I Found Your Moustache

Two and a Half Men 7×17

& Charlie: I’m gonna hate this movie.
    Alan: How can you be so sure?
    Charlie: It’s got subtitles. The only good subtitles are for Nazis, Columbian drug lords and space aliens. Oh, and kung fu.

& Alan: It’s been three weeks since you and Chelsea broke up. Move on.
    Charlie: Says the guy who still carries around a naked picture of his ex-wife...
    Alan: Hey, I bought those boobs, I have a right to look at them once in a while.

& Charlie: hat kind of man’s gonna sit through a gay French flick... unless he figures he’s got a good shot of getting laid after?

& Alan: Hey, that’s a good look for you. It’s kind of ’70s porn star... I’m guessing.

& Charlie: Look at that thing he’s driving.
    Alan: It’s a Prius.
    Charlie: Of course it’s a Prius. “I’m saving the planet, can I play with your boobies?”

& Charlie: Oh, great, they’re kissing now.
    Alan: Good thing he doesn’t know where her mouth has been...

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& Jake: Hey, Uncle Charlie, you look like a ’70s porn star... I’m guessing.

& Jake: So, what’s the deal with Uncle Charlie and Chelsea? Are they like back together or was that just a booty call?
    Alan: What do you know about booty calls?
    Jake: In theory, everything.

& Berta: Oh, crap.
    Alan: What?
    Berta: Just a little disappointed. I saw Chelsea’s car outside, I didn’t see yours.

& Chelsea: Can we talk?
    Charlie: Sure.
    Jake: Oh, that’s never good.
    Alan: How do you know?
    Jake: That’s what mom said to you.

& Charlie: I don’t understand it, Tom. I thought we were back together.
    Tom: Yeah, well, you can’t make sense out of a woman. They’re like beautiful puzzles with missing pieces... or a great book with no ending. Or like my old man used to say, “They’re all frigging nuts.”

& Charlie: So what? I’m supposed to just go about my business... hoping one day she shows up and says “I’m back”?
    Tom: Or you can do like me and Ed did.
    Ed: Change teams. A lot easier living with a man than a woman. Tom and I watch the same TV shows, we like the same food.
    Tom: You don’t have to leave the room to fart.
    Ed: You don’t have to, but it sure would be a nice idea.
    Charlie: Okay, well, thanks, fellas. This was real helpful.

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On the IMDb