Cricket

Citizen Khan 5×1

& Mr. Khan: Assalaamu alaikum, Great Britain. Mr Khan speaking. Welcome to my Boob Tube channel. I know the country’s gone to pot now a woman’s running it, but don’t worry, I’m here.

& Mrs. Khan: I’ve made my own Pakistani version of Victoria sponge cake. It’s like a normal Victoria sponge cake, with added spice, fresh garlic and garam masala.

& Mr. Khan: Blooming hell, Dave. What’s with all the questions? Who are you? Ginger Luther?

& Shazia: Everyone, this is my husband, Amjad. He’s a policeman.
    Mr. Khan: I’m POLICED to meet you too!

& Mrs. Khan: ...And you can make that happen, can’t you?
    Mr. Khan: Can I? I mean, may I?.. It would be my pleasure!

& Mrs. Khan: You said you would do anything for me.
    Mr. Khan: I was thinking chocolates. Or flowers. Chocolate, mainly.

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& Mr. Khan: I think it was him. Brown. Big beard. They all look the same! Like a lot of blooming sheep. Meh! Meh!

& Mr. Khan: Brilliant! That’s it! Let’s go and tell a room full of women that they can’t have what they want. They’ll understand, won’t they?

& Policeman @ Stadium: I’m looking for a Mr Khan. Mr Khan?
    Sadiq Khan: Yes, that’s me. Citizen Khan at your service.
    Policeman: You need to leave, sir. Come on.
    Sadiq Khan: But, hang on, I’m the Mayor of London.
    Policeman: Yeah, yeah, and I’m the Archbishop of Canterbury.

& Mr. Khan: Hold on! Let’s take a selfie! I’m community leader too. Khan — K, H for hat, A for Asian, N for knowledge. Ha-ha!

& Amjad: The call’s gone out for a Pakistani man with a beard and a funny accent...
    Mr. Khan: This is Birmingham. I’ll be fine.

& Mr. Khan: I’m sorry... Say something.
    Mrs. Khan: Idiot.
    Mr. Khan: Something else?

& Mr. Khan: You’re sorry? What for? Is this a trap? A dream? A hidden camera TV show. Hello! Is anyone there?

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On the IMDb