& Derek: What do you play?
Deon: Mmm? Oh, my voice is my instrument. Split wires, innit?
Derek: What?
Deon: I rap.
Derek: Will Smith.
Deon: No, more like... 2Pac.
Derek: Two what?
Deon: Pac.
Derek: ... Razors.
Deon: This is the worst gig ever, man. Feels like a nightmare, man.
Vicky: You just wait till you have to change their bed pans!
& Derek: What else do you do?
Dougie: Do it all, yeah. Whatever needs doing. Yeah. It’s my job description — if it needs doing, do it.
& Derek: He says there’s too many singers, don’t you?
Dougie: There’s too many!
Deon: Yeah, but I’m not like... no-one else, do you get me?
Dougie: Everybody says that, though. That’s what everybody says on X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent. “I’m different.” No, you’re not — you’re the same as the other knobhead who was just on. Get a trade.
& Dougie: Makes me laugh. They send them here as punishment. Hilarious, isn’t it? He does something wrong and they send them here. What have I done? I’ve been here ten years.
& Derek: Why are you here?
Deon: Why do you think?
Derek: I don’t know.
Deon: It’s cos of the racism inherent in society, isn’t it?
Derek: Is it? No... What did you do?
Deon: The police followed me through a shopping centre and arrested me for stealing some trainers.
Derek: What, and you hadn’t stolen the trainers?
Deon: That’s neither here nor there — if they weren’t following I wouldn’t have been arrested, would I?
Derek: No. But did you steal the trainers?
Deon: They followed me assuming that I would steal something cos I was black.
Derek: And then you stole the trainers? ... We all make mistakes.
& Derek: You’re nice, though, anyway.
Deon: How do you know that?
Derek: I can tell. Joan says sometimes good people do bad things so give ’em a second chance.
& Derek: And that was Duran Duran.
Kev: Embarrassing.
& Kev: There is nothing funny about Duran Duran, Derek. They’re laughing at us.
Derek: Doesn’t matter why they’re laughing... I never minds when old people are laughing, just as long as they are laughing. It makes me laugh. Makes me happy. Even if they’re laughing at something what I’ve done... I likes them being happy. They ain’t got long, so... every... every minute is important. I just wants them to be happy all the time.
& Deon:
♪ Doing my time in this place I thought I’d hate it. ♪
♪ But now I’m here, you know what? Still hate it. ♪
♪ But I made it and I hate it with the greatest respect to the aged. ♪
♪ I came from a place with no thoughts of ageing ♪
♪ Where life is a game with a makeshift playlist ♪
♪ That plays all the same shit ♪
♪ So what I’m saying is it’s an eye-opener ♪
♪ Meeting you even the one who’s a bit of thigh-stroker ♪
♪ So now I hope to take a long look at myself ♪
♪ But, bruv, this ain’t like Oprah ♪
♪ I ain’t gonna start jumping on my sofa ♪
♪ I’m just saying I might look my life over ♪
♪ Now I normally bump fists but let’s shake hands ♪
♪ I ain’t a changed man I just wanna say thanks. ♪
--
On the IMDb
Deon: Mmm? Oh, my voice is my instrument. Split wires, innit?
Derek: What?
Deon: I rap.
Derek: Will Smith.
Deon: No, more like... 2Pac.
Derek: Two what?
Deon: Pac.
Derek: ... Razors.
Deon: This is the worst gig ever, man. Feels like a nightmare, man.
Vicky: You just wait till you have to change their bed pans!
& Derek: What else do you do?
Dougie: Do it all, yeah. Whatever needs doing. Yeah. It’s my job description — if it needs doing, do it.
& Derek: He says there’s too many singers, don’t you?
Dougie: There’s too many!
Deon: Yeah, but I’m not like... no-one else, do you get me?
Dougie: Everybody says that, though. That’s what everybody says on X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent. “I’m different.” No, you’re not — you’re the same as the other knobhead who was just on. Get a trade.
& Dougie: Makes me laugh. They send them here as punishment. Hilarious, isn’t it? He does something wrong and they send them here. What have I done? I’ve been here ten years.
& Derek: Why are you here?
Deon: Why do you think?
Derek: I don’t know.
Deon: It’s cos of the racism inherent in society, isn’t it?
Derek: Is it? No... What did you do?
Deon: The police followed me through a shopping centre and arrested me for stealing some trainers.
Derek: What, and you hadn’t stolen the trainers?
Deon: That’s neither here nor there — if they weren’t following I wouldn’t have been arrested, would I?
Derek: No. But did you steal the trainers?
Deon: They followed me assuming that I would steal something cos I was black.
Derek: And then you stole the trainers? ... We all make mistakes.
& Derek: You’re nice, though, anyway.
Deon: How do you know that?
Derek: I can tell. Joan says sometimes good people do bad things so give ’em a second chance.
& Derek: And that was Duran Duran.
Kev: Embarrassing.
& Kev: There is nothing funny about Duran Duran, Derek. They’re laughing at us.
Derek: Doesn’t matter why they’re laughing... I never minds when old people are laughing, just as long as they are laughing. It makes me laugh. Makes me happy. Even if they’re laughing at something what I’ve done... I likes them being happy. They ain’t got long, so... every... every minute is important. I just wants them to be happy all the time.
& Deon:
♪ Doing my time in this place I thought I’d hate it. ♪
♪ But now I’m here, you know what? Still hate it. ♪
♪ But I made it and I hate it with the greatest respect to the aged. ♪
♪ I came from a place with no thoughts of ageing ♪
♪ Where life is a game with a makeshift playlist ♪
♪ That plays all the same shit ♪
♪ So what I’m saying is it’s an eye-opener ♪
♪ Meeting you even the one who’s a bit of thigh-stroker ♪
♪ So now I hope to take a long look at myself ♪
♪ But, bruv, this ain’t like Oprah ♪
♪ I ain’t gonna start jumping on my sofa ♪
♪ I’m just saying I might look my life over ♪
♪ Now I normally bump fists but let’s shake hands ♪
♪ I ain’t a changed man I just wanna say thanks. ♪
--
On the IMDb
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