Calvin Palmer: That damn shop. Boy, they sure know how to kill a man's dreams.
Jimmy James: Okay. I want a grande, triple non-fat, half-decaf... soymilk, French roast, caramel cappuccino. Okay? Now, with just a splash... just a splash of hazelnut. Okay? And orange extract. The extra foam in a separate cup. I'll have to spoon it on myself because y'all never get it right. You understand? Thank you.
Darrel: When does a woman just have too much ass? Ass is like money. You can never have too much.
Calvin Palmer: Hey, Ricky, yo! School these boys on your philosophy about ass because they can't distinguish... between a woman with a big ass and a big-ass woman.
Ricky: Hold tight. It's mathematics, cuz. It's the ratio. Now if you measure around a woman's waist, right? Measure around that ass, you come up with a ratio about 3-5. Now that means that a 24-inch waist... is gonna yield a 40-inch ass. The mathematics is correct, right? You with me?
Darrel: Yo. So give me an example. I mean, break it down.
Ricky: Okay, all right. Jennifer Lopez. Right? Woman with a big ass! Now, on the other side, we got... Mother Love. Big-ass woman!
J.D.: We've got $50,000 back at the motel! You're gonna cause a scene for $5? $5?!
Billy: It ain't even about the money. It's the principle.
Hustle Guy: Condoms. Pampers if you're too late.
Eddie: These young boys don't know nothing. Let me get you lathered up here. Put that towel on his face... Get your foam nice and lathery... Y'all come over here and learn something... See, in my day, a barber was more than just somebody... who sit around in a FUBU shirt with his drawers hanging all out. In my day, a barber was a counselor. He was a fashion expert. A style coach. Pimp. Just general, all-around hustler. But the problem with y'all cats today... is that... you got no skill. No sense of history. And then, with a straight face... got the nerve to want to be somebody. Want somebody to respect you. But it takes respect to get respect. Understand?
Dinka: So, Ricky... what advice can you offer a guy like me on the art of wooing women?
Ricky: On what?
Dinka: You know, getting the hookup... the digits, the skins, ill nana, snappy-nappy, oochie-wallie?
Ricky: Yo, just be yourself.
Dinka: I'm big-boned, Rick, hefty, rotund. There's too much of myself to go around.
Ricky: Hold it. There's plenty of fat brothers pulling good ass. Look at Biggie, Heavy D...
Dinka: They were world-famous rappers. I, on the other hand, am an overweight barber from West Africa... with a fondness for poetry.
Ricky: Attitude will put you on. Confidence. She got to know that, at a moment's notice, you know, you will not hesitate... to put the pimp hand down on Jesus himself... if he ever made the mistake of disrespecting her. How you think Captain Kirk got all that booty?
Dinka: Yes! Thank you, brother!
Eddie: What I'm saying is, is that black people need to stop lying. There's three things that black people need to tell the truth about. One, Rodney King should have got his ass beat... for driving drunk and being pulled over in a Hyundai. Two, O.J. did it. And three, Rosa Parks ain't do nothing but sit her black ass down. That's right! I said it!
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