Whenever You're Ready

The Good Place 4×13

Final Chapter

Janet: Would you like a magic guitar that plays all the notes for you? It's the number one request among men over 50 who have gotten in here.

Chidi: So ultimately, this all goes back to a line from Professor May's book: "Mortality offers meaning to our lives, and morality helps navigate that meaning."
Professor May: Wait, what I think it says is that mortality offers meaning to the events of our lives. ....
Chidi: Yes, Professor May, you're probably right about what you wrote.

Vicky: Sorry, but these younger demon actors have no dedication to their craft. They think they can just start acting. They have to learn that acting is reacting, and reacting is pre-acting, but pre-acting, well, that's just being.
The Judge: Okay, take it down a notch, Daniel Day-Lewis.

Jason: I have an announcement to make... I'm leaving. Going through the door.

Chidi: How did you know?
Jason: It wasn't like I heard a bell ring or anything. I just suddenly had this calm feeling, like the air inside my lungs was the same as the air outside my body. It was peaceful. You know the feeling when you think a jalapeño popper is gonna be too hot, but you bite into it anyway and it's actually the perfect temperature?

Pillboi: Jason is the realest dude ever. I mean, none of us are real anymore. We're all just Caspers the Ghost and whatnot, which is funny 'cause me and Jason ain't even white. Why are all ghosts white? Aw, dip. Are ghosts racist?

Jason: I hope you have a nice rest of eternity.

Janet: I don't experience time the same way you do. I kind of live all times at once. ... To me, remembering moments with you is the same as living in them.

Tahani: Well, this may not come as a surprise to any of you, but... I'm ready to go.

Eleanor: "Working out the terms of moral justification is an unending task." Boom! I did it! It only took me 2,000 Bearimies, but I finally finished that book. Ha-ha, sucker!

Eleanor: What are you reading?
Chidi: "The Da Vinci Code."
Eleanor: Really?
Chidi: Yeah, after a thousand lifetimes of reading the most difficult writings in the world, I've acquired a new passion... Garbage books.

Chidi: Shakespeare went through the door.
Eleanor: Really?
Chidi: Yeah. Everyone's talking about it.
Eleanor: It's probably for the best. His last 4,000 plays were not nearly as good as the ones he wrote on Earth. I mean, did you see "The Tempest 2: Here We Blow Again?" Woof!

Eleanor: I'm kind of a philosophy gal. Where were the big brains hanging out?
Chidi: Socrates, Aristotle, Plato, Diogenes, they all gathered right here in the agora! It was like the Avengers, but for super thinkers.

Chidi: Eleanor, I know what you're doing.
Eleanor: Being the best eternal girlfriend ever? Guilty.

Chidi: So, Eleanor, here it is... I love you, completely and utterly.
Eleanor: Oh, crap.
Chidi: But I have to go.
Eleanor: But you don't though. You don't have to go. You don't have to leave me.
Chidi: I don't want to leave you. I'm just... ready to leave. I have the same feeling that the others described, a kind of quietude in my soul.

---

Chidi: Let's see what's on the menu... Literally anything you could possibly imagine.

Eleanor: This is sad, man. You got a John Locke quote or piece of Kantian wisdom you can throw at me?
Chidi: Those guys were more focused on rules and regulations. For spiritual stuff, you gotta turn to the East...
Eleanor: I'll take anything you got. Hit me.
Chidi: Picture a wave... in the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through, and it's there, and you can see it, you know what it is. It's a wave. And then it crashes on the shore, and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a... a different way for the water to be for a little while... That's one conception of death for a Buddhist. The wave returns to the ocean, where it came from, and where it's supposed to be.

Judge: Relax, worrywart. Take a load off. Huh? Enjoy yourself. You know what I just discovered recently? Podcasts. There's, like, a billion of them and they just keep coming.

Janet: You can sit on that bench as long as you want. Whenever you're ready, you just walk through.

Eleanor: Michael, what are you doing?
Michael: I am returning my damn essence to the damn fabric of the damn universe.

Michael: That's what makes it special. I won't exactly know what's going to happen after I die. Nothing more human than that... Besides texting people that you're five minutes away when you haven't even left the house.

Janet: If you rent a car, don't pay for the insurance! It's a scam.

Janet: I wonder how Michael's doing...
Eleanor: I assume he's doing the same as every human... Some good days. Some bad days... He's got a few friends. A few people he can't stand... He's learning some things all by himself. And hopefully learning to ask for help when he needs it... He's messing up, and trying again, and messing up again, and then getting things wrong, and then trying to make them right. That's what everyone does.

Janet: What do you think happens when people walk through the door? It's the only thing in the universe I don't know.
Eleanor: I don't know either. The wave returns to the ocean. What the ocean does with the water after that is anyone's guess. But as a very wise not-robot once told me... true joy is in the mystery.

Janet: Do you mind if I stay here until you're gone?
Eleanor: Only if you say that thing I taught you...
Janet: I hate to see you walk through the final door at the edge of existence, but I love to watch you leave.
Eleanor: There we go.

Michael: Thank you so very, very much.
Ken: Yeah, no problem. Take it easy.
Michael: I'll do you one better. I'll say this to you, my friend, with all the love in my heart and all the wisdom of the universe... Take it sleazy.

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