Sir Lancelot's Litter Box

Two and a Half Men 6×22

& Chelsea: I just think it’s ridiculous that we’re engaged and not living together.
    Charlie: Well, excuse me for being old-fashioned, I’m just not comfortable with us living in sin.
    Chelsea: So you think we should stop having sex?
    Charlie: No, no, no, it’s not the sin I object to, it’s the living in it.

& Jake: You going to eat your pickle?
    Alan: Yes, I’m going to eat my pickle.
    Jake: But you’re almost done with your sandwich, and your pickle’s just sitting there.
    Alan: I like to eat it last.
    Jake: How very European of you.

& Chelsea: Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t be living here.
    Charlie: I can give you several.
    Berta: This ought to be good.
    Chelsea: Go ahead.
    Charlie: Oh, you mean right now?
    Berta: Dance, monkey, dance.

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& Alan: Let me ask you a question. What did you think was gonna happen when you and Chelsea got married?
    Charlie: Honestly, I never thought that far ahead. I figured we could stretch the engagement thing out for a couple of years, and by then, who knows. Maybe I’d die, maybe she’d get fat.

& Chelsea: You want me to move in?
    Charlie: Yes. I thought about it, and you were right. Which is not to say I was wrong, but,uh... Okay, I was wrong.

& Charlie: You brought the cat?
    Chelsea: Of course I brought the cat. What did you think I was gonna do with him?
    Charlie: I don’t know. Return him to the wild?
    Chelsea: You’re being ridiculous.
    Charlie: Is it ridiculous to want the turds in my bathroom to be human?

& Alan: The cat aside, you do know it was wrong to storm out the way you did.
    Charlie: Of course I know. I’m an ass,not an idiot.
    Alan: One does not preclude the other.

& Alan: You realize this has nothing to do with the cat or the towels or the pillows,don’t you?
    Charlie: Tell you what. Here’s 20 bucks. Don’t tell me what it’s really about.

& Gordon: What happened to that beautiful woman that used to lived here?
    Charlie: She lives with me in Malibu. We’re engaged.
    Gordon: And you’re hanging out here all alone?
    Charlie: Yup.
    Gordon: You know what you are, Mr. Harper?
    Charlie: What?
    Gordon: A genius.

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