The Slippery Slope: Part One

A Series of Unfortunate Events 3×1

♪ It's a horrid way to start up this ♪
♪ Our third and final season ♪
♪ Anyone still watching it has clearly lost all reason ♪
♪ Just look away ♪
♪ Look away ♪
♪ There's nothing but horror ♪
♪ And inconvenience on the way ♪

Lemony Snicket: Like handshakes, house pets, and raw carrots, many things are preferable when not slippery, and the least preferable slippery thing is a slope, which is why I implore you... to look away.

Lemony Snicket: "It's a slippery slope" is an expression which refers to the way even small, seemingly harmless actions can set you down a path to something horribly wrong.

Lemony Snicket: ... a slippery slope can also be literal.

Violet: Try not to think about falling.
Klaus: But it's impossible to think about anything else.

Violet: We're alive, but we're not okay.

Count Olaf: Do you smell that, Esmé? That's the fresh mountain scent of T-R-Y-M-F!
Esmé Squalor: What, darling?
Count Olaf: Triumph!

Count Olaf: I haven't felt this sharp and focused since I first smelled kerosene.

Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender: They've gotten themselves out of a number of dangerous situations. In a way, one can't help but admire them.
Count Olaf: One can too help but admire them, and I am sure they're dead! They fell off a cliff. Please! This isn't some overexaggerated melodrama.

Lemony Snicket: Allow me to offer a word of caution: If you happen to find yourself on a slippery slope, watch your step. When you're on top of something, such as a moral threshold or a mountain... there's nowhere to go but down.

Count Olaf: It's important to be well-rested before committing arson.

Count Olaf: We will surprise those volunteers in the middle of coffee, or tea, or whatever it is pretentious people drink.

Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender: There's no paper.

Count Olaf: It's called a catchphrase, a word which here means "a catchy phrase," and it is one of the most important tools in any pre-former's repertoire. ... A catchphrase should be cool and snappy, and you should be able to use it in any situation at all, like, um... "It's my way or the freeway." Or, "Give me those earrings, Rachel."

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Count Olaf: I'm about to get everything I've ever wanted in life, so I'm feeling generous.

Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender: Is a personal philosophy of moral relativism the only way to survive in an ethically complex world, or is it an excuse we use to justify doing bad things?

Lemony Snicket: There is a story that describes more or less the same situation, and that is the story of Cinderella... Cinderella was a young person who was placed in the care of various wicked people who teased her and made her do all of their chores... She was rescued by a fairy godmother who magically created a special outfit so Cinderella could go to a ball and marry a prince. If you would like the story of Sunny Baudelaire, simply take the story of Cinderella and eliminate the fairy godmother, the special outfit, the ball, the prince, the marriage, the seasonal gourd that becomes a carriage, and the ending where they live happily ever after.

Klaus: How can anyone be "xylophone"? It's not an adjective.

Quigley Quagmire: Have you read the story of Anna Karenina?
Klaus: Our mother read it to us.
Violet: We were very young, so she'd stop to explain all the words and themes.
Carmelita Spats: Boring!
Klaus: Anna Karenina is a classic of Russian literature!
Carmelita Spats: That's another word for boring,

Quigley Quagmire: Some things are easier to find in the dark.

Carmelita Spats: Give me those earrings, Rachel!

Violet: We don't know who you are. How do we know we can trust you?
Quigley Quagmire: "Xenial" is an adjective that begins with X. It means being welcoming to strangers. Having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person, but it does mean I've read a lot, and in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil.

Carmelita Spats: I only watch network television.

Lemony Snicket: An aura of menace is a distinct feeling of evil that accompanies the arrival of certain people. Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under your desk.

Mommy: What do you have to say for yourself?
Count Olaf: It wasn't my fault! It was theirs! I am surrounded by incompetence and disloyalty!
Hook-Handed Man: Hey, that's not fair.
Count Olaf: It's more than fair. It's totally true!

Klaus: The central theme of the novel Anna Karenina...
Violet: Is that a rural life of moral simplicity...
Klaus: Is the preferable personal narrative to a daring life of impulsive passion...
— Which only leads to tragedy.
Klaus: Our mother had us memorize it.

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+ Quotes on the IMDb