& Bully: I’m gonna kill you, Weinselstein!
& Burt: Night after night after night, I am in magic hell.
& Burt: Are you a lesbian?
Jane: Is every woman who doesn’t sleep with you a lesbian?
Burt: Oh, no, I have slept with plenty of lesbians.
& Burt: There will be no biting or scratching, anything that can leave a mark. This is a standard release form acknowledging that you are over 18... and that you are willingly consenting to the sex acts that we are about to commit.
Miranda: It’s a lot of paperwork.
Burt: It’s a lot of sex acts.
& Miranda: Oh, my God! It’s huge!
Burt: ... Biggest bed in Vegas.
& Burt: What the hell is a webisode?
Rick the Implausible: Are you being serious? What’s a webisode? It’s... it’s a show that you do on the internet, just like being on TV or having a movie except you don’t go... through... you know all the hassle of... people seeing it.
& Doug: All right, Burt... this is the brochure for my new signature hotel, Doug. This hotel is the same as all the other hotels. But I’m going to be charging 70% more for everything. Now, do you know why I can do that?
Anton: Because it’s shinier?
Doug: Shut up. Because it’s new. And people love new. And when people love something, it becomes valuable. So new equals valuable. Do you understand what I’m saying?
& Burt: Aah! Your face got me right in the knee.
& Burt: Are you telling me that I don’t have any money?
Dom: You have a savings bond. Here.
Burt: Two hundred dollars that my nana gave to me...
Dom: Yeah, $200 in 1973. Today it is worth... $248.
Burt: Hmm. Hmm.
& Burt: My act is incredibly intricate. It is a product of years of study and training... and, no offense, but you are a girl... Not that girls can’t do magic. It’s just that men are better at it.
Jane: You know what? I don’t want you staying here. And I don’t want to work with you.
Burt: Just because I said that men are better than women? I said “no offense.” Therefore, you cannot be offended. Legally.
& Steve Gray: Now, what you’re smelling is not barbecue, ladies and gentlemen. It is my actual flesh.
& Rance: People want to think what they’re seeing is real magic, not a magic show. If you don’t believe what you’re doing, how are they gonna believe?
& Rance: God damn! That’s the worst thing I ever saw in my life. And I saw my kids being born!
& Steve Gray: Chin up, Burt. Bad things don’t happen to us, they happen for us.
& Burt: Do you think this batch is ready?
Anton: I don’t know. Check it. ...
Burt: Do you think this batch is ready?
Anton: I don’t know. Check it.
& Burt: Anton, what could possibly go wrong?
Anton: Somebody could die, we can go to prison...
Burt: See? When you say it out loud, it doesn’t sound so bad.
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
& Burt: Night after night after night, I am in magic hell.
& Burt: Are you a lesbian?
Jane: Is every woman who doesn’t sleep with you a lesbian?
Burt: Oh, no, I have slept with plenty of lesbians.
& Burt: There will be no biting or scratching, anything that can leave a mark. This is a standard release form acknowledging that you are over 18... and that you are willingly consenting to the sex acts that we are about to commit.
Miranda: It’s a lot of paperwork.
Burt: It’s a lot of sex acts.
& Miranda: Oh, my God! It’s huge!
Burt: ... Biggest bed in Vegas.
& Burt: What the hell is a webisode?
Rick the Implausible: Are you being serious? What’s a webisode? It’s... it’s a show that you do on the internet, just like being on TV or having a movie except you don’t go... through... you know all the hassle of... people seeing it.
& Doug: All right, Burt... this is the brochure for my new signature hotel, Doug. This hotel is the same as all the other hotels. But I’m going to be charging 70% more for everything. Now, do you know why I can do that?
Anton: Because it’s shinier?
Doug: Shut up. Because it’s new. And people love new. And when people love something, it becomes valuable. So new equals valuable. Do you understand what I’m saying?
& Burt: Aah! Your face got me right in the knee.
& Burt: Are you telling me that I don’t have any money?
Dom: You have a savings bond. Here.
Burt: Two hundred dollars that my nana gave to me...
Dom: Yeah, $200 in 1973. Today it is worth... $248.
Burt: Hmm. Hmm.
& Burt: My act is incredibly intricate. It is a product of years of study and training... and, no offense, but you are a girl... Not that girls can’t do magic. It’s just that men are better at it.
Jane: You know what? I don’t want you staying here. And I don’t want to work with you.
Burt: Just because I said that men are better than women? I said “no offense.” Therefore, you cannot be offended. Legally.
& Steve Gray: Now, what you’re smelling is not barbecue, ladies and gentlemen. It is my actual flesh.
& Rance: People want to think what they’re seeing is real magic, not a magic show. If you don’t believe what you’re doing, how are they gonna believe?
& Rance: God damn! That’s the worst thing I ever saw in my life. And I saw my kids being born!
& Steve Gray: Chin up, Burt. Bad things don’t happen to us, they happen for us.
& Burt: Do you think this batch is ready?
Anton: I don’t know. Check it. ...
Burt: Do you think this batch is ready?
Anton: I don’t know. Check it.
& Burt: Anton, what could possibly go wrong?
Anton: Somebody could die, we can go to prison...
Burt: See? When you say it out loud, it doesn’t sound so bad.
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
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