Derek 1×2

& Derek: Lizzie? Why are you standing there?
    Lizzie: Where?
    Derek: There.
    Lizzie: Where, dear?
    Derek: There, where you’re standing, you’re standing there.
    Lizzie: Am I?

& Hannah: What do you do normally then?
    Vicky: What do you mean?
    Hannah: For a job?
    Vicky: I ain’t got a job have I? I got caught nicking shoes.
    Hannah: Well, is this something you’d like to do?
    Vicky: I thought I had to do it?
    Hannah: No, I mean for like a career or something?
    Vicky: Nah.
    Hannah: Well, what would you like to do then?
    Vicky: Dunno. Kardashians and that.
    Hannah: ......... Brilliant. Right. Let’s get you started.

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& Vicky: Why’ve you got a haircut like a paedophile?
    Dougie: Good point.

& Vicky: I didn’t really go to school much anyway.
    Hannah: I didn’t do that well at school, you know. You can learn loads of stuff outside school. You’re never too old to learn something. Do you read?
    Vicky: Yeah.
    Hannah: What do you read?
    Vicky: Twitter.

& Hannah: Still, you know, I wouldn’t mind a bit of David Beckham, so long as he didn’t speak. Wouldn’t want him to speak. He’d be mute. A mute Beckham would be lovely.

& Joe: Well, 50’s young. I mean, 50’s the new 40.
    Derek: Yep.
    Joe: 60’s the new 50, then 70’s the new 60.
    Derek: What’s 80?
    Dougie: 80’s still 80, you’re fucked.
    Derek: What about 90?
    Dougie: You don’t have to worry about that.

& Hannah: My life.

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On the IMDb

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