Derek 1×1

& Hannah: These lot aren’t bothering you, are they?
    Tom: No, no, no. Derek’s just been asking me every possible outcome of animals fighting and Don Juan here has just told me you’re not pregnant or diseased. But don’t worry, even if you were, he still would.
    Kev: Still would.

& Hannah: I’ve never understood budgets when it comes to things like this. It costs what it costs. If it costs more than some person in a suit thought it would, it doesn’t mean we’re overspending, it means your stupid guess was wrong.

& Roger: I’m a little bit worried about the electrics thing, Dougie. If you don’t have any training...
    Dougie: It’s not that hard, Roger.
    Roger: Really?
    Dougie: Yeah. It’s not that hard. It’s three wires, innit? Brown, blue and sort of earth. Put them in the right ones, you’re away. You’re making it seem like it’s a massive drama. We’re talking about a toaster.

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& Derek: Why does Hampstead sound like “hamster”? Why has hamster got “ham” in it? Why isn’t a pig called a hamster?

& Hannah: 90% of care home residents die within six months of being re-homed, so...

& Hannah: People think care means three meals a day and a bed. But it means caring.

& Derek: If I am tistic... what is it?
    Roger: Autistic.
    Derek: Au...?
    Roger: Tistic.
    Derek: That’s what I said. Tistic. If I am tistic, will I die?

& Hannah: Dougie...
    Dougie: Yeah, I know I’m fired, yeah.
    Hannah: No. Do you want a cup of tea?
    Dougie: A cup of tea? Love a cup of tea, yeah.

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On the IMDb