Two and a Half Men 6×20
Jake: No. I wrap the toilet paper around my fingers like an oven mitt.
& Charlie: Good morning, Alan. Morning, Jake. Satan.
& Chelsea: Nice to meet you.
Evelyn: Nice to meet you, too.
Chelsea: Welcome back to the States.
Evelyn: Thank you. Where have I been?
& Chelsea: I’m not angry, Charlie. I’m just disappointed.
Charlie: Gee, I’d kind of prefer it if you were angry.
Chelsea: Why?
Charlie: Because angry sex is hot. Disappointed sex is... well, we might as well be married.
& Chelsea: Come on, Charlie. What’s wrong with me having a warm and healthy relationship with your mother?
Charlie: Well, for starters, you’ll be the only one. Ever.
& Chelsea: It’s just lunch.
Charlie: That’s what Hitler said Czechoslovakia.
Chelsea: Hitler said, “It’s just lunch”?
Charlie: Well, he said it in German... Watch the History Channel.
& Chelsea: Charlie, ... did you ever think that by my spending time with your mother, I can get a better understanding of you?
Charlie: Chelsea, trust me. Any insight you gain into me via my mother will end our relationship faster than catching me in bed with a farm animal.
& Chelsea: Just relax. It’ll be fine.
Charlie: That’s what Hitler said to Poland.
& Charlie: Chelsea? I’m not upset anymore.
Chelsea: Charlie, I’m sleeping.
Charlie: I know. Can you just wake up enough so it’s not weird?.. Never mind. Sweet dreams.
& Chelsea: Don’t even think about it!
& Alan: Hey, I did not sell you out for a watch! I sold you out for a certified Swiss chronometer. Stainless steel Submariner, waterproof up to 300 mets. And look, it winds itself.
Charlie: Put it on your right arm, it’ll run forever.
Alan: .... Oh, good thinking.
& Charlie: Hey, Jake, I need a favor.
Jake: Sorry, I can’t say bad things about Grandma.
Charlie: Okay, what did she buy you? A new guitar? Minibike?
Jake: Pizza.
Charlie: You sold me out for a pizza?!
Jake: Not just a pizza. A meat-lover’s pizza.
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On the IMDb
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