Two and a Half Men 5x6

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

& Berta: Who’s he listening to?
    Alan: Bucket of Hate.
    Berta: They’re good. Reminds me of early Who...
    Jake: Who?
    Alan: What?
    Berta: The band’s called Who.
    Jake: Bucket of Hate.
    Berta: And I work for your family...

& Charlie:What’s going on?
    Jake: My dad sucks.
    Charlie:You know, in certain primitive cultures, when a boy hits puberty... they tie him to a big rock, and throw him in the ocean.
    Alan: No, they don’t.
    Charlie:Okay. But you can’t argue with the logic.
    Alan: No, I can’t.

& Evelyn: Jake, do you want Grandmommy to teach you how to use chopsticks?
    Alan: Don’t confuse him. He just learned how to use a fork.
    Jake: Real funny, Alan.
    Alan: Alan? What happened to Dad?
    Jake: He turned into Benito Mussoroni.

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& Alan: Did it even occur to you that you could help me?
    Evelyn: I was not put on this Earth to help you, Alan.
    Alan: You’re my mother!
    Evelyn: Yes, and as you never tire of pointing out, not a good one.

& Alan: He’s just upset because he snuck out. So I grounded him for three months.
    Berta: That ought to show him...
    Alan: What am I gonna do, Berta? I can’t hit him.
    Berta: Well, sure you can. You just gotta figure the wind, and lead him. They’re like pheasants.

& Alan: Charlie, do you remember what you did last night?
    Charlie: Oh, damn it! Did I get married?

& Judith: In my opinion, your punishment isn’t severe enough.
    Alan: Your mother’s right.
    Jake: How come nobody asks my opinion?

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