Shame

Wilfred 3×5

“I have little shame,
no dignity — all in the name
of a better cause.”
A.J. Jacobs

& Jenna: You spend almost every day watching Wilfred. If we weren’t paying you, we’d be paying another dog sitter.
    Ryan: Dog sitter?!

& Wilfred: I had to create this sanctuary of stinking detritus. You don’t understand what it’s like at home right now... no crumbs, not even a grease smudge, everything smells Cloroxy. I just wish Jenna would stop hanging out with that anal, OCD clean-freak, Juanita!
    Ryan: You mean the cleaning lady?

& Ryan: The truth is, I owe the bank $12,000 that I don’t have.
    Wilfred: Okay, I don’t understand amounts, so I gather from your tone that that’s, like, awesome?

& Wilfred: Ryan, before you make a rash decision, there’s something you need to know about that woman... She has a bag of two-day-old egg rolls in her backpack.
    Ryan: I’m going with Chris. You’re gonna have to get your gross fix somewhere else.
    Wilfred: Gross fix? I am an Epicurean!

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& Anne: I run a small Internet business.
    Ryan: Really?
    Anne: Yeah, started it myself. Attracted investors, built up a user base.
    Ryan: Wow. Is it media-related or more social networking?
    Anne: Oh, people pay to watch me eat.
    Ryan: So you’re, like, a food critic?
    Anne: No. I just eat food on my webcam. It’s a great job, actually. I mean, I’m not naive. I realize that most of my clients are... you know... men, but... I love being my own boss. Basically, you get paid a shit-load of money to eat three meals a day.

& Ryan: This is torture. Anne came down this morning wearing only her nightshirt, sat on the living room chair and basically Sharon Stone’d me.

& Ryan: Wilfred, have you looked in the mirror lately?
    Wilfred: Oh, yeah. There’s some new fat dog hanging out in there. I made fun of him yesterday for, like, three hours.
    Ryan: That dog is you. You keep eating all the food Anne drops.
    Wilfred: Me? Fat?! Is that why that dog in the mirror keeps saying such hurtful things?

& Ryan: Thank God. I got a job interview at Silverstein and Goldblatt.

& Ryan: You sabotaged my job interview!
    Wilfred: You’re damn right I did! I will not stand idly... I will not stand... I will not sit idly by and let you kick Anne out.

& Wilfred: You ripped the horn off the unicorn, Ryan, because you wanted to make it a normal horse, but it’ll never be a normal horse, because now there’s that circular scab in its forehead.

& Wilfred: Of course it’s me, Bear. Who else would it be? ... Oh, what, you think I can’t talk and satisfy you at the same time? I’ve got to take a piss. Finish Bear off for me?..

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On the IMDb