Rattlestar Ricklactica

Rick and Morty 4x5

Rick: Morty, be sure to pee before we go. This adventure is gonna be a long haul, and I don't feel like emptying the jug.

Jerry: You tell your mother that I'm gonna be fine.
Rick: Don't train your child to lie, Jerry, even though, you know, 'tis the season.

Rick: I made your atomic matrix slightly lighter than air, and now your shoes are heavier than air, which makes you neutrally buoyant, which I find personally more impressive conceptually than walking on water, but what do I know? I wasn't born into the god business. I [BLEEP] earned it.

Rick: Uh-oh, flat tire.
Morty: How the hell do you get a flat tire in space, Rick?
Rick: Obviously from a sharp thing in space, Morty.

Morty: Can I come out with you, Rick?
Rick: No, I've seen this movie. Two guys leave th... e ship. One guy goes spinning away. You're staying in here where it's safe.

Rick: Ugh, you young people think space is like "Saturday Night Live." You see it every day, so you dream of being in it, but it dreams of removing all the air from your body and making you float around it for eternity as a flash-mummified corpse, which is also what space wants, so get back in the car.

Morty: I'm not in danger. There's nothing out here.
Rick: Literally everything is out here, and unlike everywhere else, I'm too busy to help you.

Morty: T-There's snakes in space?
Rick: There's literally everything in space, Morty! Now get the [BLEEP] back in the car.

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Morty: I'm dying, Rick. I can see the black mountain.
Rick: People who are really dying don't keep bring it up.
Morty: Is that true?
Rick: I don't know. I'm just usually around people that die faster.

Rick: Oof, oh, my God, these snakes are a mess. 19 billion snakes divided into 10,000 nations all on the brink of global war over... race. How funny is that?

Rick: Jerry, I'll tell you what. Because it's Christmas, I'm gonna do you a favor. I won't let you die, and I won't tell Beth that you almost killed yourself.
Jerry: Sounds like a win-win to me.
Rick: Come again?
Jerry: If I survive, it'll be without you, and if I die, it'll be on your ass. Merry Christmas, bitch. I am the Jesus Christ of Christmas!

Rick: Morty, what the hell did you do?
Morty: I was just trying to do the right thing. I took a living snake... Why... Why are they attacking us? I-I-I helped them!
Rick: You gave them proof that there was something bigger and scarier to unite against, you little idiot! They would have gone back into the Dark Ages for a couple of generations, but instead, they dedicated themselves into making universe-destroying, un-thought-out technology like time travel all so they could try to kill a little [BLEEP] sack on Earth who couldn't let a dead snake be dead even after it bit his ankle! Next time, stay in the [BLEEP] car!!

Narrator: 17 billion snake lives ended on June 21, 2026. The survivors lived only to face a new nightmare, the war between snake and machine...

Summer: Nobody chokes me without consent!

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