorrect. But if you said, "Josephine Anwhistle has-s-s been thrown overboard to the leeches," you would be all right with that?

Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender: But Josephine?
Count Olaf: Josephine, Schmosephine...

Lemony Snicket: As I'm sure you know, one way to demonstrate you don't care about something is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the real first letters. If you didn't care about truth and justice, for example, you might say "truth, schmuth" or "justice, schmustice."

Count Olaf: My leg! My leg has grown back! It's amazing! It's incredible! It's wonderful! It's a medical miracle!
Hook-Handed Man: It's a mitzvah!

Violet: What's that thing Haruki Murakami said?
Klaus: "When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in."
Violet: Before that part.
Klaus: "You won't even be sure, in fact... whether the storm is really over."

Klaus: Do you think we made the right choice?
Violet: Doesn't matter if we made the right choice. What matters is what happens.

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