Patty

The Good Place 4×12

Chapter 51

Tahani: I feel just like Dorothy when she lands in Oz... Excited, incredulous, much taller than everyone else around me.

Eleanor: Whoa. It's like I'm inside the Internet.

Tahani: Oh, my goodness, that chime is so soothing, it feels like my brain is being massaged—
Chidi: By a baby deer?

Janet: Sorry, Chidi, Aristotle's in the Bad Place. He defended slavery.
Chidi: Socrates?
Janet: No, too annoying. Very loud chewer.
Chidi: Plato!
Janet: Slavery again. Oh, you know who is here? Hypatia of Alexandria. Do you know her?

Chidi: Ooh, Hypatia! I'm gonna ask her so many questions pertaining to the grand ideas about the universe, like: "Why?" Oh, oh, and also... "How?"

Eleanor: Holy fork, that is a soothing chime!

Chidi: Also is it Hy-PAY-shuh, or Hy-PAT-ee-uh? Or in the Ancient Greek, "who-PUH-tee-uh?" There's a lot of fun debate about this.
Hypatia of Alexandria: You know what, just call me Patty.

Patty: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you... what's it called, um... a think-book-man? No, um... a think-read-book-man.
Chidi: A philosopher, yes.

Patty: Listen carefully before I forget how to say this: you gotta help us, we are so screwed.
Chidi: We are?

Tahani: How did you die?
Paltibaal: I got a cut on my hand. The year was 2491 BC, so that's pretty much all it took. You got a cut, or you drank water that wasn't hot enough, and then boom, dead. I would've killed for a vaccine. Any vaccine. It's crazy that you guys just don't like them now.

Tahani: So what's your favorite part about living here?
Paltibaal: I mean, it's perfect. We're all having orgasms literally all the time. I died a virgin, so that's real crazy.

Eleanor: Wow, this milkshake is incredible!
Patty: Right? This is how I spend most of my time. Sitting in beautiful places, drinking my milkshake, slowly peeing into my pants, which instantly evaporates and leaves no trace.
Chidi: Sounds fun.

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Patty: This is the exact problem! On paper, this is paradise. All your desires and needs are met, but it's infinite, and when perfection goes on forever, you become this glassy-eyed mush person.

Eleanor: So we finally make it into the Good Place, and now we're just gonna become zombies?

Patty: Okay, that's it in a nutshell. 'Cause you get here and you realize that anything's possible, and you do everything, and then you're done. But you still have infinity left. This place kills fun, and passion, and excitement, and love... till all you have left are milkshakes.

Eleanor: I'm not giving up. We worked too hard and went through too much. And I'm not just gonna sit back and turn into some slack-jawed sweatpant-wearing orgasm machine— Oh, my God, I'm describing my dream existence like it's bad! What is wrong with this place?!

Tahani: It's Coachella. We've invented Cosmic Coachella! Oh, we have to fix this.

Eleanor: Remember what I said to you when you were going through your "midlife crisis, one earring, red convertible" phase?
Michael: "You look so stupid."
Eleanor: After that.
Michael: You said that every human is a little bit sad all the time, because you know you're gonna die. But that knowledge is what gives life meaning.

Michael: Let's change the afterlife, and then Taco Bell!

Eleanor: Vacations are only special because they end.

Chidi: We're gonna set up a new kind of door. Um, somewhere peaceful, so that when you feel happy and satisfied and complete, and you want to leave the Good Place for good, you can just walk through it, and your time in the universe will end.
Tahani: You don't have to go through it if you don't want to, but you can, and hopefully, knowing that you don't have to be here forever will help you feel happier while you are.
Paltibaal: What will happen when we go through it?
Janet: Well, we don't really know, exactly. All we know is, it will be peaceful, and your journey will be over.

Patty: That's not what saved you. It was your friendships. Oh. Sorry. Still not sharp.

Tahani: Well, I'll see you all tomorrow. And every tomorrow after that.

Chidi: This is what we've been looking for since the day we met. Time. I think that's what the Good Place really is. It's... not even a place, really, it's just... having enough time with the people you love.

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