25 июн. 2013 г.

Hello, I am Alan Cousteau

Two and a Half Men 6×20

& Evelyn: Aren’t you going to wash your hands before you eat?
    Jake: No. I wrap the toilet paper around my fingers like an oven mitt.

& Charlie: Good morning, Alan. Morning, Jake. Satan.

& Chelsea: Nice to meet you.
    Evelyn: Nice to meet you, too.
    Chelsea: Welcome back to the States.
    Evelyn: Thank you. Where have I been?

& Chelsea: I’m not angry, Charlie. I’m just disappointed.
    Charlie: Gee, I’d kind of prefer it if you were angry.
    Chelsea: Why?
    Charlie: Because angry sex is hot. Disappointed sex is... well, we might as well be married.

& Chelsea: Come on, Charlie. What’s wrong with me having a warm and healthy relationship with your mother?
    Charlie: Well, for starters, you’ll be the only one. Ever.

& Chelsea: It’s just lunch.
    Charlie: That’s what Hitler said Czechoslovakia.
    Chelsea: Hitler said, “It’s just lunch”?
    Charlie: Well, he said it in German... Watch the History Channel.


& Chelsea: Charlie, ... did you ever think that by my spending time with your mother, I can get a better understanding of you?
    Charlie: Chelsea, trust me. Any insight you gain into me via my mother will end our relationship faster than catching me in bed with a farm animal.

& Chelsea: Just relax. It’ll be fine.
    Charlie: That’s what Hitler said to Poland.

& Charlie: Chelsea? I’m not upset anymore.
    Chelsea: Charlie, I’m sleeping.
    Charlie: I know. Can you just wake up enough so it’s not weird?.. Never mind. Sweet dreams.

& Chelsea: Don’t even think about it!

& Alan: Hey, I did not sell you out for a watch! I sold you out for a certified Swiss chronometer. Stainless steel Submariner, waterproof up to 300 mets. And look, it winds itself.
    Charlie: Put it on your right arm, it’ll run forever.
    Alan: .... Oh, good thinking.

& Charlie: Hey, Jake, I need a favor.
    Jake: Sorry, I can’t say bad things about Grandma.
    Charlie: Okay, what did she buy you? A new guitar? Minibike?
    Jake: Pizza.
    Charlie: You sold me out for a pizza?!
    Jake: Not just a pizza. A meat-lover’s pizza.

--
On the IMDb

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