Derek 1×3

& Derek: Kev’s helping, ain’t ya? Dougie doesn’t help, he keeps an eye on Kev to make sure he doesn’t do anything wrong.

& Dougie: There isn’t another one, you keep...
    Derek: Why not?
    Dougie: Because why would they make two of them? Why would they... Let me have it. Why would they make two of them? Look at it. Why would you ever make two of them? It was made in China, they made one of ’em, they turned the machine off immediately after they saw what they’d produced.

& Marge: When you gonna ask her to marry you, then?
    Tom: We’ve only been going out for a bit.
    Marge: Well, you’ve had your bit, now you should marry her.

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& Derek: I can’t stand it. I loves working here, but I’m always sad. I’m gonna stay, though. To help with people that are still alive. I mean, when they’re dead, they’re not sad any more. And I’d rather be sad than anyone else.

& Tom: Have you ever actually had sex with an actual woman? I mean, like an intelligent, attractive, non-mental, non-alky, non-drug addict, sentient woman?
    Kev: What does that leave?
    Tom: Like, a normal girl.
    Kev: We can’t all be that fussy, mate.

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On the IMDb

Σ Touching.