Ixnay on the Oggie Day

Two and a Half Men 7×18

& Priscilla Honeycutt: I’ve tried everything. Acupuncture, yoga, shiatsu. Nothing seems to work.
    Alan: Not surprised. Those Eastern practices are mostly hooey. Modern chiropractic, on the other hand, is built on over 50 years of solid science.

& Charlie: Can we get the check, please?
    Alan: Hey, why don’t you let me get this one?
    Charlie: Really? Not gonna go for the world record?
    Alan: What?
    Charlie: One thousand six hundred... and forty-seven meals in a row where you haven’t taken out your Velcro wallet.
    Alan: You were counting?
    Charlie: Am I close?

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& Alan: Thank you, Charlie.
    Charlie: For what?
    Alan: Proving once again... that I am better than you.
    Charlie: Hey. Hey. I’m just a rascal. You are a male prostitute.
    Alan: That is a terribly hurtful thing to say.

& Chelsea: So there we are in this beautiful hotel room overlooking the ocean... and he’s on the phone with his mother, trying to help her download music.
    Charlie: You’re kidding...
    Chelsea: And I just sat there thinking: “Charlie would never do this. Charlie hates his mother with a blind passion.”
    Charlie: Remember when you used to think that was a bad thing?

& Chelsea: And when Brad’s not on the phone... he’s telling me how much I remind him of his mother.
    Charlie: I hope not while you were in bed. Because that would reflect badly on everybody.

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On the IMDb