Trip to Stabby Town

Lucifer 2×8

& Lucifer: And so there we were,the detective and I, standing in her kitchen, and... she made me... a sandwich.

& Lucifer: I believe this is the part where you tell me it’s much more than just a sandwich. For example... maybe it was a gesture of intimacy. You know, the slices of bread representing, perhaps...

& Lucifer: Doctor, please, what delicious message was she sending me?
    Dr. Linda: ......... What about Hitler?
    Lucifer: The sandwich is Hitler?

& Dr. Linda: How did you actually torture Hitler in Hell? I mean, is his cell next to Idi Amin’s? Or Mussolini’s? Or is there kind of a-a-a... a tyrant wing in Hell?

& Lucifer: I suppose it was futile of me to think that you wouldn’t want to discuss the whole... «I’m really the Devil» thing.
    Dr. Linda: The actual Devil?

& Dr. Linda: What about my Uncle Edwin? Is he down there? I mean, ’cause he was... you know.... one... he was one bad mama jama.

& Lucifer: I think I’ve broken my therapist.

& Lucifer: She’s somewhere to the left of totally useless and to the right of babbling lunatic.
    Chloe: Oh, so she’s you in a skirt.

& Chloe: Well, eyewitness testimonies can be unreliable.
    Ella: Yeah, people’s ojos go a little loco. Evidence, however, does not lie.

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& Lucifer: ...it takes any reason someone might want to hurt another and...
    Amenadiel: Amplifies it a thousandfold.
    Mazikeen: So if someone leaves the toilet seat up...
    Lucifer: Trip to stabby town, yes.
    Mazikeen: That’s one angry-ass knife.

& Lucifer: ...if you do this favor for me, then I’ll do a favor for you in return...
    Ella: Lucifer, the whole point of a favor is to do it for free, okay? And then you just trust the love will come back to you somehow. Favors are about faith.
    Lucifer: Ugh. Please don’t ruin favors for me.

& Lucifer: I insist. Tit for tat.

& Lucifer: Gosh, you’re a nasty little nerd, aren’t you?

& Lucifer: Look, you said to me that favors were about faith, right?
    Ella: Yeah.
    Lucifer: Well, I’m asking you to have faith in me. And know that I wouldn’t ask anything untoward of you.

& Lucifer: I’m just being thorough, Detective. Like you said, «Shake the bushes until the truth flies free.»

& Mum: Have you ever heard of something called the reverse cowgirl?..

& Lucifer: Humans are dying because of you.
    Mum: Well, humans die. They all do eventually. It’s what they were designed to do.

& Dan: My pudding’s gone.
    Chloe: I’m sorry?
    Dan: .... I’m just saying that a man’s snacks... they’re sacred, okay?

& Chloe: Lucifer’s not another guy. He’s a weirdo.

& Dr. Linda: Okay, can we go back to the Angel of Death? Is he... uh, is he another one of your brothers?
    Lucifer: Sister, actually.
    Dr. Linda: The Angel of Death is a chick?!

& Lucifer: Go on, tell me. Tell me what you want, what you really, really want.

& Ella: Come clean with me. Or I can’t keep this a secret anymore.
    Lucifer: You see, that’s just it. The last person I came clean with became a tad untethered.
    Ella: Dude, I grew up in Detroit.

& Lucifer: I’m dealing with a matter of cosmic importance and I ask you to indulge me for just a little longer.
    Ella: You mean have faith?
    Lucifer: Tomato, tomahto.

& Lucifer: Anyone else feeling a murderous urge? No? The need to slice and dice? Anyone?

& Dan: My life went to hell when I met you!!
    Lucifer: Hey! Well, technically, that’s not true, but I understand the basic metaphor.

& Lucifer: Always the truth. Point of pride for me, Detective.

& Lucifer: But you know, if you ever did want to cross boundaries into «partnered friends who hang out naked...»

& Dr. Linda: So, global crisis averted?
    Lucifer: Yes. For now. So, we can... you know, talk about Caligula, Stalin... Trump. I mean, I know he’s not dead, but he’s definitely going.

& Dr. Linda: Lucifer, I owe you an apology. But in my defense... you’re the Devil.

& Dr. Linda: Things were much less complicated when I thought you were just another average delusional patient with a complicated family.

& Dr. Linda: Oh, my God. I had sex with the Devil.
    Lucifer: Many, many times. And you’re welcome.

& Dr. Linda: Okay, now, see, that I understand. Narcissistic tendencies rooted in a complex paternal relationship and a disrupted adolescence.
    Lucifer: See? Just another screwed up patient. And you can treat me as such.
    Dr. Linda: All right. Let’s do this... The doctor is in.

& Mother: What’s that saying? «When my dear husband closes a door, he opens a window»?.. The window just opened.

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