The Deception Verification

The Big Bang Theory 7×2

& Leonard: Oh, my gosh, why are we whispering?
    Penny: I didn’t tell Sheldon, so we could have a few days alone.
    Leonard: Oh, that is so romantic.
    Penny: Uh, sure, that’s why I did it.

& Sheldon: Penny, it’s your lucky day! Three of the eggs are clearly not jumbo. Grab your keys.

& Sheldon: Uh, Stuart, I was wondering if you could help me find something.
    Stuart: Happy to, unless it’s hope or a reason to live.
    Sheldon: Oh, you make me laugh, sad clown. Anyhoo...

& Howard: I’m sorry, I’ve been kind of snippy lately. It’s probably this stupid diet I’m on.
    Raj: Why are you on a diet?
    Howard: I’ve put on a couple pounds. Had to buy these pants in the men’s section.

& Leonard: And this is me doing the Titanic pose on the boat.
    Penny: Ah.
    Leonard: And... oh. That’s me getting rescued after I fell in.
    Penny: Oh.

& Leonard: I’m gonna hit the head. That’s what us salty sea dogs say when we have to go pee-pee.

& Penny: I kind of feel like eating alone tonight, so...
    Sheldon: Are you sure? With your Italian pizza and my Chinese noodles, we could play Marco Polo. I mean, of course, a reenactment of a meal in the life of Marco Polo the Venetian explorer, not Marco Polo the terrifying water sport.

& Sheldon: I can take a look at it. I’m quite familiar with plumbing. Not to brag, but I spent most of fifth grade with my head in a toilet.

& Sheldon: That’s curious. If there’s no one here, why are there two glasses of wine on the table?
    Penny: Oh. Well, you know, I-I’ve got two hands and a bit of a drinking problem.

& Bernadette: For the last time, you’re not fat.
    Howard: Really? Tell that to the bathroom scale, ’cause one of you is lying.

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& Bernadette: How was dinner at your mom’s?
    Howard: Awful. I had to rub her ointment all over her again.
    Bernadette: Why can’t she do it?
    Howard: ’Cause we’ve got a deeply unhealthy relationship!

& Bernadette: Howie, the estrogen’s getting absorbed by your skin. That’s why you’ve been all bloated and moody and a giant pain in the ass.
    Howard: You’re full of estrogen and you don’t act like that.
    Bernadette: That’s ’cause I’m a woman! I’ve had years of practice riding the dragon.

& Bernadette: It’s gonna take a few weeks for the hormones to leave your system.
    Howard: I feel so stupid. And fat...
    Bernadette: It’s okay. You still look great to me. In fact, why don’t we go in the bedroom and I’ll prove it to you?
    Howard: Sex?! Really? I mean, that’s just your solution to everything!

& Amy: I don’t think Penny would cheat on Leonard.
    Sheldon: Oh, really? Ha! She and I once had a staring contest. She clapped really loud and made me blink. It’s a small leap from there to sexual infidelity.

& Amy: Do you hear anything?
    Sheldon: I hear a woman’s voice.
    Amy: Is it Penny?
    Sheldon: No, it’s you.

& Sheldon: I hear kissing.
    Amy: Yeah, like you know what kissing sounds like.
    Sheldon: There’s kissing in Star Trek, smarty-pants.

& Amy: Sounds like Leonard.
    Sheldon: Please! Why would Leonard come home early and waste his time kissing Penny when he could be hanging out with his best buddy?

& Penny: Sheldon, you cannot just barge in here like that!
    Sheldon: Right... Penny!.. Penny!.. Penny! ... Are you going to answer the door or should I open it and say “aha” again?

& Sheldon: Uh, I never realized to what extent our friendship was a burden to you.
    Leonard: That is not fair. I complain about what a burden it is at least once a month.
    Sheldon: Oh, no, no, let’s not sugarcoat this. You find me finicky, pedantic and annoying.
    Penny: No, he doesn’t.
    Leonard: I actually have used those exact words before. In that order.

& Penny: He’s still mad at Leonard, huh?
    Amy: Well, he’s mad at you, too. He says you’re the succubus who led his friend astray.
    Penny: I don’t know what “succubus” is, but... it has “suck” in it, so that can’t be good.

& Penny: Hey, Sheldon.
    Sheldon: You don’t get a “hey.” You get a “hmm.”

& Sheldon: I let you buy feminine hygiene products with my supermarket club card. You have any idea the kind of coupons I’m going to get in the mail now?

& Amy: Sheldon, your fight’s with Leonard. Penny’s got nothing to do...
    Sheldon: Careful, Amy. The friend of my enemy’s girlfriend is my enemy.

& Sheldon: Howard, Raj. Judas.

& Leonard: You know what? You’re a crazy person.
    Sheldon: A crazy person with a long memory, and if all goes according to plan, a robot army. Or a mutant army. It depends on how my Kickstarter goes.

& Howard: This man held my breast the other day, and I love him for it.
    Raj: A little loud, dude.

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