The Referee's A W***er

Inside No. 9 5×1

Martin: He is boring, yes. And that's a very good quality in a referee. He's anonymously competent, and that... takes guts.

Phil: I could be running the line at a World Cup, Martin. Imagine being able to flag Neymar offside...

Martin: We are not the story, Phil. We are neutral officiators. Never forget that.

Martin: We've always been the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Martin: Right, can we synchronise watches, please?
Oggy: We don't have to do that. It's not Mission: Impossible.

Brendan: I'll put all that in the report, or...?
Martin: Just put Number 9, Cooke, dismissed for violent conduct.

Brendan: He's shaken but philosophical. I think he's aware his legacy is somewhat tarnished.
Phil: Somewhat? He's the Lance Armstrong of football referees! He's fucked himself.
Brendan: Not... anatomically. Or professionally, as long as we all stick together.

Oggy: Whatever happened to "What happens in the ref's room stays in the ref's room"?
Brendan: Nah, different game now. You know when the rot set in? When they started putting us in coloured jerseys. Back in the day you were the Man in Black. Big characters like George Courtney... Then the television money came in and they demanded more colour. Pinks, greens, burgundies. We look more like Showaddywaddy than football referees. Sports entertainment...

Mitch: You do anything for your club, don't you?
Martin: I suppose you do, yeah.

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