Two and a Half Men 5x10

Kinda Like Necrophilia

& Charlie: Nice, huh?
    Alan: Nice? She’s magnificent!
    Charlie: You should see her naked...
    Alan: Can I?
    Charlie: Well, I could show you some pictures... but you may not wanna see that much of me.

& Charlie: Hey, everybody’s good at something. You, for instance... have no shame.
    Alan: Excuse me, this is what they wear in the Tour de France!
    Charlie: Alan, I just took a Tour de France. And the only thing I was wearing was a smile and a condom.

& Alan: The thing is, Jake... that no matter how bad you feel now, eventually, it’ll pass. You just have to be willing to live with the pain.
    Charlie: No, he doesn’t.
    Alan: Yes, he does.
    Jake: Hang on, Dad. What do you mean, no, I don’t?
    Charlie: When you get dumped, don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself. You go out and find another girl, a better girl.
    Jake: Okay, but how am I gonna get another girl? I don’t know how I got this one.
    Charlie: You don’t know how you got a girlfriend?
    Jake: No, it just kind of happened.

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& Charlie: This is a secret that will serve you for the rest of your life: The hotter the girl, the lonelier she is... because most guys are too scared to talk to her.
Jake: Really?
Alan: Really?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Why couldn’t you have said this 20 years ago?!
Jake: Come on, Dad. I wasn’t even born 20 years ago.

& Gabrielle: Go ahead. Get it over with.
    Alan: I’m not sure I follow.
    Gabrielle: Do what you have to do. Just hurry.
    Alan: But don’t you wanna start with some kissing... and, you know, foreplay?
    Gabrielle: No, thank you.
    Alan: How about a smile?
    Gabrielle: ... Better?
    Alan: Actually, worse. Could you close your eyes again?

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