1 февр. 2020 г.

It's Comedy or Cabbage

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 3×5


Midge: You don't have to tip everyone, you know.
Susie: Eh, to be a big shot, you got to act like a big shot. Big shots tip.

Midge: What floor?
Frontdesk: Tenth floor.
Susie: Ooh, too high.
Midge: Room service gets cold.
Susie: And you can't jump out if there's a fire.

Midge: Third floor. Away from families.
Susie: Kids scream.
Midge: She swears.
Susie: No kids. Oh, and no first-time fuckers.
Frontdesk: Pardon me?
Susie: Newlyweds. They scream, too.

Susie: How many of the words in that request do you think she understood?
Midge: Not everyone outside of Manhattan's an idiot.

Midge: Susie. A staircase to nowhere.
Susie: A what to where?
Midge: See that staircase? It's there just so the ladies can walk down in their finest dresses and everybody can watch them.

Susie: Wait a second, you're competent? You got to get out of Florida. Seriously, get on a bus and get to New York. You do not belong here. Take it. Go. Don't even check us in.
Frontdesk: Third floor. I'll have your bags follow you up.
Susie: And then you'll leave? After the bags? Save yourself!

Shirley: I don't want people to think I have a maid. That uniform was a dead giveaway.
Rose: But Zelda is a maid. A maid wears a uniform.
Shirley: Well, she can wear it at night if it'll make you feel any better.
Rose: Night?!
Shirley: When it's dark. And the lights are out.
Zelda: I can wear it to bed.
Shirley: Yes, she can wear it to bed.

Midge: You want some lemonade?
Susie: No, I don't want any fucking lemonade. Does it look like I'm sitting here thinking about some goddamned ass-licking, cock-sucking, dick-whacking lemonade?!

Susie: How can you relax? It's boiling. It's humid. There's bugs and snakes and birds and bats and alligators and sand. There's sand everywhere... in the sandwiches, in the room, in my hair, in my ass. I haven't been anywhere near the beach and I have sand in my ass.
Midge: That says more about you than it does about Florida.

Susie: Why do Jews do this to themselves? Why do they find terrible places and go live there? "Hey, here's a piece of the desert surrounded by people who hate us. Where do I sign?"

Susie: Miriam, I said don't!
Midge: Big breath...
Susie: I will kill your children. I will kill them and I will dress up in their clothes and I will haunt you.

Susie: Who peed? Who peed in this pool? Well, at least you're honest.

Sophie Lennon: I haven't had anyone look at me that coldly since I had my mother deported.

Susie: Hey, could you un-teach me how to swim so I can drown myself?


Ezra: The font is electric.
Madeline: Trotsky used the same font in his earliest pamphlets.
Alan: This font could change the world. Right, Abe?

Abe: I can't believe this spelling. How many Ls in latitude? Anyone?... Too long a pause... Apostrophe "S". We're fighting against fascism, not punctuation!
Alan: Wow. Dig the cap and gownship. I feel like I'm back in school, man.

Alan: You should be looking at the ideas. Not the spelling. Not the grammar.
Abe: Look, people...
Madeline: Ugh. Old man lecture time.
Abe: The greatest threat to humanity is ignorance. That's why the free press is so important.

Ezra: Abe. This is not a corporate, sanitized, proofed paper. It's real, it's raw, it's ragged. Who cares about spelling and punctuation and clarity?
Madeline: And page numbers.
Abe: You're not taking this seriously. In my day we took things seriously—
Ezra: Yes. And then there was World War I!

Abe: They spelled "New York" with a "C"! Vive la résistance.

Carol: To someone with tits to talk to.
Midge: I was gonna go with "new friends", but yours is better.

Carol: ... And if the place is a slum, don't screw him. If his room's dirty, imagine how clean the rest of him is.
Midge: Ew.

Carol: You have a gun?
Midge: What?!
Carol: It's not necessary. Keys are a good weapon. High heels are great, and they never see it coming, and most hotels have an on-site shoe repair. Sometimes, if the guy seems really sketchy, but I just got to have some, I'll shove a matchbook cover in the door for an easier getaway... You look scared.

Carol: ... But on the other hand, you see the world. You answer to no one. The audiences, when they're great, are really great. And you're not having to go to your grave not having done anything interesting... I would get a gun, though.

Rose: What is the matter with you?! We have neighbors! And right now, they are all looking at you like you're insane, and therefore, they're looking at me like I'm insane because I live here with you in this house! We are the insane house on the street! The house that people talk about at barbecues, and tell their children to avoid at Halloween. We are the loud, uncouth, terrifying, disturbing house that ruins it for everyone! With the screaming and the yelling and the leaving for work at 5:00 in the morning, even on Saturday! And we're Jews! Abe and I came here normal people. Educated, cultivated people with pride and dignity! And now, I live in Queens, and I smell like onions all the time.

Shirley: If you don't mind my saying so, I think you're taking this relocation very badly. Maybe you should talk to someone. Now, normally, I don't believe in psychiatry, but in your case, it might be a good idea, because you're nuts.

Lenny Bruce: At some point, every Jew must live in Florida. It's in the Torah.

Lenny Bruce: Maybe someday. Before I'm dead.
Midge: It's a date.

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