The Two Finger Rule

Two and a Half Men 6×19

& Alan: I was not responsible for my actions. I was stoned out of my mind.
    Charlie: You know, that excuse has never once worked for me.
    Berta: Me, either. Cops or boyfriends.

& Chelsea: You want to explain to me why this woman is sending you naked pictures of herself?
    Charlie: I’d love to explain it.
    Chelsea: ... Go ahead.
    Charlie: I said I’d love to. I didn’t say I could.

& Charlie: Oh, please don’t leave.
    Alan: Oh, please don’t hang up. I love you!
    Berta: And I love you, too.

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& Berta: All right, I’ve ordered your pizza. I’m going home.
    Charlie: Thanks, Berta... Ordering a pizza and going home — two of the three things you want in a woman.

& Charlie: What are you guys talking about?
    Herb: Masturbating at the YMCA.
    Charlie: Really? Just talk, right?
    Alan: Yeah, but the night is young.

& Herb: You know, my wife and I are having a girl. Any advice?
    Jerome: Yeah... Before your daughter starts dating, um, bulk up.

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